N. E. N. [ H U N T E R X H U N T E R ]

Chapter 28 - 再会する

This had gone better than expected. She didn't ask anything about Kotono's amnesia; perhaps Gon didn't talk about it to her. Hopefully, when Gon would go see his aunt, she would talk about Hiroe and perhaps soothe his fears.
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As time went on, the adventure continued. I learned so many things about humans I never thought I'd be able to understand. The joy that comes with friendship had become the most significant feeling in my newfound life.

Yet said friendship was as frayed as a well-worn rope. It was only a matter of time before it would break, destroying who-knows-what as it collapsed. After all, could anyone actually call this a friendship? A building built on a ground of lies is bound to fall down back to the Earth one day.

It is the best way we could describe the friendship I shared with the two boys, Gon and Killua. Them having caught my eye from the beginning of my adventure out in this world, I tried my best to keep in touch with them.

I made some of my puppets, new ones, join them on their adventure on Greed Island, helping them grow physically and mentally. I made them join their devious fight against the Chimera ant. I made them cry their wounds, mourn their friend. I made them feel what I felt, yet both the boys and I knew the relationship we held would only last so long. After all, Gon and Killua noticed it, too.

The way I spoke about past adventures, the way I let slip my participation to their first Hunter Exam, the way my eyes softened when they mentioned past puppets I had used to befriend them. They made me make more and more mistakes as the years went by. I stayed by their sides, to the point where they began to ask not-so-subtle questions.

At first I tried to avoid them, to escape the wrath that would come by later. To delay the end of our friendship. It is only then that I noticed how... Human they had made me become. After all, this whole time, had I not let my emotions get the better of my rationality? Had I not actually cried by their sides, of joy, of sadness and of anger?

All good things have to come to an end eventually. If we can actually call this whole relationship good at all. Hadn't I stooped down to Hisoka's level with my unhealthy obsession? Sure, I wasn't turned on or whatever, but I... I hurt them, didn't I?

I left for a year after that. It was better that way. I returned to what I used to be; cold, distant, unhappy. Did my happiness even matter over anyone else's? While my rationality told me to just forget about everything and do something with my life, my heart prevented me from moving on, from living at all.

In this world, I felt both like an empty shell and like an overflowing vase. I felt like my body didn't belong. I walked aimlessly through lively cities, burnt villages, glowing caves and wondrous lands. I stepped through wars, never stopping to watch to try to do something.

I changed face everyday. It was always a slow transition, changing my nose, my eyes, my hair, my body, my gender. I was never the same a morning than I was the same night. I tried to stop once. I tried to keep a face, an identity. Yet the moment I looked at myself in the mirror, all I saw was a monster. Someone who didn't understand how to cope with feelings, someone who had hurt so many people in the past.

It was true, wasn't it? I was a monster. I was a monster. I am a monster. I am the most horrendous human alive, aren't I...

"Hiroe? Hiroe, is that you?" A voice so distant yet so close called out.

I didn't stop. I wan't Hiroe. I wasn't anyone worth noticing.

A hand fell on my shoulder. That was the first time it had happened for months. My feet came to a stop, yet I moved no further.

"Hiroe! It's been so long! Do you know all that has happened since the Hunter Exam?" The voice spoke excitedly. "I heard from Aunt Mito that you and Kotono went onto separate goals, I never expected that! But if that's the case, I assume that means your sister is doing better." It was a boy. A brown-haired boy spoke, a gleam in his eyes. I hadn't even noticed my eyes had lifted from the ground until I saw his face. "I'm so glad, I was so worried when she lost her memories and all that!"