Trendsetter (book 2) - H.S

Chapter 14: If We Never Met.

A/N: this is def the face I was imagining for later on in the chapter lol. Also this song is literally El, and Harry to a T!!! Don't take my word for it, listen to it!!!

EL'S POV:

    I took him to the hollywood sign, I even got a cheesy picture of him in front of it, and it was a new aged version of our daddy daughter dates that we used to have. The only thing that's missing is Haley, and my father's health. He's sick, but the thing I kept telling myself was that he was really fine, that it was all some joke. It's the only way I'll be able to get rid of the hurt I'm feeling. I took him walking around Hollywood, we watched a movie in the famous chinese theatre, I even got stopped by a few fans, something my dad wasn't expecting to experience today. We spent most of the day exploring, and doing things he said he'd never have done if he wasn't with me, but he enjoyed every second of it, and I would have to if it wasn't for the heavy feeling inside. Driving home we were silent, and I kept pretending that I was fine when he asked, I didn't want him to feel bad, or to change his mood because of the way I was really feeling. Now we're walking back to my apartment, the evening coming quickly upon us.
    "Eileen, how was your day out?" My mom asks as I walk back into my apartment, and I give a closed smile.
    "It was great, but I don't think I've had a day this busy in a long time so I think it's best I go upstairs, and take a bit of a rest before I come back down for dinner." I lie to her, but I speak quickly, already making my way to the stairs.
    "El, do you want to talk to me about it?" She asks, and I don't turn back around as I walk.
    "There's nothing to talk about, I'm fine mama, I'm just tired that's all." I lie once more, and I know she knows it's more than that, but I don't want to talk to her about it. I don't know what to do in this moment. My sister was unexpected, I couldn't prepare myself for her death but this, this is a huge warning sign, it's telling me that it's coming, and I don't know where I'm supposed to go from here. I get into my room, and kick my shoes from my feet, and move to my drawers, pulling Harry's hoodie out, and putting it on my body. The feeling or curling into myself as I lay on the bed is the only right thing to do in this moment. I wasn't lying when I told my mom that I was tired, but it's not physical, it's mental exhaustion. It's like one thing goes right, and the rest end up going wrong all at once, but there's only one person I know to call in this situation.
    "Can you come over?" I ask softly into my phone.
    "Is everything okay? What's going on?" He asks quickly.
    "Just get here..." I mumble, and the call ends, leaving me to be alone with myself for a few minutes. I just look forward, I look to the dresser in front of me as I lay on my side, all I can do is blink, and my mind just keeps asking itself what I'm going to do, and the answer is inconclusive. I have no idea what to do. I hear buzz sound, and I open the lock downstairs from an app on my phone, letting him in as I lay here, knowing he'll come straight up the stairs. I hear the door open in my living room, and silence at first.
    "Who are you?" My dad asks, and I knew he'd do that.
    "Anthony, and I'm guessing you're El's parents... It's nice to meet the two of you, I'm El's best friend, and business colleague.. I'm guessing she's upstairs?" He asks, and I hear silence, knowing that they're probably just nodding. I hear light footsteps and then they stop. "And don't worry, I don't play for her team." He informs them, and I cringe, knowing both my parents are probably doing the same thing. My door opens, and Anthony looks to me. "It's been too long. El, what's going on? Is it Harry, are you two okay?" He asks me, and I nod my head.
    "It's not him, I just... I needed to be with someone, and it couldn't be him, not yet." I tell him, and he comes and sits next to me.
    "Come here." He doesn't even ask me what's wrong, that's the difference between Anthony and most other people. He doesn't care what's going on, he cares if I'm alright. He sits on my bed, and opens his arms to me, and this brings me back to tour, back to when I was struggling with my feelings, but it's different because I have no problem with what I'm feeling right now. It's real, and it's here, and I can't change it.I place my head in the nook of his arm, and his chest, and wrap my arms around his torso, holding on as if my life depended on it. One of his hands runs through my hair, and stays there, holding my head to him. "I don't know what's going on, but you're going to be okay El, you've been through it all, you're strong." He tells me, and I feel the hot tears on my cheeks as I think of what this next year will bring me... Heartbreak.
    "It's different this time, this isn't a relationship, or a bad day, this is life and death Anthony, this is real." I mumble to him, and he holds a bit tighter. He doesn't ask, but I know he wants to know, I know he's wondering what's got me like this. "My dad has cancer." I tell him, knowing there's nothing that I can do to dance around it.
    "Do you know what kind?" He asks softly, not leaving the position he's in.
    "Pancreatic." I reply through tears, trying to keep them to a minimum, knowing if I don't that I won't stop crying at all.
    "Does Harry know?" He asks, and I shake my head into his chest.
    "I can't tell him. Not at christmas, not with his album because he'll do what he always does. He pushes his life aside to help with mine, and I can't have him do that. He can't know." I tell him, and he pulls back.
    "El, you can't not tell him. You two are together meaning you are one, you're a couple, you tell each other things so that the other can help you. You don't have to do everything alone, that's what he's there for." He tells me, and I shake my head.
    "That's what you're here for." I tell him, and he tilts his head down at me as he looks with a disapproving glare.
    "No... El, there's something you're not telling me, what's keeping you from telling him?" He asks, and I sigh, wiping under my eyes.
    "The fact that he's going to get tired of my mood. Ever since I met him I've always been a puddle of emotion and tears, and stupid shit..." I tell him ,and he gives another look.
    "You have not been a puddle of tears and emotions since meeting him, don't lie to yourself." He corrects me, and I sigh.
    "Okay not since meeting him, but since we got to the U.S on tour. Since the start of the tour it's been one thing after the other going wrong between us, whether it was caused by me or not, and I don't want this to get in the way of us. I can't have him packing his shit up, and leaving me during this, it's best if he's there without having to actually be there. Both of us don't need to deal with it, I can deal with it on my own." I tell him, and he sighs.
    "I think that's dumb if you want me to be honest, but you're not going to listen to what I have to say about it. Just promise me you'll tell him at some point El, he needs to know..." He says the same thing my dad said and I sigh, nodding to him. "He should be here with you right now, even if you're not going to tell him, it should be him, not me." He tells me, and though I like having Anthony here, someone who tells it to me straight, I know he's right, and I know that Harry should be here right now. He'd be the perfect distraction.
    "What are you doing for christmas?" I ask him, and he shrugs.
    "Watching A christmas story for twenty four hours straight, and ordering chinese food." He tells me, and I can't tell if he's being serious until I see his face.
    "Anthony no... come over here? Spend christmas with us." I tell him, and he shrugs.
    "It's not a big deal, seriously, I don't mind it at all." He tells me, and I shake my head.
    "No, you're going to celebrate christmas with us. Harry will be here, his mom and sister too, it's not a big deal, and it's my house so no one can tell me no. We'll start dinner at six okay? Please, for me..." I give him my begging eyes, and he rolls his.
    "Fine... If I don't get good food, and have a good time I blame you." He mumbles, and stands up.
    "Where are you going?" I ask, and he furrows his brows.
    "Home because you're going to call your boyfriend, and have him come over here and be here for you even if you're going to do the El, and not tell him what's really wrong with you." He tells me, and I roll my eyes at him.
    "I have reason not to tell him first of all, and second... thank you..." I tell him, and he smiles. "I already forgot why I was sad." I lie, and he points to his cheeks as he smiles.
    "Smile through it babe. Everything will be fine, and I'll be here if it's not, but so will he, remember that... He'll never blame you for hurting, especially not over this okay?" He asks, and I nod, smiling. He turns out the door, and I call Harry as he does.
    "Hey." I smile through it, just like Anthony told me to, and hope he won't suspect a thing.
    "Hey love, what's going on? Are we still planning for dinner tonight?" He asks, and I'm thankful for him in this moment, knowing he's so open to being around my family like this.
    "You can come now if you're not busy. I think we're just going to order in considering christmas is in two days. I don't think my mom wants to cook, and I don't either." I tell him truthfully.
    "I can pick something up on the way? Take out?" He asks, and there's another rush in my chest.
    "I'll text you an order in a few... Thank you." I mumble, knowing he doesn't realize how much it really means to me, and probably my parents too. I appreciate everything he does, but if we never met things would be so different. I'm not sure if they'd be better or worse, but deep down I know I'd be living the exact same life I had been before if he never crashed into it. But I'd also be the person that could have shut what I'm feeling out and continued on instead of letting it consume me like it is right now.