Hello, Chris... Goodbye.

i love you...

I remembered an out-of-mind girl slamming her palm consistently against someone's door after pressing the shit out of the bell impatiently in only a few seconds. That drunk jackass didn't even know her place and dared to show up in front of a newlywed's house at 3 in the morning. She couldn't even stand properly on her feet because she was just extremely wasted and lost the sense of her being. She thought alcohol could help her numb the pain, she thought the toxic substance could help her just pass out and go to sleep quicker so she could wake up the next day and be a completely new person. But, unfortunately, that's just what she thought.

When I was about to punch on the door for the 10,000th time, the door was opened without any warnings, which made my hand almost punch the person who were just standing there with her big round beautiful perfect-shaped angelic eyes looking back at me. Luckily, I knew what I was going to do to that woman if I didn't control my hand properly, so I stopped on time and reached my hand a little bit farther to slowly place it on the woman's face instead.

-       Chris. – I caressed my dream girl's face with that stupid smile on mine.

-       Tobin, it's so late, why are you even here?

Chris's soft voice warmed my heart so well that I wanted to kidnap her to bring her somewhere else so so fucking far away from there that we could live a new life together. A very happy life. Together.

-       What's wrong with your hand? – she asked, worriedly looking at my bleeding hand which I also recklessly used to punch the door.

I looked at the way this woman delicately touched my injured hand and realized just how fucked up my life had gradually become since the day she and Ben started dating. I deadass thought she would date him and then break up just the same as the way she did it to a few other people before him, but all of a sudden, they were engaged, and on that night, they're officially married.

Fuck my life.

I took advantage of the situation where she was holding my hand while fright was clearly shown in those eyes, I gently moved my fingers so I could be the one to hold her soft hand instead.

I held her little hand in both of mine, clumsily pulled it to the level of my lips and gently placed a kiss on the back of her hand. The blood, and tears, and mucus were all present on Chris's hand and she didn't mind at all.

How sweet?

-       Do you love me? – I asked, tears were streaming down my face unstoppably at that point.

-       Of course, I do. – she answered so softly.

I shook my head.

-       No, Chris. I'm not asking you as a friend, I'm asking you as a human to a human. Do you love me? Because I love you. I love you so much. I love you enough to break in and kill your husband right here so you can marry me instead.

-       Tobin, you don't know what you're talking about.

What she said made me laugh.

-       I know, Chris. Trust me. I know it my whole life. It feels like I've loved you my whole life but actually it wasn't, it was just 12 years, 1/3 of my life, I spent to love the shit out of you and decided to say nothing about it.

-       You're so wasted right now, all you need is sleep, Tobin.

-       Yes, I do agree with you. I need a nap and you need a divorce.

I seriously said that to someone who I, myself, my-ass-self, let slide away by my own stupid assumption and decision. I just... just couldn't understand myself anymore. Why did I even reject her ten years ago? Why did I even do that? And now, this? "Divorce"? For fuck's sake, was I serious?