Her // Joe Goldberg (COMPLETED)

1

Guinevere Beck's display was a daily reminder of the train-wreck I could call our love story and frankly it hurt to stand at it every few weeks with a box of her books at my feet. I left restocking it to the end of the day, it usually took me about three days to finish such a simple task but I just had to remind myself that once I hit a target I could go home, back to safety and tranquility of my rundown but homely apartment.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I'd barely seen you come in Doc Martens. Those jet black leather boots were the only thing I saw and the only things I'd allow myself to see. I presumed you were a tourist lost or someone just trying to seek shelter from the ungodly amount of rain pouring out of the sky tonight and who am I to stop you from doing that ?. But you didn't move from the door, it was as if both of your feet were permanently glued to the hardwood and I found it extremely odd. Mooney's had two very uncomfortable couches you could've sat on, arguably, you wouldn't sit there if you knew they were uncomfortable but I already know I'd remember someone like you coming in before and I had no recollection. You also could've pretended to read a book, you could've done anything and I wouldn't have bothered you but it was almost as if you wanted to me to look up.

Hello, you. No, Jesus no. I told myself thousands and thousands of times I wasn't going to do this to myself, too many things had happened with the messes that were Candace and Beck and I mentally nor physically could endure such pain again but I literally could not pull my eyes away from you Doc Martens.

I saw something in your eyes I hadn't seen since my last day with Beck, absolute dread and terror. You were petrified standing against the door, you were gripping the handle and your eyes were darting around the room, all I wanted to do was ask you what was wrong but it felt too immediate to do. Your eyes are what caught me, a blue so icy they almost looked glassy, if you looked too long you'd be captivated, put under a spell and I think, I fell victim to it at that moment. Your blonde hair was tied in a low bun, it hadn't been like that all night, I could from the perfect curls falling out of it. Those Docs that I'd noticed when you came in were paired with a knee length red dress, another combination I knew you didn't leave the house with, you'd obviously spent the night dancing and had sore feet, who am I to judge ?. Usually, based on first impressions, I'd say you didn't care about anything but I knew from the look on your face, you did, a lot more than you'd let on aswell.

Once our eyes finally met, your whole face softened, you needed a friendly face after whatever you endured. You flashed a friendly, pearly white smile and wandered off to the classics. You were here to read but did you spend all of that time waiting for me to look up ?. Did I completely misjudge you ? or were you actually just here to find a book ?. Had anyone else been working with me they'd be annoyed that I couldn't finish the simple task of restocking the shelf with a book written by a woman I once loved and unfortunately, in turns of events had to kill but I have to be here to answer any question you may have, any question at all.

I picked up the box, I'd done enough work for the day and returned to my perch behind the counter where all I could was watch you. Your fingers danced across the spines of the books as if they were preforming a recital for me exclusively. You decided you had enough of them and wandered off to the poetry, here I knew you were looking for something specific because your eyebrows were furrowed and you were looking hard in concentration. It was constantly broken because you kept checking your phone and the window too many times. It was pouring outside, who could you possibly be expecting ? a friend ? a mother ? a sister ? Anyone female preferably ?

I don't know you at all Doc Martens but I'm certain that I want to know every little detail about you. You still looked beyond terrified, it was taking every last piece of self control I had not to go over and reassure you. You were a deer in headlights and all you had to do was ask for my help, in whatever way you may need it to not be so frightened anymore. I had to sit there pretending to be unamused for exactly eight minutes and fifty-three seconds until you walked up to the counter, smiling again, of course. "Do you have a copy of Maya Angelou's And I Still Rise paper back" you asked timidly. It was the first words you'd ever spoken to me and your voice was music to my ears, in fact I'd remove all forms of music from my life if it meant I could listen to you for all of eternity.

You were still smiling at me but your eyes couldn't stop darting from your phone to the window, your free hand was tapping on the counter now, you were fidgeting and could barely hold a conversation, I was seriously worrying for your safety. "We do, it should be in the poetry section under female" I told you, it sounded cocky, like I'd seen you over there and was trying to point out the obvious but there was no other way of explaining it. You were embarrassed that you couldn't find it for yourself and I could see it from the dusty pink shade of your cheeks. I couldn't blame you, no one would be capable of finding anything in the state you were in.

To ease the awkwardness, I left my perch and found the book for you in two seconds, this was easy for me to do because I had every section memorised. "Good choice" I said, about to hand you the book but you weren't next to me, you were halfway across the store and that was when you lost all of the colour and life in your face. "Oh no" you whispered through a gulp, I felt an instant need to protect you and I didn't even know you. There was a tall, muscular man in a black hoodie storming towards the store, I wanted to tell you to go and hide in the back but you ran out to deal with him and I didn't even get your name. But you didn't get your book so I knew you'd be back.

I know you'll be back because I am a huge believer in love, a hopeless romantic some would say so I know we'll find our way back to eachother and we'll be the something I've spent my whole life wishing for.