Ever Since I Had You (Zarry)

To Be So Lonely

(Are we in Cheshire yet? Yeah, we are!)

Hope you enjoy! :))
___________________________________________________

Harry's POV

"Don't blame me for fallin'
I was just a little boy
Don't blame the drunk caller
Wasn't ready for it all
You can't blame me, darling
Not even a little bit
I was away
And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch
Who can't admit when he's sorry"

The fact that it rains so often at Holmes Chapel absolutely irritates the core of my entire being. I snuggled close to my pillow and buried my neck deeper inside the quilt not bothering to get up either. I may not find the weather amusing to go out but the continuous sound of pitter-patter on the rooftop has somehow gotten accustomed with my everlasting gloom. 

"I know you're awake, baby. Don't pretend that you're just relaxing", 

the very familiar voice of my mum loomed in my bedroom. I still pretended to lie under the covers and not reply, maybe she'll just give up and leave. I heard some shuffling in my room and sniffed in the smell of tea and freshly made pancakes and a tinge of maple syrup. 

I thought she'd leave after settling the plates on my table but in turn, I felt a dip at the edge of my bed. I immediately knew she saw right through me and isn't leaving until I properly had a conversation with her.

"An idle body is a devil's workshop. Remember the times when you used to believe these sayings and actually listened to me?"

Her words made me stir and sit up looking at her straight with a heavy and unconventionally gloomy pout. She returned the gesture with an empathetic smile, a tight-lipped one. My heart starts to do the unusual strain of beating faster in the anticipation that she knows a bit more than I want her to know.

She brought a warm palm near my cheek and tucked a loose strand of hair, "Harry, I know this is not my place to say this, you are a grown man, but I don't think I've seen you like this ever since he left, you know."

Mamma said "he" as the name has been prohibited in the household. "Mum, everything is not about him~ He left me back then a-and~"

"Baby, hush, I know it still hurts but that won't change the fact that you've come so far and worked so hard for yourself, my child. Don't start crumbling again. Piecing you back together wasn't something that any of us did for you, you did it, and yet again, it is your choice to be back. Your choice to get back up. Drinking away in your room, staying locked in, scrolling through your phone and occasional rehearsing and calling up your friends is all you've been doing these past 8 months. You really think I don't notice you've decidedly not let yourself heal of whatever it might have been this time?"

I was exhausted already. I know I didn't do anything but I couldn't somehow make myself owe the fact that yes, she is right. It all boils down to me if I want to turn around and stand my ground. 

"Don't call me "baby" again
You got your reasons
I know that you're tryna be friends
I know you mean it
But don't call me "baby" again
It's hard for me to go home
Be so lonely"

It's been over seven months while I stay here in Chesire and yet I don't have it in me to actually go and get myself to move on. It all seemed so real. The love in his eyes, the desire and the connection, it was all there. I wasn't just reading it. He said he wanted me too but what was it worth. Couldn't he trust me over... over... like, fuck! He just freaking assumed that I was fucking Anwar behind his back! And shittier is my state that I still can't get over it.

I zoned out for a but too long it seems, mum had already taken dishes and half eaten breakfast and with a dejected sigh placed a very warm palm against my cheek,