Ni Meets Ne (INTJ and ENFP Fanfiction)

Emoontions

I don't like ENFP. I don't like ENFP. NiTen kept repeating this thought over and over in INTJ's brain. INTJ wasn't sure if INTJ should attend the Opposite Type Contest. Well, INTJ was longing for those 70 million Hagrid slacks, and perhaps, NiTen had a curiosity surrounding NeFina.

When NiTen had arrived home, INTJ polluted away some radioactive Jimbob hand sanitizer with INTJ's musty breath, and then, a sudden flash of Si occurred to INTJ. NiTen had forgotten INTJ's earwax, INTJ wasn't sure if NeFina had even removed it from the restaurant or left it there. I wish I had NeFina's number, but also, ENFP is such a nuisance, a space cadet of some sort. I wouldn't want to associate with this persona. I would like somebody more grounded, someone calmer and more mature.

"Looking for something?" Drodopac slipped through NiTen's pizza rolls, as INTJ had opened the grudge. "Not really, no," NiTen oozed away from Drodopac, finished with INTP's shenanigans. "Is there something wrong, NiTen? You're not as enthusiastic as your usual drolling self."

"Since when am I enthusiastic?" INTJ grabbed the remote and turned on the newest episode of: Gladiolus pomegranate manikins in love.
"NiTen, listen to me," Drodopac centimetered over, turning off the program.
"HEY!" NiTen Berted.

"I know you like NeFina, why don't you just admit it already?"

"Drodopac," NiTen eyed the floating, cloaked 7-foot-long INTP ankle. "The wool of your cabby blaster is talking pure nonsense."
"I've been on the phone with Fidlar and—"
"Oh, you're talking about FIDLAR again? Fidlar this, Fidlar that! I have no reason to believe you're not the same being," INTJ meowed.

"Is there something wrong with me having a friend?" Drodopac began to float above NiTen, caressing INTJ's messy hair.

"Look, maybe I'm tired, or I'm going insane, but I have to be honest with you, Drodopac. I keep thinking about NeFina. It feels so strange, me talking about my feelings, I don't even know why ENFP is on my mind. Our first encounter was rather disgusting, but what happened after that somehow seemed to capture my heart... I mean, do I even have a heart? Something is wrong, Drodopac. I can't keep thinking about ENFP, you need to come up with an idea, quick, for some kind of contraption, something which will wipe these feelings away, hell, I'll come up with it, and then we can—"

"Woah, woah, woah, NiTen. Are my ears filled with bumblebee tails, or am I hearing you correctly? You have these intense feelings for NeFina? For real? Oh, NiTen, I never thought this day would come," Drodopac tooted INTP's own baloney.

"It's not a joke, Drodopac. I also, still, find NeFina to be a total nuisance, I don't know how I am so attracted to the same person I'm repelled by. This contradiction is making my mind spin like a soggy Shrek eater on a hamster wheel," NiTen began to sweat as INTJ's eyes bulged up.

"Don't fret," Drodopac said, "how about you develop some kind of machinery which will suck out your emotions? It can dance on the inside of your nostrils, then transfer itself to your belly button, picking up the lint your heart happened to throw up."
"Drodopac, what on earth are you talking about? You're sounding like Fidlar when ESFJ has had too many drinks AGAIN!"

Without awaiting Drodopac's response, NiTen headed to INTJ's room and created a blueprint for an emotion zapper.

***

"If you zap your emotions," Drodopac interrupted NiTen's genius plan. "That means you won't be able to form them for anyone, that includes the Fidlar," INTP squeaked nervously.
"DRODOPAC! I SWEAR, YOU SEEM SO DAMN CONCERNED OVER FIDLAR, and I do remember Fidlar remembering that ESFJ had feelings for me, which was quite bizarre to say the least, not something characteristic of ESFJ, we've never had a stable friendship, how could I form romantic feelings for such a buffoon? Look, anyway," NiTen pinched INTJ's eyebrows. "If you love Fidlar so much, why don't you just go marry ESFJ?"

"You're the one taking my jokes so seriously," Drodopac mucused. "I could accuse you of being the Fidlar for that very reason, for growing so defensive and agitated every time I mention ESFJ's name."
"That's... That's a fair argument, but it doesn't mean it's right. You're completely wrong. You claim to have spoken to the Fidlar, do we sound anything alike?" NiTen goosed as INTJ poured some plasma into the emotion zapper. "I wonder what I'm going to call this gizmo."

"How about you call it the Anti-MoonAppetizer?" Drodopac suggested.

"That makes zero sense, Drodopac,"NiTen huffed.
"It does, because all of the letters from the words moon and appetizer go into emotion zapper. Plus, the moon in astrology represents emotions, and you seem to be getting a hint of them for NeFina, perhaps similar to the portion of an appetizer. You want to eliminate them? Boom, you've got a name," INTP proudly declared.

"Fine," NiTen sighed. "I'll call it the Anti-MoonAppetizer, but only," INTJ nudged Drodopac's gooey, yellowish ankle hairs.

"Only?" Drodopac began to flutter INTP's nonexistent eyelashes.

"Only if you're honest with me, now is your chance, Drodo. Tell me whether or not you're the Fidlar. I won't get angry."

"My goodness," Drodopac laughed in a manner which communicated a fed-up attitude, as well as, "Please shut your troop hole."
"I am not the Fidlar, we're merely friends. Accuse me one more time and I'm automatically assuming it's you," Drodopac muffled.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop," NiTen danced. "My invention is almost finished, I poured in the plasma and included the spinning Oreo propman I've been incubating for the past four years. I never knew it would actually be useful," INTJ knocked over a Muppet in the process.

"And for the final ingredient," INTJ pranced, "I will include the singular hair of a primate pioneer's protein."

"I guess it's nice you didn't listen to me before when I urged you to use it in your other inventions," Drodopac grooved.

Disregarding Drodopac's yawning udder tarts, NiTen zapped INTJself with the Anti-MoonAppetizer.
"NiTen! NiTen, is everything alright?" Drodopac waved INTPself in INTJ's face.
"I guess," NiTen responded.

"Wow, it really did work! Or did it? I can't tell much of a difference," Drodopac mumbled.
"It did, Drodopac. I can't even imagine how I could have had those feelings in the first place. It's utterly ridiculous, simply preposterous. Feelings are for chumps."

"Are you attending the Opposite Type Contest?" Drodopac inquired.

"Yeah, I mean, NeFina can't capture my heart anymore, and I'd do anything for those Hagrid slacks. I need to breathe in the dust from Glattopin."
"Great, splendid," Drodopac concurred.
"Drodopac, just one thing. You seem awfully... Enthusiastic and caring for an INTP, which only leads me to believe you're..."

"IF YOU MENTION THE FIDLAR ONE MORE TIME, I SWEAR, I am so sick of that shit, NiTen. There's no logic in your accusation."

"Alright, now you're sounding more like your INTP self," NiTen khakied.

"You could've used my blueprint," Drodopac complained.

"YOURS? Your diagram of the contraption, Drodopac, it was way too... Ankular."
"You're so funny, NiTen! Ha-ha-ha-ha," Drodopac released a rather uncomfortable, awkward fake laugh.

"Okay, now I need to prepare for the contest. Here's the thing, Drodopac. I am quite literally incapable of feeling emotion. How may I impersonate an ESFP to the best of my abilities, enough to win over the Hagrid slacks, without emotion?"

"You fake it, silly sloth. You're not feeling if you're faking," Drodopac toothpasted.

"I'll demonstrate for you, and be honest," NiTen Berted.

"WOOOOOO!!!! OH YEAH, OH YEAH, I WANNA HAVE FUN! I WANNA GO OUT, I WANNA HIT THE CLUB AND DO A LITTLE JIG, LIVING IN THE MOMENT IS MY WAY OF LIFE, MAAAAN! HEY, COME OVER HERE, YOU HOT THANG AND WHY DON'T YOU BOOGIE WITH MY MAMMOTH HAIRS???? MMMM, MMMM, YEAH," NiTen licked INTJ's lips flirtatiously.

Drodopac floated all the way up to the sugary ceiling, unable to speak.

"Ni-Ni-NiTen, you- you're capable of," Drodopac slapped INTPself as the hairs on INTP began to sway and bop, singsonging unanimous "oohh!" and "aaah!"

"It was an act, you dunderhead," NiTen coughed. "Don't allow it to change your image of me, please. I'm not actually that much of an embarrassment."