Pain And Pen

KABANATA 9

Despite the fact that I'd been living almost half of my life being a book lover, I'm still aware where to put the boundaries between what was real and fictitious. I have witnessed how wide the gaps of those whom I dearly adored from me, not literally talking about the distance, but specifically, in the privileges fate have served to them on the golden platter. I'm already at the stage of my life where I slowly accepted that I couldn't be the person I've dreamt of. Simply because the thing I wanted the most, was also the thing my father abhorred, and everything that's happening right now seems next to impossible.

"Dad, where is she?"

I automatically stiffened upon hearing his voice. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba 'to sa kaba ko kaya napapa-imagine na ako ng mga imposibleng bagay. It's just that his voice seemed familiar to me, or maybe I'm just really imagining things.

I bit my lips, my foolish way of ensuring that this was not just a dream that my hopeless mind fabricated. I even closed my eyes for a moment, not really caring if I looked weird or what. Lahat na lang ng paraang alam ko ginawa ko na, ngunit kahit nagmukha na akong baliw sa harapan ng papa ni Dark ay wala pa ring nagbago. I'm still sitting inside the Synopsis Office while the man of my dreams was standing in the same room, maybe looking at my awkward and abnormally straight back.

"Young man, I already told you ever since you're in grade school to knock first! Where's your manners?"

The question sounds strict, but the way his father spoke was the opposite. He looked amazed, and his tone was teasing. Ilang ulit akong napalunok. Bakit naman ganito 'tong papa ni Dark my loves? Nakaka-intimidate. Para siyang campus crush na over age. I mentally laughed. Pati ako hindi na makahanap ng eksaktong description.

Nakarinig ako ng mga papalapit na yabag ng mga paa. Bahagyang nanlaki ang aking mga mata lalona't malakas ang kutob ko na papalapit na siya sa akin. Ang tuwid kong likod ay parang mas naging tuwid pa. Pwede na ata 'tong gawing ruler. Ang aking nanlalamig na kamay ay mahigpit na nakahawak sa laylayan ng suot kong damit. Gusto ko na lang pumasok sa bulsa ng pantalon ko kasi sure ako na namumutla na ako ngayon.

"Why are you just looking at Hestia like a love sick puppy, son? Tsaka tatay mo ako. 'Sumagot ka naman. 'Wag kang snob sa mas gwapo pa sa 'yo."

Saglit kong nakalimutan ang kaba dahil sa sinabi ng papa ni Dark. I bit my lips to stop myself from laughing. I just didn't imagine that Dark's father have this attitude. Based kasi sa pagkakakilala ko kay Dark, pakiramdam ko strict at seryoso rin ang papa niya. Bakit parang naging baliktad?

Para na akong mahihimatay nang maramdaman kong nasa likuran ko na si Dark. His father chuckled while I was fidgeting. Hindi mapalagay ang aking mga mata at kung saan-saan na lang dumadapo, ngunit pilit ko pa ring iniiwasang mapatingin sa lalaking sigurado akong nakatingin sa akin ngayon.

"Pasensya na, Hestia. Napaka-snob talaga ng anak ko. Tingnan mo hindi man lang sinagot ang mga tanong ko—"

Dark cut him off.

"Maybe I left my manners somewhere, Dad. If it really bothered you, go on and find it. And please, stop exaggerating my simple act of looking at her. And lastly, you didn't teach me to knock first when I was in grade school. You taught me your nonsense way of flirting, and even persuaded me to apply it."

Gusto ko sanang magkomento ng 'burn' at 'toasted' kaso naalala ko na papa nga pala ni Dark 'tong kausap niya. My emotions right now were too complicated. I'm so nervous, yet I also have the urge to laugh. I'm too excited and scared at the same time. And most of all, I'm still really torn if this is really happening or if my mind found a way of making my daydream more realistic.

"Sumbong kita sa Mommy mo. Inaaway mo ako." His father even pouted which earned a disgusted grunt from Dark.

"Mom loves me more than she loves you. She'll rather leave you than disown me."

Mas lalo akong nataranta nang dumapo sa akin ang tingin ng papa ni Dark. Para siyang batang nagsusumbong at nagmamakaawa ng kakampi. I smiled awkwardly and looked away.

"Dad, can you please leave us alone?"

Muntikan akong mabulunan sa sarili kong laway dahil sa kanyang sinabi. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko, at sa kasamaang palad nakasalubong ko pa ang tingin ng papa ni Dark na may pilyong kislap na ang mga mata. Eksahedero pa siyang napa-ubo.

"Sige lang, 'nak." Dahan- dahan siyang tumayo habang may ngiting tagumpay. "Dumaan din ako sa ganyan. Para-paraan stage," he whispered the last word which I didn't clearly hear.

I'm just looking straight. Mukhang nakalapit na ang papa ni Dark sa kanya pero natatakot pa rin akong lumingon sa kanila. Pakiramdam ko kasi kapag tuluyan ko nang nakita si Dark ay mahimatay lang ako. When I'm around with the people I admire, I usually end up embarrassing myself in front of them. Para akong may sumpa.

"'Wag mong ipahiya ang lahi natin, Dark—"

"You're doing it right now, Dad."

His father whistled. Mukhang may ibinulong siya kay Dark na hindi ko narinig. Hindi ko alam kung ano ito pero pakiramdam ko ay seryoso. Dahil bago pa man siya tuluyang makaalis sa opisina ay narinig ko ang naging sagot ni Dark sa kanya.

"Thank you, Dad."

I heard the sound of the door closing, and my heartbeat accelerated. Para na akong mabibingi sa tibok nito lalo na't mula sa likuran ko ay dahan-dahang naglakad si Dark papunta sa kinauupuan ng papa niya kanina. My eyes became more unfocused. Hindi ko na alam kung saan ibabaling ang tingin ko. This is not the way I portrayed myself when I'm imagining myself meeting Dark. Sa expectation ko, madalas ako pa ang walanghiya na tatalon para mayakap si Dark. May time pa nga na sobra nang exaggerated dahil na-imagine ko na baka ma-rape ko si Dark kapag nakita ko na talaga siya.

But look at me now, ni halos paghinga ko ay hindi ko man lang maayos. I totally looked stupid, and not the flirty Hestia I imagined. Espiritu ng kalandian, bakit naman ngayon mo po ako piniling iwanan?! How could you?!

When Dark finally sat on the swivel chair, I decided to settled my gaze on my lap. Nakapatong rito ang maputla kong mga kamay na nanginginig na. Para akong kapita-pitagang estudyante habang nasa harapan ang guro. Seconds passed and my awkwardness intensified. Hindi ko siya magawang matingnan kaya hindi ko alam kung nakatingin ba siya sa akin o kahit ano man lang sana ang expression niya.

"If you can't even look at me, then, how can I teach you something? Do I look hideous to you, Miss?"

Mabilis pa sa kidlat akong napailing. Sa sobrang taranta ko sa tanong niya ay aksidenteng napaangat ako ng tingin. At sakto pang nagtama ang tingin namin.

Hindi agad ako nakasagot sa tanong niya dahil saglit na napako ang tingin ko kanyang mukha. He looked calm—almost emotionless. Nakatutok ang mga mata niya sa akin ngunit wala akong mababakas na emosyon mula rito. Why did Dark emit almost the same vibes with Son of Shakespeare? Iyong attitute na kahit pa siguro magka-zombie apocalypse, or kahit masakop pa tayo ng mga alien ay kalmado pa rin.

"Miss?"

That snapped me from my reverie. Napakurap-kurap ako. I smiled awkwardly. Para bang hindi makapag-function ng maayos ang utak ko, at ayaw naman makipag-cooperate ng bibig ko. I cleared my throat when I noticed his piercing gaze.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm Hestia and... and..."

The end. Wasak na wasak na ang dignidad ko sa harapan ni Dark. Ni hindi man lang ako makapagsalita ng maayos. I pouted and looked down. Tiles na sosyal, lamunin mo ako!

"And you're cute."

D-did Dark say that? Like FREAKING SAID THAT?!

"W-what?" I stuttered. My eyes widen while looking at him.

"And I love your eyes. It reminds me of the beauty of that night."

And the thing I feared the most slowly happened. Unti-unting akong nawawalan ng lakas. And for the second time upon meeting members of Wordsmitheries, I passed out.