Some Secrets Are Meant To Be Kept[Lashton]

Chapter 20

AN: You might hate me after this...

*Ashton's POV*

I was frozen.

Why would Luke do something like that. So all of his feelings were a lie? He even told Calum and Michael that he had feelings for me. Why?

I looked at the journal and I couldn't stop myself. I had to keep reading.

Dear Journal,

I had just lied to them. I lied to them saying I had feelings for Ashton. 

I feel bad.

The look on his face when I told Ashton about my 'feelings' made me feel guilty because I don't really like him like that. He seemed so happy. You don't see him happy that much anymore. 

The way his eyes twinkled with happiness and his smile was so big. He looked happy for once. And this happiness was actually genuine.

I took him to he beach for a date. I still can't get it out of my head how happy he looked. I even kissed him. 

I would be lying if I said I didn't feel anything.

Maybe I have a little crush on him?

I can't. It seems to far fetched. I mean how cliche can it get. 

Falling in love with your best friend. Not only your best friend but your brother. 

I can't be gay. I love girls too much. I mean it's not impossible for me to be bisexual.

I just can't explain what I'm feeling. I'm so confused and frustrated with myself.

I feel like crying.

Write in you soon,

Luke

I looked to see if he had written anymore and he hadn't.

What was he thinking? 

He should know how much I'm hurting and how fragile I am. 

I'm like a vase. Once broken I'm hard to repair.

I sighed and closed the journal and tucking it under his pillow so he thinks nobody has seen it. I got up and closed his bedroom door and went to mine and locked it. I went to my bed and sat down and that's when I broke down in tears.

Sobs escaped me as I covered my face with my hands. Thoughts ran through my head at a rapid pace. The main thought that ran through my head is why?

Why would he do this?

Why am I not good enough?

Why?

Why?

Why?

I didn't notice that someone came home and was knocking on my bedroom door.

"Ashton. Are you in there?" It was Calum. Deciding to open the door I got up and unlocked it and went back to my bed.

"Ashton," he paused,"What's wrong?"

"It hurts."

"What does?"

"Everything.

"Why does everything hurt?" Would he just shut the fuck up already.

"Leave me alone."

"Not until you tell me what's wrong."

"I said leave me alone!" I finally shouted.

"Okay, but you better tell me what's wrong soon," He said finally exiting my room, shutting the door.

I was alone for a little bit longer until I realized one thing.

I am done with everything.

~

AN:

Predictions on what will happen next?

It's probably easy to figure out but oh well. This is also rushed so sorry if it's not that good.

I'm jealous of all the people that got to go to Derpcon.

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Stay Fab!!!!