Freedom & Restriction [2] | Jasper Hale

-04-

  [Warning!! Mention of past suicide attempts]

"Dude, just stop apologizing," Joanna told Jasper as she finished tossing all the soaked clothes into her dryer. Today was another lazy Sunday and the two live birds wouldn't come home from Arizona until tomorrow, which meant more time spent with Jasper.

Of course, she was still pissed at him, but she understood fear. Fear is a dangerous creature and could make a person do troubling things. Joann had been in the same situation before: stuck in a room with a towering beast that made her do things that she would regret right after she did them. So when Jasper explained why he never told her, she understood.

Again, however, there was still that feeling of pain and bewilderment. She wanted him to tell her. She wanted him to tell her so she could get over the damn crush she had on him and maybe they could move on with their lives. Joanna would grow and age while Jasper, crafted from stone, would just watch and study her.

Maybe she would have kids, a goregous house in the center of a cul-de-sac. Her outfits would consist of flowery dresses that were colored in the brightest colors that would make anyone go blind. Curls would frame her slim face and her lips would permanently be painted red.

  Her relationship with her family would be perfect. The children would have perfect grades, but they would question their parents. Love, their parents weren't in love.

Love was an idiotic thing. Loving someone meant losing the love for yourself and Joanna feared that.

There it was again - fear. She would fear for her children to know of her life, of her haunting past and how she hated herself. How she hated moving on with someone she believed that she barely knew. A husband full of lies, disgust, and venom.

  She never wanted that life. She never wanted a picture-perfect family because those never existed. Those families are dangerous to her because they're normal and Joanna is nowhere near normal.

  "Hey," Jasper griped her shoulders, because he noticed her becoming lost in her thoughts and a fearful feeling crawling up every inch of skin. His dark, amber eyes drill into her gray ones. Suddenly, she gulped loudly and she backed away from him. "Joanna?"

  "I'm fine, Jasper," she explained to him, glancing back at him before starting the dryer and walking towards the living room. Jasper was hot on her tail and watched how her steps were hurried yet light. An odd mixture for her.

  Again, he asked, "Joanna? If it has to do with me... what can I do to help? I can explain furthermore about being a mate if you need that." Turning around so she could face him, she watched as he continued to talk. His heart pouring out into his voice. "Maybe... maybe we can sit and watch T.V. and watch whatever show you want to watch. I can sit by you, listening to all your remarks that make me laugh."

  "Jas-"

  "-I want to make you happy because I made you feel upset, Joanna," Jasper stated, face crumbling to show how desperate he was to make her feel at least a pinch of joy. "Please, allow me to do that. For the past couple of days since we talked about it all, you've been so, so sad and disappointed with me." His eyes glisten and for the first time ever, she watches Jasper break and fall apart in front of her. Voice hoarse, body language weak - she knows she hit him in a sore spot.

  He desires to see her smile in glee and laugh loudly into the stars because he stopped making her do such. In reality, a lot of the laughs she let's out, flowing into the air in Forks was because of him. All the smiles she produced - the bright, glittering ones - were caused by him.

  Now, he wants them return because be believes he caused all her damage when he only caused a small portion of it.

  "You don't have to be the one to make me happy, Jasper," Joanna whined, running a hand through her raven locks. Breaking eye contact with him, she watches as Theodore, their hairless cat, leaves the room sluggishly. Then, she makes eye contact with him. "You don't have to fix me up. I can do that on my own!"