Disconnected

Eight

Receiving a phone call from my daughter's father is one of the last things I wanted to endure. It's bittersweet on both of our ends, as Val and I haven't seen each other in years. Explaining to me that Cadence reached out to him, I was happy, and a tad bit heartbroken. She was happy to rekindle a relationship with her father, yet I longed to have a bond with her. I understand that both Val and I were young, but we did what was best for Cadence.

Sean was such a supportive husband, telling me that any decision I made in order to form a relationship with Cadence, he would be okay with it. I haven't see my baby since she was a toddler. Scary, yes. What made me anxious is that she has a little brother, and to bring it up would hurt her. I was too indulged with my career, and having a child at that time wasn't the best thing to do. I admit, I was very much so selfish. I was a people pleaser. If I had kept Cadence, who knows what would've happened with my reputation in the public eye.

Being known as "Michael Jackson's little sister" was a title that I couldn't shake. I worked my ass off since forever, and I refused to be in the limelight of my iconic brother. I created a name for myself, which lead me to becoming a successful individual. Entertaining is my passion. Nothing or nobody could ever take that away from me.

Tears pooled my brown eyes as I thought about this surprise visit to see my daughter. Dealing with my personal anxiety, it was hard enough to think about what is going to transpire. Of course I loved my child, without a doubt but I knew I made her life miserable. Cadence is going to resent me for my foolish actions from years ago. She practically a grown woman and as hard I don't want to accept it, I have to face the reality of what will go down.

I prayed to God every night for strength because it was going to take a miracle to get through this huge obstacle. Val and I agreed to have a family discussion, just the three of us to see where our heads are at. Honestly speaking, Val was a gentleman. He could've resented me for this painful decision. I'm forever grateful for the love he still had for me. We were young and Val understood the dilemma I would've faced from having a child out of wedlock at such a young age, especially being a known entertainer. I thought I was grown because I was eighteen; but no, age doesn't specify whether you're mature or not. I just hoped and prayed that thing wouldn't turn for the worst.

"J, I just want you to know that I will always be by your side. I know you love Cadence and everything will work out in its favor." Sean said, snaking his arms around my waist. It felt good to have a cheerleader who was on my side; I'd be frazzled and even more stress than I am. On top of being with child, my emotions were at an all time high. Having complications with Jeremiah's pregnancy, I was cautious of my levels of anxiety. I'm just grateful for that I am carrying a healthy baby.

Turning to face my husband, I couldn't help but to smile at him. Sean was truly my other half and I truly mean that. I've always had been blessed to have great men in my life, whether it worked out or not, but I knew he was meant to be my forever. I'm in a place in my life where I can't be upset at the things that aren't in my control. Unable to take charge of Cadence's feelings are out of my hands. I love her, unconditionally, but it's going to be a challenge trying to mend a broken relationship.

"I'm going to head out now. Sucks that Jeremiah is at school right now, but I'll be back in a few days." Hugging Sean, I wish he were coming with me. He was the only person to calm me down and keep me grounded, wipe my every tear, and call me beautiful when I didn't feel like it. These next four days were going to be life changing, to say the least. Grabbing my suitcase for me, Sean and I headed out from our bedroom to the driveway outside. Sitting in the driver's seat, I was ready to get this over with.

"I love you guys, stay safe and call me when you reach." Smiling to myself, I kissed my husband as if it were the last time I'd be seeing him. Looking at my vibrating iPhone, I see an iMessage sent from Val. Using Face ID to unlock my cellular device, I read the message.

Hey Janet. I spoke to Cadence and she is willing to talk about everything.

A part of me was ecstatic that she wanted to converse with me, but fear instantly took over my body. What if she got physical or stormed out when I tried to explain myself? I don't tolerate disrespect, but I've got to become lenient in this particular situation. I entered the key into the ignition, and Sean backed up from my vehicle. He winked at me, causing me to wink back in response. I pulled out the driveway and saw him from my rear view mirror, waving to me. Honking, it was time to get this show on the road. The Waze app gave me an estimated ETA of three hours for the arrival time. It was already twelve noon, so I'd get to Val's house by three; the latest three thirty.

Blasting the Savage remix featuring Beyoncé, my thumbs tapped against the steering wheel. I enjoyed good music, especially during a road trip. A fun fact about me is that I love driving. It gives me the ability to think things over and have the freedom that I wanted. I appreciated Sean for understanding why I chose to drive rather than fly. First off, it's unnecessary to do so. A forty-five minute flight isn't that serious.

Gripping the steering wheel with one hand, I grazed my hand over my stomach. Today marked fourteen weeks and we were one step closer to finding out the gender. Hoping for a little girl, I had so many names in my head, but whatever we have I'll be grateful. There where times like these where I wish I didn't have issues in my immediate family. I just wanted my baby girl to understand why I did what I did.

I'm just praying she understands everything.