Feeling disappointed, unhappy, and being lost always happens to the general public. Not knowing where you came from is disheartening and sure is complicated. Uneasy feelings rise when twenty-year old Cadence Elliott is in the process of looking for...
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After encountering the emotional breakdown that I shared with Janet, I was slowly regaining my happiness. Everything really happens for a reason, so there's no complaints at all. Spending time with my sister and Diane in the living room, we decided to talk about what's going to happen in the near future. I love LA but New York is my home. Dad asked me to move here, but I didn't want to intrude. Having my own home at the age of twenty was something you don't hear often. Especially living in New York. That home is where I grew up in and I couldn't sell it; not over my dead body.
Dad mentioned to me about proposing to Diane soon, since they've been together for an eternity. I'm glad he's found love and that they've got a solid family. Jade linked her arm into Diane's, causing me to laugh as Diane rolled her eyes, playfully. Janet was currently taking a nap, which I don't blame her for. Allegedly she was pregnant and today was emotional for the both of us, so she needed all the rest she could get.
"So, how's everything going on between you and your mother, so far?" Jade was inquiring about what went down, but nothing bad really happened besides the slap in her face. It's hard to believe that my mother is an icon, but it's even harder to call someone else 'Mom', when you grew up with someone who raised me as their own.
"Well everything is okay. I'm just ready to start building a bond with her I guess. I have two days left here in LA, then I go back. This trip didn't go in vain, so I can't be mad. It's all bittersweet because this was life changing." I smiled, genuinely.
"I'm glad you've got what you wanted, sis." Looking at her watch, it was time for Jade to eat, leaving Diane and I alone in the room. The two of us really didn't know each other, but I needed some advice.
"Diane, I have a question, you don't have to answer."
"Nonsense, you can ask me anything." I felt relieved.
"Okay, well. How did you feel when Jade called you Mom?" My eyebrows furrowed and my palms became clammy. I didn't want to push that title on Janet yet. She probably wouldn't be emotionally prepared.
"At first I was apprehensive because I never wanted to take Jade's mother's place, ever. It happened so naturally and I don't have any biological children, but I love it now." It's like Diane sensed where I was going with this.
"Hmm, you're thinking of calling Janet, Mom now?" Damn.
"Well, yes and n-no," I was stuttering like I was confused. Technically, I am. I'm just overwhelmed with everything going on. "Yes, because I'm feeling a small connection with her and her motherly instincts are rubbing off on me, but no..I just don't feel right at the same time. My foster mother was the only mother I've ever known, and I just don't want to replace her. I've only known Janet for two days and things are moving so fast, that I can't keep up. I know she loves me and I'm trying to love her, but I'm so tired of being tired." Wiping my eyes with shirt's sleeves, Diane sat next to me rubbing my back.
"Oh honey, it'll be okay. Janet seems like a lovely lady and it's hard to let her in after all these years. You were so used to be alone and now that both of your parents are around, it's hard to grasp reality. She's here now, Cadence. You don't have to call her Mom, right away. It will take some time and you do it on your own terms." Diane was absolutely right.
"She's right, you do it on your own terms," Janet announced. Startled was an understatement. How long was she standing there for? First off, when did she hear us?
"I'm not rushing you, Cadence. I don't mind you calling me on a first name basis, it's honestly fine. It's going to take a lot in order for me to be called Mom. I don't want to pressure you and I'm not hurt by your decision. You know what's best for you and that's all that matters, kiddo." Janet smiled. Sitting at the other side of the couch, both Diane and Janet hugged me. All this affection and love stuff made me queasy.
"I love you guys," For the first time in years, I said the 'l' word. Diane smiled at me, meanwhile Janet had tears in her eyes. So dramatic.
"You sure do cry a lot, Janet." I laughed. I was hoping she would spill some tea because I didn't feel like asking.
"That's what happens when you're pregnant." Janet smiled. My eyes widen and my plan worked. I quickly hugged her, feeling so happy for her.
"I'm going to be a big sister," I mumbled not realizing I said it out loud. A smile crept up on Diane's face as she was looking at Janet. Releasing the hug, I saw her smiling at me. "What?"
"You acknowledged..your sibling." Janet's hormones are really something different and I'm praying for her.
"I mean, you are my mother, so..." Janet burst out in more tears. This was the first time, I accepted her as my parent. Internally rolling my eyes, I managed to smile for her. This was her moment so I let her have it. After twenty years of not knowing who my birth mother was, I came to the realization that she was always my mother. She didn't raise me, but she thought of me everyday of her life. I was beyond blessed and excited to see where things went.
