Rain

I want you

"You know, if you are feeling horny, we could have sex tonight," Emily said idly as they did chart work. Mark raised his eyebrows and she smiled slightly. Her fingers ran through his hair as she closed the binder and nestled in beside him on the on-call bed.

"Really?" She nodded and he sighed. A frown crossed her face and she silently asked him to look at her. "It's just, my NYC shrink said I use sex as a way to mimic the feeling of being loved 'cause I have daddy and mommy issues."

"Oh. Well, I have abandonment issues so, honestly, it's probably not a good idea to have sex so early in our relationship," she said with a shrug. "The crippling anxiety of you possibly leaving me is there."

"I'm not leaving you, jailbait."

"Yeah, well, it hasn't gone well in the past."

"Ah, so we're a pair of fuckups." Humming, she tilted her head up to kiss him.

"Essentially," she whispered as her hand fidgeted with the edge of his scrub shirt.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"My last serious relationship was more than five years ago. I've been celibate since." He raised his eyebrows and she closed her eyes, resting on top of him. His hands sat on the small of her back. "It helps focus on the work. I've thought about it, though. The first few months after the relationship broke off. I thought about how I could hurt him back. Sleep with his best friend, sleep with his sister, sleep with anyone at a bar because I wanted to show him I could move on as fast as he could."

"He cheated on you?"

"Yeah. With medicine," she said listlessly and he kissed her forehead. "It just wasn't working out and I depended on him more than I should have. That's what really messed me up, falling back to square one and being alone." Her chin on his chest, her eyebrows knit together when his eyes narrowed.

"Wait, did you say sleep with his sister?"

"Too much of a dick move?"

"I just didn't know you were into girls," he said and she wrinkled her nose at his chest, tilting her head up to kiss the column of his throat.

"Well, I'm into you now, so don't worry your pretty little head."

"Oh, I won't."

The rain pounded down on her as it splattered like thunder. She shivered, sucking in a quivering breath as her hair plastered to her head. She could barely see but there were was something warmer than the rain trailer her cheeks.

The blood stain was still there, and this time Sara was here too. The past few days Emily had left and came, the woman wasn't anywhere in sight, but this time she was. Sometimes they clashed. It was always the same spot.

"Sara, you should go inside," Emily managed to say between puffing breaths. Sara squeezed their joined hands and looked to the brunette beside her.

"I'll go if you go," she said with a barely concealed sniff. Emily wiped hair away from her face, trying to see clearly but found she couldn't. The rain blurred her vision - or was that her tears - and she merely stared at the slowly fading stain. It was there, ingrained in her memory. She just couldn't let it go. She needed it gone.

It felt like hours passed before the rain stopped over their head. It still thundered around the two women but when Emily looked around, she saw Mark holding an umbrella above their heads. "Come on, let's get you two inside. You're freezing." The two women glance at each other before they turned around. Mark followed after them, umbrella in hand.