FIFTIETH CHAPTER

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To heaven or to hell?


The conversation with her aunt did nothing for Dara's peace of mind... if anything, it destroyed the equilibrium she had already found in her decision to be with Jay.

"Oh God...", she expelled as she continued to drive around... now near the beach side, her windows lowered down to feel the night air in hopes of finding some sense of peace.

She wants to cleanse herself of everything and for the moment she just wants to escape and leave everything behind her.

"When did being happy become this hard?", she asked the sound of the rolling waves and even if it would have freaked out any normal person, she would have appreciated for the sea to have answered.

If only her mother is alive, she could have easily asked her why she chose her Dad over Judge Kwon and it would have most probably cleared her doubts. But then again, her life would have been different from what it is now.

"I'm hopeless", she pronounced and didn't know if she wanted to go get drunk or have an accident that would cause her amnesia.

She wanted to go run to someone, but she knows that the one she wants to go to is the one she isn't supposed to see.


It is treacherous to love him despite everything. It is completely stupid for her to continue doing so when she already knows that nothing is going to come out of it.

He put up all sorts of barriers against her.

He, so easily, pushed her away and into the arms of another man.

He gave her every reason why it is never going to work with him and why he is never going to be the man for her.

He does not love her.

He didn't even say that he could love her.

And yet... she continues to care for him and love him – she has to be honest about that.


But she already accepted that there exist a kind of love where because you love the person, you cannot be with them – this is probably that love for her. AND she is already resigned to that.

"It was accidental and absolutely unexpected but with everything that was going around, they did. And I have never seen your mom happier or more heartbroken at the same time", her Aunt's words haunted her and she felt the same sense of foreboding that engulfed her when she first heard the story.

Her mom's first love had become a broken man after she left him.

What had shaken her about this is the question that appeared inside her head about Jiyong. What if the same thing happens to him?

It is crazy to even think it because he doesn't love her, she is sure, but somehow it kept nagging at her and she doesn't want him to be a man more bitter than he already is.

He's a wonderful guy and he deserves to be happy too... even if it isn't with her.


She turned and drove towards his cottage.


She isn't going to let herself think of anything anymore but to just get to Jiyong.

If she even entertained any new thought, she knows she is going to lose her courage.

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