Trendsetter (book 2) - H.S

Chapter 18: Soda.

EL'S POV:

    Anthony left for my apartment at the same time we all did, and we rode separate. I drove my car, and Harry his, taking his mom , and sister here with me, loading their presents in the back of their car. I'm here now, and I see Anthony getting out of his car, fixing his cute little sweater.
    "There's my best friend... How are you?" I ask, walking up to him, and he smiles, pulling me into a side hug.
    "The better question is how are you? I feel like I haven't seen you in about eight years... How are things between you and Harry? Did you tell him yet?" He asks, letting go of the hug, and following me to the door.
    "I haven't... I'm waiting, mostly because I don't want to burden anyone right now during the holidays, I'm going to tell him though Anthony I promise." I tell him truthfully. I have every intention of telling him about my dad, but right now is not that time.
    "You're acting weird..." He mumbles, and I close the showroom door behind me.
    "I'm acting normal... What are you talking about?" I ask, and he stops me at the stairway, turning my body to him.
    "I know you, and you're being way to quiet, and not in a bitchy way, in a moody way... There's something wrong here." He tells me, and I hate having people like him and Harry who know me better than I wish.
    "I'm just dealing with some stuff, with him, but he doesn't know I'm dealing with it so keep your mouth shut." I point at him, and he tilts his head, looking down on me.
    "Talk to me..." He pleads and I sigh.
    "I just don't want to love him too much, if I do then there's more to lose, and I'm scared we're going to crash and burn, and I'm scared he's going to leave, there's a lot of fear inside me, and there's nothing I can do but live with it, so if you would..." I start to move past him, and he stops me again.
    "El, stop worrying so much... It's not what you think it is most of the time, and to everyone around it's obvious that he loves you, and that he's not going anywhere, why can't you see that?" He asks, and I shake my head.
    "When is enough going to be enough for him though? Anthony it's one problem after the other with me, something coming up after something else gets solved, and soon enough he'll be sick of it, and I can see it, I'm surprised you can't." I tell him truthfully, and he sighs.
    "Well he's here, so what needs to happen is you need to get out of your head, and live out here in the real world because it's great out here... He knows when something is up, and chances are, he already feels your shift so if you don't want him asking question bring the El from tour back." He tells me, and I take a deep breath, seeing Harry help his mom with the presents in her hands. The truth is that right now I don't want to be myself because the person I am is a ball of stress, and it's making me unwell. I would love to be someone else, have someone else's mindset in these moments, but I can't. I'm stuck with me, and I need to suck it up, and put my game face on. Harry walks through the door, holding it open for his family, and I smile waving to them.
    "Hey, you two know Anthony from tour right?" I motion to my friend, and Anne, and Gemma smile.
    "Yes of course, how are you love?" Anne asks over the commotion.
    "I can't complain, let me help." He moves forward, taking some things, and we all move together. I'm the first through my apartment door, and everyone else is following behind. My mom has transformed my apartment, it looks like christmas threw up in here, and I can't do anything but stare. I haven't decorated for Christmas since I lived at home, and I wasn't planning to do it this year either. There's a tall tree behind my couch, decorated with hanging ornaments, all brighter colors and not traditional christmas colors. There's lights up the banister of my staircase, reaching all the way to the top. There's lights around my windows, and small christmas figurines around the tables. She hung a wreath up on the opposite side of the door, and on the island in the kitchen is a huge Poinsettia. It looks great, but it doesn't look like my apartment.
    "Oh El, your apartment is beautiful, I love all the decorations." Anne smiles to me as she sets her things down.
    "Thank you but I can't even pretend to take credit for the decorations, that was all her." I point to my mom who is standing from the couch with my dad, and they smile over.
    "You must be Suzie, and Garrison. It's so lovely to meet the two of you." Anne walks over to them, and my mom leans forward hugging her, and my dad gives a firm handshake, which is completely like my dad.
    "Mom, Dad, this is Gemma, Harry's sister, and then you met Anthony the other day." I introduce, and they both wave.
    "Alright now I was gonna cook all on my own, but then Eileen told me the lot was coming over as well, she told me you liked to cook?" My mom asks Anne, and Anne nods to her.
    "My son told me the same thing... So it seems we'll be cooking together?" She asks my mom, and they both move to the kitchen together.
    "Come on, we can hangout in here." I tell everyone else.
    "Dammit, of course they'd leave me with all the young ones. I ain't gonna complain, but if a single one of you makes me feel old I will throw a fit." My dad points to all of us, and all I can do is smile. My dad may be older, but he's got a young soul. "Now I know the two of you are from across the pond, but what about you?" My dad asks Anthony, and we all look at him for an answer though Harry, and I both know.
    "I'm from New York, I was born and raised there." He tells my dad, and he furrows his brows.
    "So what the hell are you doing here? I mean I know New York is bad, but ain't this place worse?" My dad asks him, genuinely concerned for him.
    "I like it here actually... Not as busy, but still busy." He tells him, and my dad turns to me.
    "You agree?" He asks, and I nod.
    "I like it here better than New York honestly." My dad turns to Harry, but then turns away.
    "You're a weirdo so I ain't even gonna ask you." He jokes, and I roll my eyes.
    "Harry, you planning another tour anytime soon?" Anthony asks, and I look for an answer as well, wondering the same thing.
    "Of course, but I don't know when. First we've got two music videos, then I need to finish the album, I've got to do an album cover shoot, and then of course I've got to do the MET Gala... Tour is going to come after all that." He tells all of us, and my dad shakes his head.
    "You're life is way too damn busy for me. I'd need about ten naps a day if I was you." He jokes, and I smile at my dad.
    "His life is fun, you don't get out enough, actually hardly at all." I push him back, and he raises his eyebrows and motions around him.
    "I'm out right now aren't I?" He asks, and I sigh, standing.
    "Eileen, ain't you heard of a fried turkey on christmas?" My mom asks from behind me, and I cringe, knowing this was coming.
    "Yes mama I have heard of that, but why don't we just do a normal turkey, or ham this christmas?" I ask, and then Anne raises her glass.
    "Gemma, Harry, get over here, I need you to try this, what did you say it was?" She asks my mom, and I look to her glass.
    "Sweet iced tea with a lemon wedge honey, you Brits have been drinkin it wrong all this time." My mom jokes, and Anne takes another sip.
    "Sweet tea, I've heard of it before but I've never tried it till now, and it's wonderful, you two have to try it." His mom tells them, and I find myself smiling at the thought. Harry, and Gemma both join me, and Anthony and my father follow soon after.
    "Anthony have you ever had sweet tea?" I ask, and he shakes his head. Harry is open to new things, and from what I can tell he likes the things he tries most of the time. Gemma I don't know well enough to tell, but Anthony doesn't like anything he isn't used to when it comes to food, and I know for a fact he will not enjoy sweet tea. I go to the cabinet, and get out glasses, pouring a small bit of the homemade sweet tea my mom must have made last night when I was with Harry. Each glass has a bit in it, and I pass them to the three victims in front of me while Anne, and my mom move around me, and I watch as all of them look to each other. "Go on, it's not going to bite you.' I laugh, and my dad rolls his eyes.
    "Y'all are a bunch of babies, it's just sweet tea, and the best you'll drink. My Suzie knows what she's doin, go on, try it." My dad pushes, and they all shrug, lifting their glasses to their lips. They each take a sip, and Gemme raises her eyebrows.
    "It's not half bad." She looks to the glass, and raises it to her lips again. Anthony scrunches his face up, and puckers his lips.
    "That's not tea, that's a big glass of sugar." He tells me, giving the exact reaction I knew he would. Harry sets his glass down, and I know he doesn't want to hate it considering my dad loves it so much so he takes another sip, his brows furrowing in thought.
    "It's a bit noisy for a drink." He tells us, and my dad looks at him like he's never met anyone more dumb.
    "What the hell did you just say?" He asks, and my dad has a small smile on his lips, he's amused, and confused.
    "I feel like I might have a cavity after drinking too much of it." He jokes, and I laugh, pouring myself a full glass.
    "So you drink this with every meal? Not like a desert type of thing, it's just all the time?" Anthony asks, holding the bit of tea he has left in the bottom of his glass up.
    "You're damn right. Either that or beer." My dad tells him, and I shake my head.
    "Or coke, or water... Don't listen to him." I tell Anthony, and take their glasses, but Gemma waves me on to pour her some more, which doesn't surprise me, I can tell her and her mother are a lot alike. I pour her more, and stay standing next to Harry as he sits, the line of them sitting at the countertop.
    "I love Christmas." Anne chimes in, and I shrug.
    "I think Christmas, and New Years are the only holidays we have that aren't pointless." I tell all of them, and Harry looks to me with a shocked expression.
    "Valentines Day is very important Eileen." He tells me, and I shrug.
    "And thanksgivin, we get fat, and watch football, what's not to love?" My dad asks, and I shrug my shoulders.
    "Valentine's Day is pointless because if you are in some type of relationship their shouldn't be one day to spoil and treat your partner, it should be like that everyday of the year. Thanksgiving isn't right because right after the pilgrims shared with the indians in perfect harmony they slaughtered them and took their land... Pointless." I point out, and Anthony nods his head.
    "Morbid, but very true." He agrees.
    "Okay, I'll give you thanks giving mostly because we don't celebrate it, but Valentine's Day is sweet, don't you think? Your loved ones should treat you well all year long, but it's a day to do something a little bit more special, more romantic than normal." Anne tells me. "You two won't be doing anything on Valentine's Day?" She asks, looking between Harry, and I.
    "No."
    "Of course we are." Harry, and I both speak at the same time, and I look at him. "We've got some things to discuss." Harry tells them, and I let him think that we will be doing something but we will not.
    "Your redneck mother wanted me to take her to Waffle House for a candle lit dinner." My dad speaks, and I facepalm, sighing out.
    "Please, explain to me what was just said." Gemma asks, and I sigh once more.
    "Waffle House is a greasy little diner, only found in southern states, and it's the farthest thing from romantic." I tell them, already feeling the headache from the night coming on.
    "It could be romantic if I brought my own candles, and played some Elvis Presley, and Brad Paisley on the JukeBox. You just wouldn't know romance if it ran you over with an F-150." My mom points her frying pan at me, and turns to run it under the sink.
    "I think it's sweet." Anthony tells us, and I roll my eyes.
    "It is, because it's done with love." Harry adds, and I roll my eyes again.
    "Whatever you say." I agree to stop the conversation, and we continue talking. Anne is completely enthralled by my mother as they continue to talk about boot shops, and the kind of embellishments you can put on a cowboy hat. The two of them finish cooking, and as weird as it is, there's a mix of southern food along with non southern food, plenty to go around for everyone. We set the dishes on my dining room table, and gather around, joining hands.
    "Who's sayin the blessing?" My dad scans the table, and passes by Harry, his family, and quickly over Anthony, and then to me and my mother, focusing on us.
    "I guess I will." I mumble, knowing that my mom expects it from me at this point. "Dear lord, thank you for this day, and this food prepared by the amazing women sat at this table. We thank you for a time of family, and giving. We thank you for safe travels, and for people that we love and cherish with all our heart. We ask you to bless this food, and this life in your holy name. Amen." I pull the prayer straight from my memory of how it used to sound when I lived at home, and everyone mumbles amen after me. We all dig in, and I feel warm at the people surrounding me, eating and being themselves. This is everyone I love, everyone I care about, and want to be around. This time last year I never would have wished this, I would have been alone in my apartment watching reruns of friends, dreading the call I had to make to my mom and dad. Everything is different now.
    After we ate we cleaned a bit, and then sat around my living room, passing around presents. I got Anthony some things and Harry did as well. My parents got Harry something, and him being who is got them some stuff as well. Anne got me something which shocked me, and we laughed, letting each of us open presents one by one. Harry got my parents a hand crafted pass for tickets to the next show he has in Atlanta, and a gift card to Publix. I'm not sure how he found it, but it's perfect because they're always there, and he knew that from the talks we've had. My parents, or should I say my dad got Harry a book titled, How to be southern for dummies... I'm not surprised either. I opened my present from Anne, and couldn't help the smile from coming to my lips.
    "Where did you find this picture?" I ask her, looking at it in a state of shock. It's from tour, I'm straightening his collar, it's from the last show right here in Cali, and we both have the widest smiles on our faces. He's looking down to me, I'm looking to his chest as I do my job. The frame is sleek, and gold, but it's perfect.
    "I took it when you two weren't paying attention. He told me you weren't that big of a picture person so I didn't want to ask you for a picture so I snuck one. I'm so glad you love it." She beams, and I don't just love it, I adore it... It's perfect.
    "It's perfect, thank you so much." I tell her, looking down at the picture again, and showing Harry. He has a light glimmer in his eyes as he looks to it, and it's sweet. We were both happy then, it's obvious when you look at the picture, and as you see it, we're happy now too, despite the deep feelings of doubt in my chest. The rest of the gifts were exchanged, and everyone hung around for a while, grabbing more food to eat, and telling jokes. It felt like I actually had a family, and I couldn't do anything but smile the entire night. Anthony left, taking his gifts, and saying goodbye to all of us, along with Gemma and Anne. Anne and my mom exchanged numbers before she left, and it made me smile, knowing that there's a relationship forming there. They started loading things in the car, and I started to walk them out, but Harry stopped me, letting them go ahead.
    "I got you something else, I just, I was a bit nervous thinking about giving it to you, I was afraid you'd hate it, or get mad at me for buying you too many things." He tells me, and I sigh.
    "I wish you didn't get me so many things, but there's no way I could hate it, or be mad at you." I tell him, and he pulls out a small box causing my eyes to widen.
    "It's not what you think, just open it." He tells me, and I unwrap the box, opening the closed lid, and watching the item blur as my eyes fill up with tears. A small gold necklace, Haley's name on it, her birthstone right next to her name, and I just stare at it. "I figured that way you could wear her with you everywhere you went, and I know you don't like a lot of jewelry so it's small, and not very loud." I hold the box in my hands and all I can do is look at the shine of the small piece.
    "This is perfect... How could I be upset with you for this, thank you." I tell him, keeping the box in my hands, but practically jumping up to hug him. He takes me in his arms, wrapping his arms around me tightly, the famous hug he always gives, the only hug I accept so fully, and I stay there, feeling his warmth, emotionally and physically. He pulls back, and he sees my face, sees the look I have.
    "Are you alright?" He asks, and the question throws me off a bit.
    "Of course I am... Thank you." I reach back up, and hug him again.
    "I know you're not alright... I know something is going on but I'm going to wait until you want to tell me instead of pulling it out of you... Everything is going to be fine." He tells me, and I swear he's a psychic. I pull away, and he looks down to me. "You know everything is going to be alright... whatever is going on is going to get better..." He promises, but he doesn't know, he has no idea.
    "Okay..." I don't know what else to say, mostly because I know if I was to tell him now that he wouldn't leave, he wouldn't spend time with his family who is leaving soon, and he wouldn't be the person he needs to be for them.
    "I love you El, so much." He pulls me forward by the back of my head, and kisses my forehead, right between my eyebrows.
    "I love you." I reply back, and he flicks my chin up, kissing me softly.
    "Your parents leave tomorrow?" He asks, and I nod. "Alright well, Gemma, and my mum don't go home till the next day... Spend tomorrow with us, I promise we won't bore you." He tells me, and I smile, though I know I will most likely spend tomorrow alone. I don't want to be around anyone, it'll be the first time I'll be there, without my family, without my dad, and I'll be able to sit with the fact that he's dying, that he's not coming back, and it'll be the time I have to force myself to accept that. Harry goes off, getting in his car with his family, and he leaves. I head up the stairs, and back into my home, seeing my mom and dad, cleaning things up.
    "You guys don't have to do that." I tell them, but they don't stop moving as I sit down. "I want to talk to you guys... As much as I wish we didn't have to have this talk on Christmas day, you're both leaving tomorrow, and I need to know some stuff." I tell them. My dad looks to my mom, and they stop what they're doing finally, moving to me on the couch. "What happens next?" I ask, and my mom looks to me, giving me sympathy with her eyes.
    "Well honey, we go home, and we try to make your daddy better." She tells me, and I open my mouth to talk, but my dad starts instead.
    "I don't want any of the bullshit, none of that. Eileen, I need you to know that there's almost a zero percent chance that they're gonna fix me up.... You have to know that before I go back home." He tells me, and my chest is heavy.
    "I know..." I mumble, and the realization hits him, he knows that I'm not dumb, he knows I know what is really going on. "I want to come home before... before you..." I start, but I can't think of the right words so my dad interrupts again.
    "Before I die. Ellie bug, you can say it, it ain't gonna hurt my feelings." He tells me, but I wasn't worried about hurting his feelings, I don't want to say it, because then it's true, it's more real that way. "There's no way of knowin when that's gonna happen. Ellie, I don't want you hangin around me when I'm dyin." He tells me again, and I feel a burst in my chest.
    "It's not your choice. As much as I hate to say it, it's not your choice if I'm around or not. You're my dad, and I'm going to lose you, and if I want to be around you, if I want to be there when you say goodbye then I will be." I don't raise my voice, but I speak with force, and my dad sits back.
    "Eileen, if you're anything like me, which I know damn well you are... It ain't gonna help a thing if you see me all sick, and thin. I want the last thought of me in your mind to be the way I am now, that way when you think of me, you'll be thinkin of your daddy, not some old sick man that could hardly breath. That ain't me, and I know it'll make it worse on you if you see me like that." He tells me, and he's right. Every word he said was true, but what about my mom, what about how she's going to be doing during all of this? I can't just leave her to take care of him alone.
    "What about you? How are you going to be when you're all alone in that house? Momma, I can't just leave you to deal with that alone." I fight, and she sighs.
    "I accepted this awhile ago Eileen. I'm a tough woman, and as much as it hurts, we all have our expiration dates, you, me, your daddy... Haley. There ain't no point in shyin away from em, and acting like a big ol wus. I'm gonna travel, I'm gonna travel, and see all the tourist sights just like you did because hell I've got the money, and your daddy told me to do it. You don't need to worry about me darlin, you need to worry about you, and that boy of yours." She tells me, and it hurts, it stings knowing my mom has already let go in some ways, but it almost makes this better. It makes me realize how wrong I'm going about this.
    I don't need to handle this the way I would have, but I also don't need to wallow, and cry. I need to find a happy medium, crying alone when I need to, wallowing when I feel like it's necessary, but making sure that the happy side, the side that's still bright, and blooming is out when other people are around. This is healthy, and this is what my dad would want. He wouldn't want my life to change, he doesn't want that, he's already said it. My life won't change, not one bit, not until I get a call from my mom, and that's when everything will really change, but until then, I'll be fine.... Mostly because I won't be me, I don't know who the person I'm going to become is, but she'll be exactly who I want... she'll be someone else.

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Song: Soda by Nothing But Thieves

I love this song.... but I hate this chapter because I know you guys are going to get mad at me for making El do her usual and close herself off but there is a reason behind everything I do so all I can say is

WAIT!!! And you shall have your answer(: