+Bad Catholics+ Frank Iero

+6+

I spent the remainder of my weekend in my room, un-bothered by Frank. I wasn't sure if I was surprised that I didn't wake up to more rocks clicking against my windows, or if I had expected it after the way I left the cemetery. Either way, the solitude was embraced regardless of the discomfort I couldn't seem to shake off- not even because of the promise I made that I knew I couldn't keep, but the paranoia I was feeling to the tenth degree.

    There were so many reasons I adamantly rejected change, good or bad. A lot of it was merely to keep the secret of who my father was safe- though not for something as trivial as what my peers at school would think of me. I tended to be insecure, sure, but after enduing experiences in a different caliper, the idea of having someone bully me into submission felt like child's play.

    Some of it was because the feeling of invisibility was almost satisfying. I could walk the halls as a ghost, unbothering. My name was known but hardly anyone could see me- everyone at school just knew that someone, somewhere, was named Mae, and all she cared about was work. In my head, I carried it as a trophy at times. I didn't just manage to stay under the radar, I managed to keep off of the grid entirely. You can't have an opinion about somebody if they don't even exist.

    Really at the core of it all, tethered underneath hundreds of tiny little reasons, was one big reason- Fear.

    I was afraid of past decisions made by someone other than myself coming back to haunt me, in very real ways. I was afraid of the memories haunting me present day. There have been times when even the smallest of upsets in my day made me feel like things were spiraling out of control- a test date being moved, or a brief thought about my father. Most days I couldn't even bare to look at Beth. She was the only person in my tiny world that remained from the past life that I had. She was the only other person that's heard his voice.

    I thought that if maybe I could just live the same exact day, over and over again, the risks would disappear. Nothing would change, and none of my father's enemies could ever find me. My secret would remain just that- a secret. Perhaps not only to everyone around me, but to myself someday. Maybe someday I could forget.

    It worked for a while, or so I thought. There have always been glitches in the matrix I created, but even when I saw flashes of his blood on the walls in my head, all they could see was a school uniform and hands moving a pencil. I told myself I could live with that.

    What I couldn't live with, was someone knowing my real name. That wasn't just a small glitch- that was a complete and utter system meltdown.

.

"-And so the noble families were rivals, making Romeo's desire for her even more of a farce-"

    Sister Catherine's lecture bounced off of the stone walls of our English classroom, her skinny finger occasionally pointing at a student to answer a question. It had all of the makings for a typical day- but my focus didn't mimic for one.

    My feet shuffled underneath me quietly as I attempted to sit still and concentrate on her words, but they only came in and out like a poor radio frequency. Thoughts of the weekend were too overpowering, specifically what Frank may or may not have not told someone else. I couldn't help but worry that something could have slipped- maybe where I lived, or what my real first name was. Anything that could damage my narrative.

    I discretely surveyed the room around me for any trace of suspicion, mostly toward the company of his friends, however all I seemed to find were the typical faces of boredom. My eyes landed on Gerard a few rows behind me, his face buried in a sketchbook, just like normal.

    I turned my head back around, quickly glazing over Frank's empty desk next to me, and tried to refocus on the lecture again.

    Everything is normal, Mae. Just pull yourself together, I thought.

    "Mae?"

    I looked at Sister Catherine, her shaky finger pointed at me.

    "Benvolio, his cousin," I answered as if nothing was wrong, thankful her question bled through the rest of my vapid thoughts.

    "Very good, now, in Act-"

    Her voice trailed off again as I silently huffed, subconsciously scolding myself for not paying attention.

    Before I had any chance of relaxing, the classroom door swiftly opened and closed at the back of the room.

    "Mr. Iero, very kind of you to join us today. You're late. Again. Take your seat," Sister Catherine barked, immediately turning back around to face the chalkboard.

    "Always my pleasure," He retorted, a smile in his voice as the desk next to me shifted.

    I refused to take my eyes off of my notebook and acknowledge his presence- not even out of spite, but out of pure anxiety. I never knew what he was going to say or do, and I feared he knew too much.

    To my surprise, a few minutes passed and he didn't acknowledge my presence, either- or so I had thought. A folded slip of paper slid into my vision onto the left side of my open book, catching me off guard. I finally looked up, Sister Catherine still scribbling on the chalkboard, unaware. Gathering up the courage, I turned my head to Frank, who had his head leaning on his left hand, pretending to read whatever book he had in front of him. Or at least I assumed he was pretending.

    I hesitantly looked down at the slip of paper, back to Frank, and back down to the paper again.

    Should I just ignore it? I thought. But what if it's something bad? Is he really going to blackmail me?

    My hands grew shaky as I decided to open it, fearful that if I didn't, maybe something bad would happen. Perhaps I was being too extreme- it was only a piece of paper. But at the same time, life had been too strange in the past week for it to be anything good.

    I attempted to hide my wince as the note bloomed open, my eyes trailing to the very top to read a small, haphazardly written word.

Hi

    My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, though I nearly cracked a smile at how silly it seemed. I worked myself up over a simple "Hi".

    I peered up at our teacher once more, wondering if I should respond or just leave it be. Up until that point, I had never passed a note in my entire life. It never seemed worth getting reprimanded for, not that I ever had someone to pass a note to in the first place.

    I sighed and picked up my pencil, carefully writing a "hi" below. I worried that if I didn't, Frank might just try to draw attention to me and get us in trouble like he did the last time. While Sister Catherine wasn't paying attention, I quietly placed the note back on Frank's desk, remnants of his growing smile in my peripheral vision. In minutes, the note returned to my desk again.

I just wanted to see if you were ok, you seemed kind of upset when you left on Saturday. Was my story that boring?

    Pursing my lips, I didn't know how to answer, so I kept it simple.

I'm fine, thanks.

    I didn't look at Frank as I passed the note back, nor did I as he returned it to me once more.

Before you walk home after school, meet me in the parking lot. I have something to show you. Don't worry, i'm not taking you back to the "spooky" cemetery again. Talk to you later,-

    His scribbled sentence didn't end with a word, but a drawing of a flower- But not just any flower.

    A daisy.