Rain

Consequences

Of course, sometimes we have impulses we would rather not control, that we later wish we had.
-Meredith Grey

"Good morning," someone murmured in her ear and she groaned. Her head was pounding and she groaned again even louder, burying her face into the arm that acted as her pillow. A warm hand traced gentle circles on the juncture between her hip and waist. "Have a little headache, do we?" Her eyes snapped open and she realized who it was. Rolling out of bed, she clutched the blanket around her to clothe her naked body.
What the fuck did I just do? What did I do? she screamed in her head as Jackson sat up. He seemed to be realizing how distraught she looked as she immediately began gathering her clothes. Every movement was panicked as she tried to block out last night. "Emily?"
"Shut up." She tried to keep her voice from shaking but failed. What did I do? It kept repeating in her head as she pulled on her pants and poked her head through a shirt.
"Em-"
"Shut up!" she yelled, feeling like crap. "Just, shut up!" Wasn't she the little hypocrite? Heat flooded her neck and cheeks, making her burn up.
"If you want-"
"Get out!" The brunette's voice rung through the house. "Get the hell out!" There was a pregnant pause where they just stared at each other. The only sound was of their breaths before he gathered his clothes and made his way to the door. He tried again to talk to her but she shuddered, walking towards the bed and sitting down. "Leave."
As the door clicked close, she buried her face in her hands. Tears sprung to her eyes as she tried to stop them. Digging the heels of her hands into her eyes, she brought her knees to her chest. Here she was, mad at Mark for sleeping with Addison so soon, and here she was, after sleeping with Jackson. Her heart ached as her brain threw words in her face.
Hypocrite, a shitty person, slut.
The door opened again and she was about to scream the person's ear off when Lexie came up, a smile on her face. Wiping at her face, she tried to mask that she'd been crying but the brunette ignored it completely in place of giving her a cup of coffee. There were no words passed between them as more footsteps echoed in the tiny staircase. Meredith appeared first, followed by Derek and Alex, each holding a plate of breakfast. They sat around the mattress in a small circle as Derek handed her a second plate with a smile.
"I broke up with Mark," she whispered and they all seemed to nod. Meredith rubbed her shoulder and Emily tried to grin, looking at her eggs and sausages. "Then I get mad for sleeping with Addison. Now look at what I did. Am I a hypocritical bitch or what?"
Alex nodded. "Yeah,"
"Alex!" Lexie scolded. They continued to eat but Emily couldn't find in herself to be hungry. Instead, she sipped on her coffee until it was completely gone and stood. Stepping over her friend's plates and towards the entrance, she began to open the door when there was a call of 'Wait up!' Turning around, she saw Meredith standing up with an empty bowl that use to hold fruit.
"We'll be back," the blonde called over her shoulder before leading the way into the kitchen. Meredith handed over the pot of coffee before going to the medicine cabinet near the sink. Taking out Advil, she passed it over to Emily.
"Thanks."
"It's not the first time awkward sex-related scenes have happened in this house," Meredith commented as Emily poured herself another cup of coffee. "What are you going to do now?"
"You mean I shouldn't parade around the hospital with a sign saying 'Hypocrite' around my neck?" Emily asked sarcastically. "I never meant to sleep with him."
"But you did. You can't take that back," the blue-eyed woman said, leaning on the counter. "Emily, you need a plan to fix this mess that you just made. What are you going to do?"
"Yeah, because I have all the answers," she muttered sarcastically, "I thought I did, once. Now, I'm not so sure." Emily's pounding headache mixed with what happened that morning didn't make for a particularly peachy mood. The hollowing feeling in her chest didn't become filled when the scorching coffee trickled down her throat. "Meredith, when you and George... how did you feel?"
"Like shit," the woman said bluntly. "We were both in the wrong but I think if I could've just gotten my feelings in check, it would've all been avoided, no matter what he said." A nostalgic and sad smile crossed her face when she spoke of their dead friend. "But in the end, I knew I loved Derek and I knew I couldn't love George like that."
"But neither of you were drunk."
"You aren't the victim here." Meredith pinned her with a no-nonsense glare. Emily looked at the grill, tracing the uneven burn lines. "Just please, get it together and make up. We both know how much time was wasted between George and I when clearly, we didn't have enough." With another sad grimace-like grin, Meredith patted Emily on the shoulder. "See you back up there." Leaving the brunette alone, Meredith went back up the stairs.
She looked at her coffee. Mark liked it with a lot of sugar to satisfy the sweet tooth and with almost no cream. Grabbing the sugar from the center of the counter, she tapped the side and watched the white crystals dissolve as soon as they touched the steaming coffee before going to the fridge, taking out a carton and pouring a small stream of cream. Stirring it, she watched as the blackness turned only just a shade lighter.
Taking a sip, she nearly choked on how sweet it was. But it was the same taste that flooded her mouth in the morning for almost a year. Choking half of it down, she closed her eyes shut before pouring the other half down the sink.
.
One week. One week since that awful morning and using his most charming smile, he had managed to convince the nurses to rearrange his schedule so he'd never have to see her.
Jackson flipped through his patient's charts as he walked down the hallway. Walking past nurses and orderlies alike, he looked up to make sure he wouldn't bump into anyone just as Dr. Shepherd and his resident turned the corner. Emily froze when she saw him, but didn't hide as Dr. Shepherd turned to look at Emily. He seemed confused until he saw him. They began to walk past him and she looked at him.
"Dr. Avery,"
"Jackson, can we talk?"
"Dr. Shepherd." Clearing his throat, Jackson just barely managed not to run away. In just a week, his life turned into a whirlwind of 'what the hell is going on?'
.
"Can the nerves be saved?" Emily asked as Derek rubbed his arms with a towel. They had just scrubbed in as the nurses draped the patient. The neurosurgeon guided his arms through a gown before putting on some gloves as Emily eyed him.
"That's what we're gonna find out. I have high hopes." Derek smiled behind his mask as she snapped on a pair of gloves. Sitting down on the chairs, they began to look at the arm as the door whirled open again. Looking up, Emily felt like the universe hated her as Mark and Jackson rubbed their hands dry before putting on a pair of gloves and a gown.
Of course. A boy who had poured his mother's boiling soup all over his two arms would include the plastics department.
"How's it going so far, Derek?"
"Just started. You prepping the skin graft?"
"Yep." Emily gently debrided a part of the arm as Jackson went around the table. Pulling the tweezers back, she felt someone nudge into her back and she nearly ripped off the skin.
"Hey!" she yelped, glaring over her shoulder at Jackson who looked away. "Watch it next time."
"My bad," he muttered flatly and they held an awkward staring contest until she broke it. Derek and Mark shared looks - Mark's saying, 'What's going on?' and Derek's saying, 'Later.'
"It's... whatever. Whatever, Avery."
"Avery," he repeated and she looked at him. "Wow."
"I'm sorry, is there something you'd like to say?" Emily asked quietly and Jackson shook his head. "You know what, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen." Mark raised his eyebrows, completely confused.
"Great. I'm sorry it was that bad."
"You know that wasn't what I meant!"
"Really? I couldn't get the message when all you said was to get the hell out."
"Jackson-"
"This is not the right place to talk about this." He turned to help his attending and she flushed when stares burned into her. "Dr. Sloan, the skin graft."
"You know what? You're the one who's been ignoring me. You keep avoiding me - how am I supposed to make this right when you do that?"
"Believe me, if this boy didn't need my help, I'd already be out the door," Jackson commented and for once, Emily couldn't help but agree. "At least it would be by choice this time." Offended, she scowled.
"Yeah, like you've never made a mistake."
"Oh, so that's what I am?"
"No!"
"Enough," Derek cut whatever they were gonna say off. His tone was cold and his blue eyes were just as frosty. "Either shut up or get out of my O.R. We don't need you two fighting while we try to make sure this boy is going to ever feel anything in his arms again." When the neurosurgeon turned back to the brunette, they held a staring contest.
Then they started operating again.
.
"What's going on between Emily and Avery?" Mark asked as they began to scrub out. Avery had gone first, trying to widen the distance between them with Emily following soon after. He had never seen his ex so confrontational for no reason. Derek shrugged, washing the foam off his arms.
"You missed a lot at the frat house." Derek muttered, turning off his sink and resting against the metal rim. "I don't know if she wants me to tell you but..."
"Derek?"
"Valentine''s Day, Joe's bar. Avery brought Emily home and ended up staying the night." It was like someone ripped the heart out of his chest. "Morning after, she kicked him out. Bad blood's all." The neurosurgeon explained in brief and Mark wiped his hands dry. His throat was dry as a memory surfaced in his brain.
"I can take you on a tour, if you'd like, maybe a quick-pass to a rollercoaster."
"Funny but no. No guys in bars."
The memory was so clear. The first time he had spoken to what he thought was the love of his life. Of course, he didn't know that then. They were just two strangers in a bar who had made a deal. He had loved Addison then, looking for a quick fix. And she said no. Then, they became friends, best friends, ones who knew each other's fidgets and favourite scones. Who loved each other. Mark still loved her, he knew that. It just wasn't his place anymore.
"So... is she moving on?"
"You weren't there but with the response she had? Definitely not," Derek said and wiped his arms as well. "She still loves you, so maybe you should get her while you have the chance."
"After I pushed a baby onto her? Months after she had a miscarriage? Derek-"
"Mark, do you love her?"
"Well, yeah, but-"
"Then get her. God knows how much time Meredith and I could've saved had we just been honest." A pat on the shoulder makes Mark look at his brother. The mood was becoming somber and Derek smiled, switching the topic before Mark could get into one of his dark places. "Hey, did you really sleep with Addison?"
"Yeah." He gave a wry smile and Derek chuckled. "Why do you care? You're married now."
"I'll see you later, Mark."
.
"Stay in here, keep an eye on his vitals. He's in a delicate position and I don't want him gone by the time I'm back in the morning for the rest of his skin grafts," Sloan ordered and Jackson nodded, taking the binder from his attending. "Good work today, Avery." The complement seemed restrained as Jackson nodded again.
"Thank you, sir. And I'm sorry for what happened in the O.R. today." Sloan didn't say anything, only left as Jackson walked into the room where the sleeping boy was. Plopping down on the chair, he sighed and opened up the chart, writing down the vitals and the time.
Catching up on his other charts, the hours seemed to slowly tick by when there was a knock on the door. Raising his head and blinking blearily, he saw Emily with a hesitant expression across her face. She looked ready to go home but when he checked the time, he noted that it was already four in the morning. They both had a mandatory oncology shift at eight.
"Hi."
"Hey," he greeted warily. "What do you want?"
"Derek told me to check up on Evan. How is he?" She pulled at her fingers as he looked at Evan Hansen's chart.
"Vitals stable, last checked ten minutes ago. Anything else?" There was an awkward pause where she looked down at her shoes and he looked into his lap, tapping his pen on the side of his finger. "Look, if there's nothing else I've got to work-"
"What I said earlier - I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out that way."
"I really don't want to talk about it." She frowned at his response but it was true. It was one night, whatever. If she wanted to forget about it, that was fine by him. In fact, he was more hurt by the fact that she told him to get out without allowing him a chance to explain. "You just threw me out and didn't let me get a damn word in."
"I'm sorry-"
"I know you are. Stop saying that! Okay? I am a man. A grown ass man. Just, I wish it didn't happen that way." He rubbed his face with his hand as she walked over and sat on the chair near his. A sigh was shared between them and finally, Emily looked at him. "You know that feeling when you like someone but you're not sure so you end up doing something stupid."
"Felt that way twenty different times in my intern year."
"Sloan?"
"Yeah." Emily looked over at him and he wasn't doing his charts anymore. Instead, he tapped his foot on the floor, clicking his pen. "Jackson, are we going to be okay?" He nodded, a tight grin on his face.
"Of course. I'm sorry I didn't just drive you home."
"I'm sorry I kissed you in the first place." He stood, stretching his limbs as she checked the time on her phone. Only 4:15. Sliding her phone back into her pocket, she yawned. "Well, that's the first and last time I'm having a one-night stand." In an instant, Jackson was looking at her with an arched brow.
"You've only had one in your life? Dude, you need to go out more." He snorted and she kicked his calf. Plopping back down, he sent her a glare.
"It's not like I'm a virgin." she muttered when she remembered they were in a sleeping kid's room. "Besides," a yawn, "why is that such a shock? I've literally only been with like four guys seriously my whole life."
"It wasn't my last, that's for sure." He winked and she scrunched up her nose in disgust.
"Dude, ew."
"I'm sorry for sleeping with you," he added lamely and the corners of their mouths tugged up.
"Same here."
"So... we're just... going to do nothing but awkwardly sit in this silence?" Jackson asked and she looked at Evan Hansen's sleeping form.
"Wanna watch pirated movies on my laptop?"
"That's like twenty different kinds of illegal, Em."
"You know what? No Rush Hour for you," she sniffed and he grabbed her wrist, pulling her back down.
"Wait, fine. Come on, come on." Smiling, she slipped out of his grasp to get her laptop and he settled in, thankful that he didn't have to switch out of the residency, move states, and possibly change his name.
.
Morning came in the fashion of Derek shaking her. Eyes opening, she blinked away the sleep as the neurosurgeon smirked at her. "Wake up,"
"Where am I?" she mumbled. Jackson was in a similar state as Derek jostled him as well. Raising her head, she ran a hand through her tangled curls and realized that she had fallen asleep in Evan's room. Wiping at her mouth, she sat up and felt all her joints crack. "Derek?"
"When I said check his vitals, I didn't mean a sleep over." Standing up, she tucked it under her arm as Derek checked his watch. "It's four, by the way. You have rounds in two hours."
"I know," she muttered and raised her head to the bed. Her blood froze as she watched Mark check the burns of the boy. His eyes met hers and she tried to say something but her throat was too dry. Clearing it, she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.
"Dr. Moore. When you've cleaned yourself up—" Her blush intensified— "could you check up on my ulcer in 2172 before rounds?"
"Yeah." She cleared her throat again when her voice came out raspy. "Of course. Sorry about this." She waved a nervous hand, gesturing between the chair and Jackson who echoed her words.
"No worries," Mark assured cooly and Emily flinched. "Go on, Moore. It's an old lady who needs those pillows changed."
"Of course," she repeated, running out of the room as Jackson followed closely behind. He caught up to her and they shared looks that both said, Shit.