Taken by the First Order -A Kylo Ren fanfiction-

Chapter Forty Eight: Adapting

Really long chapter ahead so buckle up and enjoy the read!! 

Aerolynns pov

I continued to pound my fitsts into the punching bag until all I could hear was the sound of my skin hitting the leather, until all I could feel was the stinging of my knuckles as I let out short breaths through my nose.

One hit after the next that was all that mattered, hitting the thing of leather and sand was the only thing I could focus on, not the fact that Palpatine was my grandfather, or that the Final Order was close to attacking, or the fact that Ben was breathing down my neck trying to get me as in shape as possible.

My mind clouded with emotion and my vision turned foggy. Letting out a scream of frustration my fist collided with the punching bag, and not realizing I had put electricity behind my punch, and in a mess of smoke and sand the thing ripped off of it's hinges and collided into the wall.

"Shit." I breathed. I sunk down to my knees, pressing the still blue-tinged skin of my knuckles into my forehead, ignoring the way my bruised hands ached in response.

That was the third time I had lost control today, the third time I had let myself get distracted, let myself stray away from the matter at hand. I wished that for some reason I was just having a bad day, that my luck was off and I was just getting distracted easily, but I knew it wasn't that simple.

What was actually happening was that I was letting him into my mind. Palpatine, even though I had never even met the man he had already infiltrated my thoughts. He'd always be on my current thought stream, always in the back of my mind, an itch I couldn't scratch in a way. I'd think about him while I cradled Aurelia, thinking of how he'd so easily be able to take her away from me, or when I was in bed on the edge of sleep, even when I was snuggled in Ben's arms, the person who made me feel the most safe.

I couldn't get away from him.

My constant paranoia was bleeding into my life. I'd wake up with my nails bitten to the beds and in a cold sweat from the nightmare I had just experienced. I'd have random panic attacks while just walking down the hall, or when I was eating in the cafeteria. I hadn't slept well in three months, ever since Leia had told us the haunting new that the fallen Emperor was my grandfather. Other people had noticed my change, and after a few weeks of prying Rey, Finn, Poe, Rose, and even Hux and Eli eventually just gave up, knowing they wouldn't be able to reach me, regardless of how hard they tried.

The only person who still tried to talk to me was Ben, he could feel my discomfort more than anyone because of our bond, but also because he just knew me the best. When I had had one of my many panic attacks, this time being while I was showering, he had felt my panic and rushed over to me, not caring that I was naked and dripping water he pulled me into his arms, not even bothering to turn off the showerhead, getting himself thoroughly soaked as well. And he just held me, stroking my hair and whispering that he was with me now, and that I was safe.

But the thing was... I'd never be safe. None of the people I cared about would ever be truly safe if I didn't eliminate the evil that seemed to be overtaking my entire life.

"You alright?" Someone asked, I stifled a groan upon hearing the question, it was the only thing people ever seemed to say to me now. Sure my mental stability wasn't at it's best at the moment but I didn't need to be constantly reminded. There was a reason I had thrown myself into such intense training to get myself back into shape after pregnancy, and how every moment I wasn't training or researching about the sith or lightning or Palpatine I'd be spending my time with my daughter. It was to distract myself, too much focus on my impending doom would cause me to go insane.