Golden

Chapter 4: Home for the Holidays

—3 months later—
I watch as the snow chaotically falls from the sky as I sway in my office chair. It's been three months and Jimmy has not talked to me like he once did. Ever since that "Night baby" I haven't heard from him unless it is work related. Is he mad at me? Is he with someone else?
I've been quiet too long. I get up and head over to his office. I don't knock just let myself in to find Jen on his lap.
"Ana." He says in shock. My stomach twists and my heart sinks.
"Hi, James I just-- I'm sorry for not knocking I just wanted to--" I try to breathe out but I can't find the words. It's easier for me to just leave the room.
"I'm going home for the day Lily, email me any important information." I say rushing out of the office. I press the elevator button to take me to the lobby. I step out of it and I gasp when I see him in front of me, he's panting very hard I just walk past him.
"It's not what you think. Please trust me when I say it was not what it looked like." He says following me out towards my car. I try to run but my heel slips on the ice. Luckily he catches me.
"Gotta get you some snow boots." He says with a playful smile. I look up at him and give him a breathless laugh.
"Please don't run." He pleas. "Let's go get a cup of coffee." He asks "I can explain."
I look at him and shake my head. "No, I want to go home." I say getting out of his embrace. "You have nothing to explain."
"Ana please, you know that's not true." He begs as I continue walking to my car. I opened my door and he grabs it before falling to his knees. "Please, give me 20 minutes." He begs and people around us watch the shitshow happening. I look down at him and finally nod. "Can I drive?" He asks "Jen drove me to work today." He sighs. I walk around to the passenger side and he gets into the driver side. I turn up the heater and rub my hands together. He drives and it's silent except for some music I have playing in the background.
"How have you been?" He asks turning to look at me.
"Good, been trying to keep myself busy." I quietly respond. "What about you?"
"I've been better." He sighs.
He drives us to a small homey coffee shop and guides me inside through the snow. We take a seat at a table and I notice we're the only two inside. The waitress comes to take our drink order. I ask for a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and he asks for an americano. I look around admiring the rustic feel of the place and his eyes don't move from me. I meet his gaze and he opens his mouth, only to shut it seconds later.
"I'm sorry." He finally says as the waitress brings us our drinks, along with a variety of holiday themed cookies.
"For?" I ask when she leaves. "I already told you that you have nothing to apologize for."
"But I do, I know we were building something, you were trying to trust me."
"I wasn't trying, I did trust you." I say and he looks surprised almost like he didn't want me to say that.
"Did?" He asked, his voice low and sad.
"I don't know." I reply.
"Remember that last night I was at your apartment?" He asks. I nod and take a sip of my chocolate.
"After I left I got low and desperate and Jen texted me and one thing led to another and we didn't sleep together I want to make that clear but some things did happen." He painfully say. I bite the inside of my cheek and continue to look at him. "It only happened once and we agreed never to talk about it because she's my boss then today out of nowhere she started talking about that night and she just sat on my lap."
"Why do I care about any of this? We were never exclusive? We would just hang out everyday for three weeks and have sleepovers and cuddle and sometimes kiss and I met your family." I say. I can feel my eyes sting.
"Ana." He says holding my hand. "We were more to each other. You know that."
"Then why did you sleep with her? Was it because I didn't want to have sex with you? Were you that desperate to get laid?" I ask as a single tear falls from my right eye. He reaches up to swipe it away and I pull away from his touch. "Please don't touch me." I whisper and he draws his hands back.
"Why didn't you want me the way I wanted you?" He asks.
"Sex is not the endgame for me James. Yes it's great but it's not everything in a relationship to answer your question, but I think the better question is why didn't YOU want me the way I wanted you?" I ask sitting tall.
"I didn't know you wanted me at all, you never shared anything too personal about yourself it made me think for a minute— just a minute that maybe you just wanted to sleep with me, but I know that's not the case."
"You're so open." I say quietly. "And it scares the absolute shit out of me." I confess and he looks taken back. "I mean, one of the first things you ever asked me was to ask you something personal."
"Why aren't you open?" He asks.
"Because hearts get broken." I reply.
"I'm done seeing Jen, I wasn't even seeing her and she's transferring so she's out of my hair."
"Good for you." I say grabbing a Santa shaped cookie.
"My moms been asking about you." He says and I can't help but smile.
"How is she?" I ask.
"She's good, and my parents are inviting you to Arlington Heights for the holidays, if you didn't have plans." He says clearing his throat afterwards. I gulp and figure it'll be better than spending the holidays alone...fuck it.
"I thought it was Rowling Meadows." I question as I remember what Denise had mentioned.
"Same difference." He smirks.
"That's so lovely." I smile "I'd love to come." I smile.
"Okay." He smiles and it seems like he doesn't know what to do with himself, "we leave in two days, pack warmly it's a snow shitshow there." He laughs.
"Ok." I smile and finish my coco.
——
We arrive at the Chicago airport and the air is brisk how do people live here?!? Jimmy grabs my bag and his brother Billy is here to pick us up.
"Ana you look great!" He says pulling me in for a hug.
"Hi, thank you." I say hugging him back. He leads us to the car as he talks to Jimmy. The whole car ride we all talk about small things.
When we arrive at their house I stare at it in awe, it's beautiful big red brick house. Jimmy leads me inside where I greet his parents and brothers along with some cousins and aunts and uncles, full house.
"Jim asked for separate rooms but I don't mind putting you two together." Denise says as she shows me to the room. "Hope you don't mind."
"No, of course not." I say smiling politely.
"Young love." She says with the biggest smile it warms my heart. I unpack since I'll be here for the week. Jimmy walks into the room and he looks like he's trying to say something.
"You alright?" I ask raising an eyebrow.
"Do you want me to sleep in another room?" He asks.
"Why?" I ask.
"My mom and actually everyone you just met thinks we're together, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable." He clarifies.
"They'll wonder why you're in another room." I point out.
"I can deal with them, do you want me to sleep somewhere else?" He asks.
"No." I reply and I see him try not to smile.
"Are we together?" He shyly asks. I bite my lip not knowing what to say.
"I don't know, I haven't been asked anything." I reply and I hear him laugh quietly.
"Ana would you like to be my girlfriend?" He asks as he holds my hand.
"Not fair." I pout.
"How?" He smiles.
"You can't ask me to be your girlfriend when I'm in your childhood bedroom!" I say.
"I think I just did." He smirks.
"I'd love to be your girlfriend." I finally say. He leans in to kiss me and it's heavenly.
We unpack and he tells me his favorite childhood stories. I take out all the gifts I brought and he helps me bring them downstairs to the Christmas tree.
We have dinner and share some stories, Denise even busts out the baby pictures of Jimmy. Everyone helps clean up so we're done quickly and Jimmy and I decide to call it a night.
I have a shower while he has one in a bathroom down the hall. I change into my velvet shorts and cami shirt. I towel dry my hair to the best of my ability before stepping out to the room. He walks in seconds later with a towel around his waist. He clears his throat before grabbing some shorts, a shirt and goes into the bathroom, I just walked out of.
I lay down after applying lotion to my body and he comes out.
"So none of your brothers have kids?" I ask.
"No, and please don't remind my mother it breaks her heart. She wants to be a nana so bad." He laughs.
"Aww poor thing, why hasn't your older brother had any?" I ask remembering he was married
"I don't know." He says getting into bed. "I guess they want to enjoy their time without kids a little longer."
"Do you ever want to have kids?" I ask.
"I do." He replies. "Do you?"
"Yes, a lot." I smile.
"Do you have nieces or nephews? Actually do you have any siblings?" He asks.
"I grew up in a foster home." I finally tell him. "So I have a few."
"Oh— I'm sorry I didn't know." He says feeling bad I'm sure.
"How could you know?" I ask with a small smile. "But I'm sure that answers a lot as to why I am the way I am." I laugh.
"It does." He says before joining me in laughter.
"How was it?" He asks. "Actually no i'm sorry I shouldn't ask that." He hastily corrects.
"It's fine, it was rough some houses were better than others but it all shaped me into who I am now so I wouldn't trade it for the world and I know the question is bound to pop in your head, no my parents didn't abandon me, they died when I was 10 and didn't have any family so I went into the system." I explain. He turns to face me I can see just the silhouette of his face.
"So yes I'd like to have a big family. That's actually why I wanted to come here." I say.
"Really?" He asks and I can hear the smile on his face.
"Yeah you guys are awesome and your family welcomed me so warmly and so quickly it's amazing." I say.
"It's our pleasure." He says.
"It's really cold in here." I say after a few seconds of silence.
"Yeah, I have the coldest room, sorry about that."
"It's okay." I say as I shiver.
"We could cuddle for warmth." He suggests making me laugh.
"Well wouldn't you love that?" I ask before I turn around and scoot my body towards his and he's quick to wrap his arm around me.
"Oh you're warm." I say in surprise. He nestles his head above mine and I close my eyes. I feel him wrap his legs with mine and my heart flutters, shit I still got it bad. I put my arm over his and fall asleep thinking about our last kiss.
I wake up with his head on my chest and I can't move. I look down at his peaceful face and smile. I look over at the clock seeing it was 5am, stupid internal clock.
I put my hands on his back and rub it gently. I thought about going to sleep but then I remember how he asked why I didn't share about myself so I got an idea.
"I'm not an open person not just because hearts get broken. I grew up seeking love and stability so desperately I found myself in scary situations where I knew I shouldn't have been, but I had nowhere else to go so I stayed. I figured if I let them do what they wanted I'd finally have some stability." I confess the only way I know how. "The truth is Jimmy you scare me because you're exactly what everyone told me I would never get. Some part of me feels like I'll never be who you deserve to be with." I whisper before closing my eyes again. I keep them shut trying to sleep but it just won't happen. Then I feel his shift to the side, he puts his arm over my body hugging me tightly.
"I'll show you what you deserve." He whispers Planting a kiss on my forehead and I pretend I'm still asleep.
Jimmy moves and wakes me. I grab my phone seeing it was 8am.
"Merry Christmas Eve." He says kissing my forehead.
"Merry Christmas Eve ." I reply happily.
"It's present buying time." He says playfully pulling out of bed.
——
Hey guys thanks for giving my story a chance :)