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14

Friday

A part of me regrets telling Neomi I would come to her party. I am already tired from school and it's not even six pm yet wich the party starts at. With an exhausted body I pull myself up the stairs that lead fruther to my room.

School has been exhausting today. It took all of my energy out. I have been studying hard the whole week and I can feel that my body has no energy left. But I promised Neomi I would come.

Even though I have no Idea what I'm going to wear. Probably one of the more thighter dresses I own. I want to look. For once in my life I want to look actually good for something. Maybe I will forget about River if I start talking to other people and socializing more. I should really have more then two friends.

It's kind of sad.

Talking about River, I haven't seen him in a long time. The last time I saw him was monday during art but we didn't even glance at eachother. He has been skipping school for the rest of the week as I haven't seen him since monday.

As I said before, everything went back to normal and I have decided to get over him wich you can tell I'm currently failing at as my thoughts drift back to him every second.

Once I'm in my room, I drop my backpack to the floor right besides my bed. I take my denim jacket off. My room is a even bigger mess as I have been studying the whole week and I didn't have any time to clean up. I quikly change my clothes.

As it is the last day of the schoolweek I didn't really care about my outfit anymore so I wore my most basic mom jeans, a random hoodie and my denim jacket. I put on my dad's oversized black hoodie wich is very comfortable. My hair is put in a messy bun and I quikly clean up the unnecessary things in my room.

After then minutes I'm already done. I sigh in satisfaction. I proudly look at my now clean room before going back downstairs. My stomach is growling  like crazy as I am really fucking hungry. I make my way downstairs. Where I find my my dad in the kitchen also. He's talking to someone through the phone. I don't pay any attention to it as I just give him a hug and tell 'hi'.

'It's tonight. Just give them the envelope I gave you the other day. There should be enough in there.'

I have no idea who he is talking about. At this point, such a conversations have become normal for me. I kinda got used to the illegal little buisnesses my dad owns.

'You want any pancakes ?'
I whisper to my dad who's still talking through the phone. He signals me to wait for his response.
'Okay well come here and I'll give you the leftover money. Be here in 15 minutes', My dad says before hanging up the phone. I wonder who is coming over.

It can't possibly be River right ?

'Make a little more. We have a guest coming', my dad smiles at me.
'Who's coming ?'
'River.'

My whole body freezes but I don't dare let my dad notice it. I will see River again. He's gonna eat my pancakes and talk to my dad. Why am I always in these shitty situations. I thought I was getting over him, little by little. But no he has to show up now at my fucking house and fucking eat with us like he's a member of our family.

Without asking any other questions, I start making my delicious pancakes while River doesn't leave my mind once. And to be honest, he never really leaves my thoughts. It's always him I think about.

~

When I hear the bell ring, my breathing hitches in my throat. My dad already gets up to open the door. I stay in the kitchen while not knowing how to act. I check myself in the mirror one last time.