a literal god in RWBY and other anime's & novel's (M!reader)

new world? (short)

(y/n): AKHEM! witcher's! ladies! and jaune.

Jaune: *sad sigh*

(y/n): i present to you...*dramatic pause*...this! f*cking thing~

Witcher homunculus: HEeauuuae....

Lambert: does the new formula made him stupid or was he already like that?

they all already knew about (y/n) and Vesemir trying to do a new formulas for the trials so seeing the witcher'ed homunculus was not that shocking

(y/n): nah he is just that stupid.

Lambert: so now we need to find an actual human to put in the trials

Ciri: ME! i will do it!

(y/n): i still need to test it on a girl body so you need to wait longer for your trials

Ciri: ohh...

Jaune: i can go

...

...

(y/n): well ok...but just to be sure you are aware that you will not be able to have a child after right?

Jaune: oh please you probably can make a cure for that or some kind of pill

he said with a raised eyebrow

(y/n): ...yea i actually can. go to the basement and get naked

Jaune: that sounded wrong

(y/n): just go to the basement and take your clothes off and dont make weird comments please

while we were having this conversation Eskel and Lambert were laughing at us, Vesemir and Geralt were just shaking their head while mumbling "you dumb motherf*ckers"

Triss just giggled and Ciri went red thinking about Jaune naked and started planing how to sneak into the chamber and peek a little

Huh...Jaune as a witcher...to be honest he didnt plan that, but hey at least its another power-up for Jaune am i right?

five minutes after the conversation Jaune was already naked and waiting in the basement. (y/n) quickly took Ciri away who was hiding behind the machinery but it was for nothing she already saw what she wanted to see much to Jaune discomfort

(y/n): it should not hurt much so dont worry. oh and also...

Jaune: wh-

he didnt get to say anything as (y/n) knocked him unconscious and then started the first trial

it took an hour and a half before it was done but thankfully (y/n) spawned a PSP and played tekken 5 on it while this was happening

with one quick plash of cold water he woke Jaune up and put him on the second table and told him that for this one he will need to stay awake

knowing that it will take more time this time he decided to skip it using one of those chibi time skips

---time skip brought you by Chibi (y/n) trying to fix the fourth wall he just broke---

(y/n): ladies and gentle man i present you *dramatic pause* ...Witcher Jaune! *shaky jazz hands*

Jaune: ....hi?

Lambert: it worked? damn i was sure the kid is going to die!

Geralt: lambert...

Lambert: what? dont tell me you didnt think that as well!

well it was true that Gerald had doubts but he wouldnt just admit that he was right.

Eskel: well technically you are not a witcher until you dont do the third trial.

the third trial is a simple one. go trough the forest and into a mountain to get a witcher amulet and then come back. there are a couple of monsters on the way so it is a dangerous journey and you can easily die on the way

Jaune: where do i start?

Vesemir: you dont have to do this Jaune...its not that important

Jaune: i want to do it.

(y/n): give up. if he wants to do something he will do it.

Vesemir: *sigh* alright...you will start tomorrow at 5:00 AM...

---time skip brought you by Chibi (y/n) teaching Chibi Ciri how to use her Elder blood---

Jaune: we are leaving?

(y/n): you complete your trial and spend a day more here and yes then we are leaving.

Jaune: wait... "I" spent a day here? what about you?

(y/n): i need to test something. i will come back in a day or two...tell the rest because i didnt told them yet

Jaune: well okay i guess...bye see you in a day or two

and just like that (y/n) teleported himself away...now he was standing in a forest...it was night...and he could hear monsters all around him

(y/n): *sigh* terraria...damn i love this game :)