Ni Meets Ne (INTJ and ENFP Fanfiction)

Flush Crush

*WELCOME to Ni meets Ne! One quick disclaimer: The characters in this story have TYPE PRONOUNS rather then he/him she/her they/them etc. rather than saying "NiTen ate his sandwich", we'd say "NiTen ate INTJ's sandwich." Alright, enjoy!*

After a long day, NiTen had realized INTJ hadn't used the bathroom all day. INTJ had spent the day whipping through countless pages of scientific Florp magazines, as well as patching up the judge's boogers, trying to figure out whether this particular judge was actually a perceiver. INTJ's lair was equipped with gelatin soundboards, Toyotas with the bodies of goby fish, books concerning theories of the universe, and even a leftover arm of the ancient INTP artifact which had been left in the desert of caterpillar goo years back. This was one of INTJ's proudest discoveries – finding this artifact, and the arm was rumored to still hold life in it, though NiTen didn't believe this ridiculous scuttlebutt.

Now, NiTen was inside the tongue of Olive Garden's eyebrow.
"Hello, would you like to reserve a—" the waiter speaking to NiTen was astonished to find INTJ bolt right past ???, knocking ??? over onto the snail-infested gummy bear standee.
I need to use the bathroom. I'm about to explode! (NiTen internal monologue) Without checking INTJ's surroundings, NiTen ran desperately into a bathroom, swinging open the first door INTJ saw.
"OH, MY GOODNESS!" NiTen slipped over INTJ's own tootsie as INTJ was face-to-face with NeFina... On the toilet.
"Hey there, cutie," NeFina formed a heart with ENFP's hands.
"This is so wrong, look, I'm sorry. I'm in the wrong bathroom, I need to get going. You're clearly an ENFPee," NiTen was stumbling over INTJ's words as INTJ's sweat glands were crying out for help. INTJ's face resembled a scrunched up Balzac, ready to flee the scene.
"Hey, don't go," NeFina giggled. "I want to talk to you, you're looking so mighty fine today! hey you know, that reminds me of an eensie beensie kitty cat I saw on this one show who had a super high-pitched voice and—" NeFina was cut off by NiTen, who was now much closer to the exit.
"this is messed up, bye," NiTen said, as INTJ reached for the door.
"WAIT!" NeFina yelped, ENFP sprung up from the toilet, pulling up ENFP's pantaloons, of course, and ran straight to NiTen.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!? Get off of me," NiTen brushed INTJ's saliva with some whale blubber to calm INTJ down.
"I couldn't remember to flush, you're way too distracting," NeFina oozed out some grape juice.
From bewilderment, NiTen's ear chucked up some slimy wax resembling thick sweet potato soup with tiny wombat INTPs.
"Oh, that's..." NeFina looked up to the Ferb neck-covered ceiling. "SO ENDEARING!" ENFP picked up NiTen's earwax from the floor and sniffed it.
"This isn't just any beeswax," ENFP declared, "This is my beeswax."
At this moment, NiTen had no words. INTJ didn't know whether INTJ should feel humiliated or not, INTJ had just caught NeFina on the toilet and seen way more than INTJ should have.
NiTen continued to leave, as INTJ's arm was caught by NeFina, who placed the earwax in ENFP's left nostril.
"THAT'S DISGUSTING! DON'T TOUCH ME! GET AWAY, YOU WEIRDO," NiTen bolted out the door, letting go of NeFina's grip, causing ENFP to fall onto the bathroom floor.

"What was that about?" echoed a Fidlar.
"What? Who's there?" NiTen boogied around the scene, scanning the premises for a form of life.
"Look to your right, NiTen," the Fidlar said, this time louder.
NiTen turned INTJ's head, only to witness a camouflaged Fidlar on the fancy asteroid walls.
"I was in the ENFP bathroom when that whole thing happened, you know, the way you treated NeFina wasn't very nice," Fidlar said, stroking ESFJ's beard.
"What?! You're not allowed in there! And how?" NiTen face palmed INTJself after, as INTJ realized Fidlar was obviously camouflaging.
"I follow you everywhere, NiTen. We've been over this," Fidlar porta pottied.
"Yeah, but... Come on, Fidlar. We're not friends anymore, not after that time you stole my Frodo detector."
"Forget about that, NiTen. There are much more important things in this world than nerdy old Frodo detectors."
"Fidlar, I'm going to have to ask you to leave, did you not read my shirt?" NiTen pointed toward INTJ's brand new "You read my shirt, that's enough social interaction for one day" tee.
"Alright, alright" Fidlar agreed mockingly, backing away. "Have it your way, NiTen. We both know we have stuff to be doing. I need to go back into the cave of mustard miners, and you, you need to go take a poo."
"Okay," replied an edgy NiTen who had no other reaction to Fidlar's hullaballoo. ESFJ was pretty annoying at times, regardless of how much effort NiTen put into getting ESFJ off INTJ's back.
After walking for another minute or so, NiTen finally found the INTJ bathroom. Sighing with relief, INTJ entered, found an empty stall, and just like the stall, INTJ was empty as well... Two minutes later. Perhaps, NiTen's soul was empty too, or simply pitch black like dark matter.
NiTen exited the stall, approaching the sink to wash INTJ's hands as INTJ hummed INTJ's favorite song: "Soggy bean in the Chrysler's panda hybrid."
"HEY THERE!" Oh-so-spontaneously, NeFina wiggled out of the sink, cupping NiTen's face in ENFP's hands.
"DAMN IT, WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?!?!" NiTen slipped and slid back so far, INTJ's head hit the toilet.
"Oh... I'm sorry, I couldn't forget about your beautiful parrot-shaped cheekbones, and the adorable intonation of your voice, there's something about your edginess that's to die for," NeFina said from the sink.
"GET AWAY FROM ME! SHOO! I don't want any part of you near me, if you don't stop, I'm going to have to report you for stalking."
"Stalking?!" NeFina pouted, "Well, it's not my fault you're irresistible!"
Ignoring NeFina's comment, NiTen didn't even bother to finish washing INTJ's hands. INTJ was out the door, out of the restaurant. INTJ's day had been ruined.
"WAIT FOR ME!" NeFina chased down NiTen, "You forgot something!"
NiTen turned back swiftly, locking eyes with NeFina, who was wearing a sparkly Avocato shirt and pantaloons patterned with purramids. ENFP also had colorful milk carton stickers on ENFP's lips.
"WHAT?! WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT FROM ME THIS TIME?! I came here to use the restroom and have a nice meal. I've had an exhausting day, and a freak like you decides to harass me?" NiTen was furious now, as drips of Te were exiting INTJ's uvula.
"I... I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd feel that way, but hey! I just wanted to give back your earwax. I have a weakness for INTJ earwax, it's like my guilty pleasure. Ne-way, it reminds me of peanut butter, also of the sun, bright with grape juice swindlers of cheese, but not the moldy kind, and even a shining star, maybe a lemon, or macaroni, a slimy yellow frog, a cute one of course, or..."