Ineffable Bureaucracy (One/twoshots)

Entry #3

Date: xx-xx-xxxx

Dear Diary,

Asmodeus has just given me a new pair of socks (apparently the Archangel sent them after our meeting where I told him of the bird's appetite for fishnet) and told me that you are meant to be used to convey other feelings besides rage and hatred. I don't know how she manages to find out that I am not using you in the way humans do. But no matter, I shall write as I please.

The Archangel Gabriel wanted to discuss the situation with the End of Times. Considering you are new and barely old enough to know anything, I shall explain. An angel and a demon basically stopped the end of the world and his holy ass is freaking out. Personally, I just wish to know how Crowley survived the water..

He brought that damn bird with him. Azul sat in my lap during the meeting! That damn bird believes himself good enough to be in my lap! Gabriel seemed to be slightly flushed and trying to get the thing away from me to no avail. I swear he just gave him a smirk, if birds could smirk that is.

I noticed the Archangel appears to be using a better workout regime. His muscles were rather prominent in his suit today, especially his arms and thighs. They look bigger than my hand. Though his suit was a little tight- He would pull at the collar from time to time and eventually just took his tie off and unbuttoned his shirt. His abdominals appeared to be rather defined as well.

I had a horrible case of boils and scabs today, but he didn't say anything. I will admit I was slightly embarrassed. Nobody but my siblings and the other demons has ever seen my face in that state. I don't want him to see me looking so disgusting, especially when he has already seen the way I eat. I have compared it to a starved rabid pig, and I believe he would agree.

Asmodeus said that a nice outfit would draw attention away from my face, but what made her think I even wanted him to look at my body? I'm thin and scrawny and nowhere near lean and muscular like Leviathan or curvy and seductive like Asmodeus. I am a plank of wood; Scarred, ugly wood.

Sincerely,

Beelzebub