There was a time when everybody knew me as 'the boy with the golden heart'. I was once a loving, and kind man that let everybody into their heart and gave many chances if they messed up. I wish I had known that not everybody that comes into our lives has a good intention. The change was drastic, as I am now known as someone heartless and cold.
As I just said, there was a good time in life when people all loved me. I would be the person to mask my pain to help others, but when I took off the mask there was nobody there for me. My heart was open for anybody that wanted to walk in, I thought it was the right thing to do, always serve love to those who might need it the most. I was young and innocent when the guy ran into me in the hallway, an exchange student coming from Japan. Hoseok, he was a beauty, wanted all over the school.
He radiated everything I had ever wanted, I didn't know his heart held venom he was waiting to release on a naive person. My feelings for him started to grow, along with his popularity, it was another one of the reasons I never tried approaching him. Always watching his smile from afar was enough for me. On a drunken night which was never supposed to happen, I spilled my guts to my sober best friend. She told everyone, including him. I wanted to go under my blankets and disappear, be hugged by the warmth and never have to let go, but the unexpected came and he asked me to go on a dare. I fell for his smile, his stance, his voice. One became the other and we soon became a couple. Before the red flags came.
"Tae, don't tell anybody about us. Let me make you my special secret."
I was so infatuated with the love I had for him that I just agreed. I held it in my heart for so long, beginning to get scared he was ashamed to date me. That kept happening until I burst it all out to my best friend, Yugyeom, who had become very close to me after my other best friend ditched me. My heart breathed out everything that it was holding in, finally getting calm. I made him swear he wouldn't speak, and he didn't. But someone else had heard and recorded our conversation. Rumours circled the school as if it was just air floating around. A part of me was excited that Hoseok would finally confirm our love for each other to the school. But what I heard was different.
"He's just a fuckbuddy."
"Taehyung? He means nothing to me."
"He must be making this up for attention, you never know."
I learned my lesson. Hide yourself behind tall walls, cement them twice to make sure they can withstand anything. If people want to talk, let them. You know your worth, don't let any man define how amazing you are. I'm enough for me. So, I did exactly that. My heart, that once only had a small crack came crashing down. I tired putting it back together, hiding it completely.
I pretended that my life wasn't falling apart. I built a mask and put it on, one with s stone cold expression, hiding the tears scrolling down my cheeks. I had to be strong, show them that they did nothing. I don't feel, I can't feel, I don't want to feel. I closed up, only a few people remained. The face that once held a smile, with bright eyes that illuminated everyone's days now held a the most beautiful and yet terrifying face of someone who was broken, with eyes blocking out any emotions. Rumours grew, but that was fine, I showed them who the fuck they tried to mess with. It only took for me to hear one word from the man with the chocolate-coloured eyes for the barrier I had worked on for so long to come tumbling down.
