Forever and a Half || Michael Jackson

Chapter Fifty-eight - I Know That

Chapter fifty-eight — I Know That

Note: mention of mental health issues in the chapter, so read at own risk. Thank you!

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-March 14, 1988-

I've been thinking a lot lately, about my future (or lack of). Nothing has changed in the last couple of weeks; I still hate my life and the idea of existing for another 50-60 years is excruciating for me to deal with. Plus, without my family, what life is that? I only have Citria and Clover, and although they mean a lot to me, I probably don't mean as much to them. So, what difference will it make if I'm not here to join their duo?

I've decided that I'm going to force myself to have the nicest day I possibly can with Citria today. Clover will stay home and prepare dinner for the evening, and I'm going to take Citria back to the roller disco we went to for our first and only date before we decided to be together. The same roller disco we saw each other at all those years ago, too. I know it'll mean a lot to her to go back there, even if it won't have the same atmosphere with it being broad daylight as opposed to dark in the evening.

It's a strange feeling to be doing something like this: trying to give myself a nice day even if I don't deserve to have nice things. I'm only doing it so that Citria doesn't become concerned or think anything's off. I just hope she doesn't decide she wants to eat lunch when we're there, because my eating is nonexistent still. If we do eat, I'll just have to make a trip to the bathroom and bring it back up, because I know that's what my conscience will make me do anyway. It would be nice to enjoy food, but it's one thing having no appetite; and another forcing yourself to have one for the sake of others. It's very difficult for me to eat without feeling sick to my stomach.

"Are you ready, Cit?" I ask, sliding a jacket over my long-sleeved shirt. I'm very lucky that it's winter (turning to spring), so long sleeves are justified anyway. Imagine if it were summer, and I had no choice but to wear short sleeves and expose all my scars? I'm no good at the talking stuff, so I'm glad for the time of year it is.

"Nearly!" she calls back from upstairs, not too long before I hear her footsteps coming down to the living room where I'm stood.

Clover is sat on the sofa reading, and looks up just as Citria enters the room. "My, don't you both look wonderful?" She beams, standing up to neaten Citria's coat collar, then my curls. "Now, you both go have a lovely time together. Make the most of being happy! It'll be a good day for you both. I'll make dinner for tonight." She grins and exhales simultaneously, before following us to the door. "See you both later!"

Citria and I leave the house, before beginning our walk to the roller disco. It'll take us around an hour to walk there, but we enjoy taking in the scenery, so it's all part of the adventure anyway.

-Clover's Point of View-

Now that Citria and Michael have gone away for the day, I can set out doing my plan. Since they've taken me into their home without a single complaint, I wanted to tidy the place a little, clean it and make it look nicer. I've kind of messed up the house a little with all my belongings, so I think it's fair I give it a deep clean to say thank you to them for all they've done for me. After all, they're family.

My first port of call is their bedroom. Some may argue that this could be an invasion of their privacy, but neither of them are really going to be hiding anything inappropriate are they? And besides, we all know each other inside and out. Hopefully they'll understand the gesture I'm making is a good one. Once I've entered the bedroom, I note that it's pretty much entirely tidy. Perhaps I could just polish the shelves, the bedside tables and any other wooden furniture. I don't want to intrude too much when it's already pretty neat.