I Can't Lose You [Supercorp] COMPLETED

Chapter 16

"Alex, hey. It's Lena. Look you've been really distant lately. Or I have? But I wanted to know how you're holding up. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here." I ended the call.

Things must be hard for Alex, even worse than I can imagine. My brother isn't dead, so it must be hard to lose a sister. Especially Kara.

I have to admit things haven't been getting better. I've lost out on hours of sleep because I just think of Kara. I really want to see her again. I miss our lunch catchups. I miss working with her. I miss her. I can't seem to get away from the thought of how horrible I was to her before she died. I mean my last words to her were rude. "Please just go." I mean really? I told her to leave, knowing what my Lillian and Lex we're capable of. I knew deep down something could happen, and I just.. let it.

I haven't been doing much lately. Working from home, home delivery for groceries, etcetera. I can't seem to go anywhere, news follows. Paps follow. Ot's better to be alone.

2 DAYS LATER

Simple two days. Working, not much sleep.

It's been two days since I last read Kara's diary. I think I'm at least 1% more stable than I was last time.

I grabbed the book and opened it from where I left off...

DAY ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY NINE

Today Edge was a complete asshat!! He really hurt Lena. She tried to show it didn't but I could see in her eyes that it did. He poisoned loads of children and blamed it on Lena. How dare he?! Lena is GOOD. She would never do that, right?!

When Lena found out she decided it was best to step down from CatCo for however long it took to clear up. James recommended that it would be for the best, I didn't agree but whatever Lena wanted to do I would support.

Lena requested a conference. Obviously I was against it (simply because I don't want Lena to get hurt) and as I thought something bad happened. Someone shot a gun, James did the heroic thing (for once) and jumped in front of Lena, thank god. I mean he got shot, which is bad but, he protected Lena, which I'm all for so thanks, James!!!

Anyways, Lena went back to Sams house and planned to stay there the night. Sam had to leave so I offered to stay with Lena. When I came in there was glass smashed and Lena looked so depressed, my heart really felt for her, well my human heart I guess? I cleaned up and we had a talk. It was a heartfelt one. Deep, but to me it really meant something.

I told Lena that I wasn't going to give up, no matter what. And I kept my word. She was reluctant to my words but I didn't stand by it, at least this time I didn't. I always care about what Lena says and that's because she's my best friend and I love her, she's right like.. most of the time. Dear Rao if anyone finds this diary DO NOT show this to her, I don't want to finally prove her right. It's our little joke we have. I'm off topic. Anyways.. we carried on speaking and she said something to me that I could never ever forget.

"I know you believe that everything is good and kind and that.. that is one of the things I love about you, but that is not the real world."

THAT IS ONE OF THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOU!!!

LENA?!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

Is this a 'gay panic?' I'll ask Alex

Ugh, off topic again!!!

So, she told me that and I felt something I never have before, not even with Mon-El. I think at that point in time, I really realised I loved her. In love with her maybe? Regardless of what she said, I still fought and fought. With Sam once she came home too! We were a great team, I must say. We proved Edge wrong, I called Lena and I told her. It was a good moment.

That good moment lasted literally 2 seconds I swear. Turns out Lena visited Edge and then he hurt her and threw her onto a plane. Edge and his little murderous crew was going to kill lena. If I didn't recognise her voice something bad would've happened. For one, they wanted to kill her and two, they were going to release led into the ocean. Two terrible things. So I... Supergirl.. saved Lena. It was eventful to say the least. She wanted me to drop her and no way in hell would I EVER do that.

All that crazy stuff happened and then Lena, Sam and I had a glass of wine.

It was a crazy night.

And of course Lena was proved to be the hero she is. I'm proud of her. I really am. She's so amazing and smart and beautiful and... everything I want.

What sucks the most is that I still haven't told her my secret. I need to do it I know I just.. I want to protect her. What if I die again and she's there and she sees me die? I couldn't bare to put her through that. I mean she watched her mother die, watching your best friend die too? I can't let that happen to her. I think I'm protecting her too. If she knew my secret identity she would get hurt. I can't let her get hurt. I love her too much for something like that to happen.

For now I'll just leave it be. I'll tell her soon. I have to.

Goodnight, diary.

Kara proved herself to be the best person she really is.. was that night. I couldn't thank her enough for it. If only we could drink a glass of wine together one last time, ay?

That's enough for tonight.

I placed the diary back into my drawer, and laid in bed. End of the day.

"Goodnight, Kara. I'll see you in my dreams, I love you." I thought to myself.

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1000+ chapter tonight folks! thank you for 14k reads and 400+ votes. you guys great!!

- j x