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❝the dinner party, pt. one❞
HE'D BEEN RUNNING SINCE HE LEFT STEFAN. When he left Mystic Falls, he left behind an entire life of bad memories, he left behind the death that seemed to follow him.
He was in Nevada now, living in a secluded old cabin in the middle of the woods. He only went to town to feed, anything else he tried to obtain in a private matter– having people deliver it or finding it himself. He didn't want to be known by anyone anymore, just simply existing in his new life.
When he left Stefan, he knew it was for the best. He'd felt guilty at first, not wanting to leave behind the last bit of family he had left, but when he saw how out of control his brother had become in his transition, he knew he couldn't stay. He had yet to even mourn his wife, he couldn't just push the thought of Rosemary to the side to fuss over his brother.
Perhaps it was a bit selfish of him to leave Stefan when he needed help, but Damon wasn't capable to do any sort of caring at the moment. In his countryside solitude, he'd been left with nothing but his thoughts to haunt him, and they did just that.
Some mornings he swore he woke up to the sound of Rosemary cooking breakfast, wrapped in a robe and gliding through the kitchen like the elegant woman she was. He was so afraid to move from his bed sometimes because if he did, she'd be gone again. No matter how lucid he'd become, nothing could tell him she wasn't there with him those mornings.
And if waking up to it wasn't enough torture on his already bruised and battered mind, he dreamt of her too. Nightmares, dreams, a moment in time that's simply just a memory his subconscious is torturing him with.
In his best dreams he heard her laughter in his ears as if she was standing right there, and in his worst nightmares he's watching her die right before him, unable to do anything but watch in agony as the love of his life is taken from him. No matter how wonderful the dreams can be, or how awful, he's stuck in a loop of misery, unable to get out of it.
His life has become a long cycle of the same thing. Purchase things he needs to survive in bulk, feed once a week at best, and do nothing but stare at his walls and wonder if he could've done something to save Rosemary.
Sometimes his thoughts travel to killing Stefan, or killing Katherine. His father's already dead, so it's not like he can take his anger out on him. He always tries to stop those thoughts before he spirals too far, because he knows with every spiraling thought, it gets harder and harder to pull himself back out of his own mind.
Over the months in his loneliness, he's grown angry with his brother instead of feeling sorry for how he's turned out. He used to feel this overbearing guilt, an obligation towards his only remaining family, but all of that disappeared the longer he realized Stefan had fault in it all.
