Time Bomb ♡Koli♡

20. relaxation and some tears

I'm going to go back and add videos to each slide soon (not now but look out for them)

When I get home I feel hug my parents and talk to them for a little while. From my health and Oli and they listen to everything I have to say. After a while I excuse myself and go to my room.

When I get to my room I mix more formula and feed Holly. "Your going to grow up and I'll let you go at the park.. it's going to be sad but I'll visit you every day and feed you. Maybe in a few days I'll let you crawl in the grass. You're going to be okay. I see progress in you, like look at how you are opening your eyes and crawling! Its amazing," I talk to Holly as I feed her.

"I'm sorry if you don't understand me. I'm just some monster to you.. but I hope you understand that I'm helping you. I want to see you happy and in the wild. Hopefully you won't hate me after I let you go.." I say and hold her as she sniffles around and grabs my fingers trying to figure out what I am.

"I have to put you back because it says I shouldn't hold you too long. That and I have to take a bath," I say putting it in its nest. I then go to my bathroom and start my bath.

I bring a pink pig onesie in the bathroom and a towel. When the bath is fill I add bath bombs. I strip from my clothes and look at myself in the mirror.

All be okay?

I breath out and look at my fragile body. My ribs, hips, collarbones, even my wrists and ankles seem to be delicate. Like if I fell I would break.

I will survive this. I'm stong. I'm no longer in the hospital 24/7. Yes I do cough up blood and that's new, but I'm okay. I promise, I'm okay.

I get into my bath and swirl the pink and blue foam and water around. The water is glittery and smells really good. I relax into the bath and keep positive things in my head. Like Oli, Holly, my parents, and friends.

-

As I lay in my bed with my shorts down to my thighs and a blanket covering myself Oli tattoos me. Now that I know him more it's more relaxing. I'm not so nervous.

"Tell me about you.. I don't really know a lot," I say and he smiles.

"Like deep shit?" He asks.

"Yeah, if you do I'll tell you why I'm scared of Windowless rooms," I say and he thinks about it.

"Okay but please don't think of me differently," he says and signs. I nod and he tattoos closer to my side than my hip now. It really looks good so far.

"Well, I'm on antidepressants and ADHD medications.. I don't have to much explanation for depression. Just stupid bullies. I've tried to kill myself a few times but I'm mostly better. I've always tried to fake everything like I'm okay but now I just accept that I'm depressed," he explains and I feel my heart hurt.

"People go through shit, my heads just not wired for this world. But cheesy as it sounds you've been helping me a lot. I'm excited to wake up because I know I have a cute little boyfriend. I'm not trying to romanticize depression but that's just how it is for me. You mean a lot to me and I love learing things about you. I worry a lot about you but I'm trying to trust that you know what's happening to you and your doing your best to get better," he says and I smile.

"I love you- you- you- um," I start getting scared because I didn't mean to say that. It's only been around a week since we started dating.

"I love you too sweetie," he says and I blush. He looks like he means it. I smile nervously and he continues to work on my tattoo.

"I'm scared of Windowless rooms.. because.. wow you told me all that bit I'm scared of telling you this," I say rubbing my face.

"I wont judge you," he says and I shake my head.

"Its not that I think you're going to judge me.. it's just a touchy subject. I'm a really happy person so when I think about depressing subjects I feel like I might accidentally bring that darkness into my life again," I say and he turns off the tattoo gun and kisses my forehead.

"You don't have to talk about it, I understand how you must feel," he tells me holding my hand.

"I had a adopted sister.. she was adopted a year before I was born so she was a sister in my mine," I stop and breath out and fight tears.

"When she was 18 and I was 12 she got locked in the bathroom. The bathroom- it didn't have windows. Ther- there were no windows. Fuck," I say starting to cry. Oli hugs me and I grip onto him. After five minutes of hugging I finally can talk again.

"The stove got let on by her.. Our house caught on fire and I woke up to her-" I pause wiping tear away and looking into Oliver's worried and sad eyes.

"I woke up to her screaming that she was locked in the bathroom and she- she got burned alive.. I was saved through a window but she had no window.." I say and he kisses my cheek and then my jaw. He starts playfully kissing my face and I start to smile and giggle as he keeps attacking he with sweet innocent kisses.

Then he connects our lips and wipes my tears away as we kiss. When when need air he pulls away and looks at my smiling face. He says nothing and then grabs the tattooing gun and starts working again.

"You're really beautiful and I love how you let nothing get you down too much. Its natural to cry and you do but you dont just shut down. I like that," he says and I giggle and smile as I watch him tattoo my pale skin.

I really do love Oliver Sykes

Thoughts on Oli?

Kellin?

Ronnie?

Holly?

Matt?