Rain

Chickenpox

So we build the walls high and wide, and we lock the gates.
-Jo Wilson

Emily woke up and nearly fell a five centimeter drop to the floor. Teetering on the edge, she rolled back onto her back and slapped the mattress with a groan. Rubbing her eyes, she got up and crawled to her baggage. Picking out an outfit, she threw it onto her bed before grabbing her bag of toiletries. Dragging herself to the bathroom, she found Alex inside the shower.
"Does Mer know yet?"
"Nope," he yelled back as she brushed her teeth. "Hey." She glanced to her left and saw his head poking out from the shower curtain. "Hand me my towel." Pausing with the toothbrush in her mouth, she grabbed it and passed it to him. Resuming her brushing, she spat out a wad of toothpaste and saliva before brushing again. "Thanks." She made a noise as if to say 'you're welcome' but it came out garbled.
Rinsing her mouth, she wiped her mouth. Alex stepped out of the shower, towel wrapped around his waist. "Can I?"
"All yours." He gestured and she stripped as he left. She showered quickly, stepping out the shower fifteen minutes later and wringing out her hair in a towel. Scampering back to the attic, she changed into her clothes before going down to the main floor. Trying to brush out her stringy hair, she walked past Lexie and Taylor who blushed when she caught them kissing.
"That's not all I heard last night," she told them bluntly. They became even redder, too stunned to even ask why she was there. Going to the kitchen, she spotted Alex near the sink. "Morning again." She yawned and grabbed a slice of bread from the bag he left open. Tying it closed, she ate it plain as Meredith came down.
"What - why are you - nevermind. This is a frat house enough."
"Izzie's coming back by the way," Alex informed and Emily sat down on the chair. "She broke up with Sloan," he added, looking at Mer. The blonde frowned and Emily smiled stiffly.
"I'm fine. We're fine." Taking Alex's offered cup of orange juice, she used it to wash down her bread. "First time moving in here. I already feel welcomed," she said dryly. "Hey, are we gonna tell Iz that her bedroom is now occupied."
"Hi." They all turned around to see Izzie, smile upon her face and a suitcase behind her. "Occupied by who?"
.
She was doing checking up on Callie's post-ops when Arizona rolled up to her on her Wheelies. "Emily. I need a favor." Turning to the blonde, she closed the chart. "We have a situation." Getting the idea, she frowned.
"What happened to Callie?" Gesturing for Emily to follow her, they went to one of the secluded rooms that was normally used for infectious diseases. Callie paced back and forth, scratching at her neck.
"The chicken pox." Arizona glanced at the brunette and they had a staring contest.
"Em? Em is the 'World Class' specialist you wanted me to see?" the Latina snapped and Emily grinned, stepping inside.
"Woah, wait. Emily has had the chickenpox when she was eight."
"How do you-"
"I snooped through your personnel file. I," she addressed Callie again, "on the other hand, have not nor did I have the vaccine." Callie scratched at her wrist as Emily chuckled at Arizona's response.
"You're a pediatrician. How have you never had the-"
"No, I am a pediatric surgeon. I don't do little diseases on little people. I do big surgeries on little people." The peds surgeon smiled at her girlfriend who made a break for the entrance. Arizona closed the glass door, saying how highly contagious Callie was. "I love you," The woman assured as Callie scratched her neck.
"No scratching," Emily reprimanded.
"I am going to kill you."
"Stop scratching, 'cause you're just gonna make it worse and then you're gonna scar." Stopping hesitantly, Callie plopped back on the bed. Arizona left with a final smile. Emily closed the glass door and locked it.
"I'll be right back with charts. Don't scratch!" she reminded when Callie's hand reached up to clawed at her neck. It fell back guiltily and Emily made a mad dash for the ortho wing. Picking up all the charts she was assigned to do, she returned to Callie's room. She tied the gown firmly around her waist and snapped on a pair of gloves. Opening the sliding door, she slipped inside and closed it again. "If you don't stop scratching, I'll give you the gauze paws," she warned and Callie basically sat on her hands to prevent the action.
"I'm trying!" The woman gritted out but in the end, she couldn't stop herself. "No, please!"
"Gauze paws!" Emily announced and went through the drawer to take out rolls of the white bonding material. "Give me your hand."
"No."
"Callie."
"No."
"Give me your hand!" she snapped and Callie reluctantly surrendered the appendage. Emily wrapped the hand tightly but not too tight that it cut off circulation before doing it to her other hand. "See? Now you can't scratch at all."
"I hate you."
"You love me. Now, work. Tibial plateau fracture in twenty-two forty."
.
"Work was supposed to keep your mind off the itching."
"Scratching will keep my mind off itching. Now take 'em off!" Emily sighed, putting down the pen and closing the binder. Crossing a leg over the one she was standing on and resting the toe of her shoe against the floor, she just ignored her. "Hey. Hey." Looking up, she pinned the older woman with a glare. I'm an attending. You're a resident."
"You're a patient and I'm the doctor. Now sit down and stop scratching," she ordered. Callie squirmed, eyes becoming glossy as her voice broke.
"Please let me scratch," she began desperately, "just for five minutes."
"It'll scar."
"I don't care. Scars are hot. Scars are badass. Scars are poetic. I'm begging you." Although she was sympathetic, she still held her ground and shook her head. Callie seemed to vibrate as she shook even harder to prevent herself from scratching. Her voice broke and she nearly began crying. "I'm in pain - 'down to the core of my being' pain, 'I'm going crazy' pain, 'scary, will this ever go away' pain. Do-do you get that? Do-do-do you know what I- do you know what I mean when I - when I say that? Because this pain is 'need to scratch an itch that I ca-can't scratch.' 'The pain of a thousand itches,' and it's making me crazy." The ortho attending took a sharp quivering breath and her whole body shook. Emily tried desperately to not listen, to block it out as she continued. "Not 'funny' crazy. This is 'bad' crazy, okay? It's 'dark' crazy. It's 'make a suit out of someone else's skin' crazy, okay? Pain, Em, pain."
"I broke up with Mark," she finally said dryly. "And I moved into a frat house and I already miss him. I know what kind of pain you're talking about." Immediately, her friend became silent. "Sit down on the bed and try to sleep. I'll be back to check on you but I'll stay out of your way." Reluctantly, the woman obeyed and Emily walked around the bed to lower the bed.
Making sure her patient was comfortable, the hazel-eyed woman slipped out of the room and headed for the cafeteria. Man, she was starving.
.
"What are you talking about?" Emily spun around on a chair besides Jackson as he watched Meredith do the dissection. Taking a bite of her sandwich, she pressed her feet against the floor to stop to listen.
"She's on this thing-" Meredith began but Cristina hurried to explain.
"Okay, if you had to choose between the thing you love - surgery - and the person you love, which would you choose?"
"You would choose Izzie, right?" Meredith urged and Emily shared a glance with Jackson. They eyed Alex who didn't turn around as the blonde paused with her gigantic tweezers in hand, "Because you two are gonna get back together."
"Shut up."
Jackson piped up first: "Wait, why do you have to choose?"
"That doesn't matter. You just do. Which is it - surgery or love?"
"I want both," Jackson said. Emily nodded in agreement and Cristina groaned.
"That's what I said."
"No, you can't have both."
"Why the hell not?"
"Why the hell is he here?" Cristina asked, switching the topic when she couldn't find an answer. Emily stifled a laugh as she explained that it was for a surgery. Jackson grinned and bit off the end of his baby carrot as Cristina leaned back into her chair. "Okay, whatever. Once again, you cannot have both. You have to choose. Emily, what would you choose?" The brunette raised her head and settled her sandwich down near Jackson's fries.
There's nothing to choose, she wanted to say. He had not been in her vision and it was in the back of her mind with him in L.A. which she was grateful for. But with Cristina bringing it up, the smile fell off her face. Feeling a heavy weight settle on her shoulders, she resumed her spinning on the chair.
"I broke up with Mark," she announced quietly. "There is nothing to choose."
"Choose what?" Izzie's voice made them all look up but they quickly returned to their work. She joined them for lunch as Cristina re-explained her question. Izzie looked confused as Meredith did a perfect dissection. Emily kept spinning until she accidentally bumped into Jackson. He put a hand on her wrist to stop her and she smiled crazily. Her world was spinning and the only thing that was centered was the warm hand around her wrist.
"You might have to slow down, baby girl," he joked and she laughed quietly. The nickname pierced through the haze and she realized what he was doing. Falling silent, she looked away. Rejoining the conversation, they heard Izzie ask why. Why surgery over love?
"That's what I said," Jackson remarked and she sighed, resting her head against his shoulder. "You okay? Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call you that. I-"
"It's okay. I'm just dizzy - I'm fine," she mumbled and raised her head when her world stopped spinning. Picking up her sandwich again, she took a bite. The brunette was more than aware that Jackson's gaze lingered for longer than what was appropriate.
.
Checking up on Callie, she noted that the woman was sleeping and exited as soon as she could without waking her up. Pulling off her trauma gown and gloves, she turned around only to bump into none other than the very man she dreaded seeing. "Hey," she greeted softly and his eyes scanned her face. As always, they pierced straight into her and she looked away first. "She's sleeping but if you want to go in, you can since you had them when you were... six." He looked surprised she remembered.
"I-"
"I've got to go," she added hurriedly and walked away only to meet Arizona. "Hey."
"How is she?"
"She's sleeping. You can come look. I just let Mark inside." They went back to where Mark was now rubbing Callie to prevent scarring but still allowing comfort. His back faced them and he didn't know they were there. Emily crossed her arms and sighed.
"That should be me."
"I thought you haven't had them before," Emily replied back, confused. Arizona stepped up to become in line with her friend and shook her head. "Besides, they're just best friends. Don't be jealous."
"I had the chickenpox. I told her I hadn't because... I... I find her miraculous... breathtakingly stunning." Emily's eyes trained on the broad expanse of Mark's back. She thought of him as that too. Breathtakingly stunning, jaw-dropping, magnificent. She stepped forward and placed a hand against the glass silently, the cold glass warming underneath her hands. "Just... I can't stop looking at her," Arizona continued, "and I was afraid with the ooze and the fevers and the scratching - I just - I wanted to stay in the sexy part of things."
"Well, that's no way to have a relationship," Emily murmured and thought of Mark's red-rimmed eyes, blotchy cheeks and salty tears that traced his cheeks back when they had first gotten together. After the crash...
"He makes scratching look sexy." Emily hummed her agreement, letting her hand fall away from the glass and she took a step back. Shoving her hands into her lab coat pockets, she let her eyes just trace his figure. After a moment, Arizona went towards the glass door and it opened with a click. Backing away, Emily turned and walked back to the resident's lounge.
.
"Hey." Looking up, Emily smiled at Jackson. "Can I sit?"
"Uh, yeah. Sure." Scooting over, she let him set beside her. "What's up?"
"You okay? With Sloan breaking up with you and all?" Smiling tightly, she nodded but refused to look in his eyes. Instead, she trained on her lap and he exhaled quietly. "Can you look me in the eye and say it?" he whispered. Looking up, she allowed her mask to crack.
"No," she admitted and he took a hold of her hand.
"Emily, hey, you'll be okay." His green eyes were kind and she pulled her hand away. "I'm sorry-"
"No, it's okay. You're my friend. I - I just can't because I won't ever love someone as much as I love Mark, y'know?" He nodded and she sighed. "I'm sorry."
"You can't go around thinking there's one person left for you in the world. That's now how the world works." Jackson offered his hand again, palm up. "I am your friend, so let me say this: There will always be someone for you and I know they'll be lining up once news gets out." Smiling to herself, she let her hand drop into his. Squeezing gently, Jackson smiled. "I know we haven't been friends for long, or even good friends, but if you ever need anything-"
"Thank you," she whispered and he nodded, letting go of her hand and standing up. "Goodnight, Jackson."
"Goodnight." He started heading back to the hospital and she smiled despite herself, content with just sitting on the hospital bench for a few more minutes.
.
"Dr. Sloan," Avery greeted as he came back into the hospital. Mark furrowed his eyebrows at the younger surgeon, watching him leave when he saw Emily staring after him. Emily was just sitting on the bench as her fingers played with something dark. Walking out of the hospital, he shoved his hands in his pockets when he realized what she was holding in her hands.
"Hey." She looked up and he realized her eyes were glossy, reflecting what little light there was.
"Hey. How was Sloan's surgery?" she asked carefully, her hands still running through the scrub cap he had given her. His hands clenched. His left, specifically, around the necklace she had given away. The weight of what he did in L.A. was heavier than the necklace and he stared into her hazel eyes. They reflected more gold then, from the washed golden glow of the streetlight and he swallowed thickly.
"I slept with Addison." There was a moment where there wasn't even a single breath. She stood and the stars on the scrub cap were bright against the night as she shoved it into her bag. She swung it onto her shoulder as her mind reeled, trying to understand those four words.
"You... slept with Addison," she repeated slowly and he nodded. "I could've slept with Jackson."
"You could've slept with Jackson."
"Not one-hundred percent sure, but I'm positive. I'm positive he would've because he likes me. We're friends. But y'know what? I'm not you. I don't screw anything that walks on two legs and has a nice set of abs." Her words were bitter, cold. "Because it never, for one moment, occurred to me that 'Hey, I should sleep with my friend because I broke up with the love of my life and I'm hurting.'" Her voice shook and anger set her blood on fire. "I never, for a single second, thought that I should sleep with someone else because you had daughter with a sick baby. You were hurting. And I love you. I love you and I thought you loved me too."
"I do. I-"
"So you slept with Addison."
There was pregnant pause. "You broke up with me," he fired back, "You left me. So I get to sleep with whoever I damn well please." Flinching away, she felt the heart that she had placed so tenderly in her hands for just over a year, be squeezed until it cracked.
"Because I wasn't ready! I wasn't ready for a daughter and a grandbaby," she yelled and he brunette could almost hear her heart shatter as she closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, she stared steadily at him. There was no emotion, just a thick, broken voice and glossy eyes. "This is the Mark I thought you left behind." He raised his head defiantly, not saying anything back. "The Mark that just slept with whatever looked good enough for the night. I can't believe this." She laughed disbelievingly. "I - I don't know why I thought I could change you. Why I thought that maybe you changed."
"Once a manwhore always a manwhore, right?"
She swallowed a bitter pill, trying to digest those words she once coaxed out of his head. "You know I never believed in that for a second. Don't forget who was there when you had nothing. Who supported you, who bought you stupid scones - don't forget who was your best friend when you were alone for a damn second."
She turned around and walked towards her car in an effort to her anguish. The man she walked away from stood there, frozen and she didn't even glance over her shoulder as the walls around her heart rose. Brick by brick, they rose higher and higher and she enforced it with a lock on the iron-wrought gate.
.
She walked a little bit behind Jackson as they made their way to the lobby. Derek was having a congregation there. Lexie and Alex walked up ahead as they talked about who would get fired. She stayed half a step behind them when they passed the elevators and found that there was already a large amount of people there. They walked behind near Callie and Owen. The attendings turned to say their own greetings and Emily stood in the center of the triangle formed by Callie, Lexie and Jackson. She looked up over the younger brunette's head as Taylor sidled up beside his girlfriend. He kissed her temple and she smiled up at him.
"What the hell is he wearing?" Callie asked, incredulous.
"He looks good. Chiefly."
"He looks like an undertaker." They all directed their gaze at Derek, his lab coat closed over a blue dress shirt. Glancing over her shoulder, she noticed Mark looking at her and held his gaze until he looked away. Sighing, she let her eyes linger before facing forward again. Jackson's fingers brushed over the back of her hand and she caught the motion. Shaking her head, she gave a half-smile.
"I promised him we'd clap," Arizona added and Cristina smirked.
"Oh, now?"
"Who's service are you on?" Emily asked under her breath but Jackson heard her.
"Altman," he said, equally as quiet. "Is he even talking to you?"
"No. Can we not talk about it?" she hissed as Alex turned around to shush them. Shaking her head, they listened to Derek as he began to talk about the hospital's 'former glory' and how rough the past few months were. Once Derek finished, the group of them clapped awkwardly and they dispersed. Callie gestured for her to follow and Emily held up a finger. "Just a second."
"Avery, I need you to round up my charts and bring 'em to room twenty-two fourteen." Dr. Altman instructed and Jackson frowned, confusion etched on his face.
"Oh, Yang usually comes in early to do that. I'm sure-"
"You know what? Yang's not on my service today. You are." With that, the blonde cardiothoracic surgeon walked away as Arizona came up to Alex. Apparently, the man was 'the future of peds'. The source? Bailey.
"What did she say?"
"That you're the best babysitter in the hospital." Emily elbowed Jackson in the ribs and he flinched. "Ow!"
"You don't think peds is hard-core? 'Cause you can say that to my face, Avery." The smirk disappeared pretty fast. He shook his head and cleared his throat, not looking at the head of peds in the eye.
"No. No, ma'am."
"Mhm. Don't let the roller skates fool you. Peds is nothing but hard-core. Rounds in ten," she added with a look at Alex before going over to Callie who was checking something on her phone.
"Shut up Jackson," Emily warned when he opened his mouth to say anything. "Bye, Alex." She waved and he nodded, heading in the direction of the elevators. Jackson turned to Emily with wide eyes and she stared into his disarmingly bright eyes. "Do you like me? A-hundred-percent, in the line you were talking about, like me."
"What?"
"'Baby girl'? Hand-holding - Jackson, I'm not an idiot." She lowered her tone of voice when Meredith walked past. He leaned in closer so he could hear and she looked up at him. "Just, tell me the truth."
"Maybe. I don't know, I just - we're friends." She pressed a hand against his chest and sighed. "Look, I know I have no chance. I know I don't; especially right now. But... think about it because I like you as a friend and I could like you as more and I don't know, okay?"
"Okay. Well, in the meantime, we can stick with friends and we'll see from here."
"Sure. And for the record, even if it doesn't turn out as anything, I'm not gonna hold it against you, alright?" He rubbed the side of his neck sheepishly. "I know Sloan meant a lot to you and I do hope you get back together with him, for both your sakes because he is over there looking at me like I murdered his whole family," he muttered and she chuckled despite herself. Tossing a glance at her ex-boyfriend, Emily saw him glaring daggers at the man she was speaking to.
"May be because I said I could've slept with you," she mumbled and he pulled away.
"You said what?"
"It was during an argument!" She smacked him on the arm. "Come on. You have rounds and I have rounds so we should go be doctors." Smiling, the Avery turned around, going towards the elevator. His head was bowed but there was a slight bounce to his step and she headed towards Callie. Mark was still leaning against the counter and he glanced up when she approached his best friend a few meters away.
"I'm ready for rounds," she said and Callie sent her a curious glance.
"What's going on between you and Avery?"
"Nothing." The brunette looked over her shoulder just as Jackson entered the elevator. "We just have a mutual understanding as friends." The two women looked over to the plastics surgeon who looked back down at his phone. "I can't believe he slept with Addison." They began to walk away from her ex and Callie chuckled.
"More than once." Freezing, she looked at her attending who took a few steps before realizing Emily wasn't beside her anymore. "Oh... no."
"More than once?" Emily echoed. "Of course it was," she growled and stormed past the Latina for the charts.
.
"How're things with Little Grey?" Emily asked. Taylor nudged her and she grinned. "Ooh..."
"Shut up." He muttered half-heartedly. "She's great. Lexie's... she's amazing," the blond huffed and she chuckled. "So, whaddya think about this coup? Shep's Chief, Webber's ousted."
"Hospital politics." She waved the idea way as she opened a chart up and entered a patient's room. The Lisfranc fracture was healing nicely and she checked the vitals and cast. Writing that she had checked up on the patient, she left the chart in the holder by the door before joining Taylor in the hall again.
"So, words on the street is Mark's out and Avery's in. Truth or not?" the blond questioned and Emily sent a sharp glare. "So not?" Relenting, she sighed. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and shook her lightly. "Talk to me."
"Dumped Mark, not with Jackson." She told him and he sighed. "I thought everything'd be okay after the whole therapist-Boston thing."
"Life is pretty funny in a way," he said. "Or not. But at the same time, you gave me my girlfriend."
"You're welcome," she said dryly. "What do you think? Was dumping Mark the right thing?"
"Well, I'm assuming it's because his daughter's having a baby. Beating the dead horse, isn't it?"
"More like macerating it," Emily groused.
"I get it, you left Boston behind you - you turned a page. There's nothing wrong with caring for yourself."
"I guess so." She looked down at her shoes and he pulled his arm away. Turning her to face him, he gripped her arms carefully.
"Hey. Chin up. You still have family who love you. We'll always be here, okay?" He tried to cheer her up and a hint of a smile came to her face as Lexie ran up from behind her. The woman wrapped Emily into a large hug.
"What's this?" she asked, surprised and Lexie peeked up at her. "You aren't a little kid, Lex."
"Yeah but you've been down. I heard you and Mark broke up. That sucks. I thought you guys were perfect." The brunette rambled and Taylor tucked Lexie into his side. "I mean - not that I don't think you are now - it's just, I mean - it's too bad is all I'm saying."
"Sh.. before you say something that'll offend her." Taylor scolded lightly and Lexie beamed up at him. Emily felt warm when she saw the two looking at each other, so pure and new. Gently nudging Lexie in the direction of her boyfriend, she fiddled with the pen in her pocket. Meredith and Derek were just about to leave as well as the married couple made their way to the elevator. "I'm taking her home. Derek and Meredith-"
"Right behind you."
"Yep, there's our ride." Lexie muttered. "Mer, wait up!"
"We will!" Was the response and the younger Grey sighed.
"Come on, Taylor. If we take too long you know Derek's going to complain about missing the game." Lexie's eyes sparked when Taylor raised his eyebrows. There was a challenging glint as if daring Taylor to say that no, the neurosurgeon wouldn't concern himself with something as trivial as football. But then again, neither Lexie or Emily were men.
"Yeah, true. And I'll complain that we missed the game." Taylor sighed. "We'll see you later, Em."
"Tell me who wins." And as the couple left, the blond man looked over his shoulder and yelled:
"Isn't it obvious? Seahawks!"
.
Mark walked into the elevator and spotted her, immediately freezing. She shifted the coat on her shoulders, not her YSL but one of Alex's old coats to protect against the harsher rain, and looked away. He tried to say something but just turned around only for the doors to close in his face. Turning, he walked to the back of the elevator, staring blatantly at his ex.
She looked up at how many floors left, watching the lights go indifferently. How badly he wanted to hold her, to touch her and see her smile, he couldn't even begin to say. But he had said things, she had said things, and he knew he'd never get that image of her, all cold fury, out of his head.
But he could read her like an open book. Endless piles of hurt flowed from her core as she looked to her shoes and back to the numbers above the door.
"Can't we at least be friends?" he finally whispered quietly and she shook her head. The doors opened and she stepped out, turning over her shoulder.
"No, I- I don't have it in me to be just friends with you. Maybe when I've moved on," she said and he swore his heart stopped. "Maybe when I've moved on and you - you have clearly moved on."
"Em, wait."
"Goodnight, Dr. Sloan." Continuing on her way out to the lobby, he exited after her as someone stood up in the waiting area. Avery greeted her with a smile as Karev approached the two. They talked and the smile on her face made his limbs ache. Knowing she was taken care of, he turned the other way despite every fibre of his being wanting to turn him around.