Make It Without You

Chapter 11: Questions

Nung lumabas si Billy kasama si Mikael at pumunta sa kitchen, tahimik lang si Gabo. Kahit habang naglalunch sila, walang imik. Kinausap lang ulit ni Gabo si Billy para sabihan siyang dalhan na lang ng lunch si Gavin sa guest room. Pagkatapos, nung nag-uusap sina Billy, Sputnik at Mikael sa dining area tungkol sa bakeshop, nasa isang sofa lang sa sala si Gabo, busy sa laptop niya.

"Uy, concerned," Sputnik said when he caught Billy looking at Gabo for the nth time. Tumingin siya kay Mikael, nakangisi. "Nagalit na yata."

Billy looked at Sputnik and Mikael. "Teka nga. Anong ginawa niyo?" When the two only laughed, she slapped Sputnik's arm. "Hoy!"

Sputnik chuckled. "Let's just say tinignan ko lang kung tama yung hula namin ni Mikael," he said and gave his boyfriend a low five.

"Stephen Perez, ano ba. What are you saying? Anong hula?" Billy glared at the two. "Tignan niyo nga itsura nung tao. Pumayag na ngang dito tayo mag-meeting, pinagluto pa tayo, tapos inaway niyo?"

"Relax ka nga lang! Di namin inaway," Sputnik said. "Alam mo ikaw, ang manhid mo talaga. Talagang pakiramdam mo nandyan lang yan para sa mga anak mo? Yes, maybe priority niya yung anak niyo for now, pero hanggang dun lang ba talaga? Selos na selos yung tao sa'ming dalawa, and I know it's not just about how close we are to the twins. Tell me, hasn't he done anything to even hint about how he feels about you?"

Hindi ko nga pala nakwento yung almost kiss na inistorbo nila. "H-ha? Wala!" Billy said, flustered.

Sputnik snickered. "Sa'kin ka pa talaga nag-attempt magsinungaling?" he countered. "O sige, ganito na lang ha. Ikaw, ano bang feelings mo para dyan sa ex mo? Na-figure out mo na ba?"

Billy shook her head. "Wala. We're only doing all of this for the kids. Co-parenting. Hindi pwedeng magkaaway kami sa ganitong setup. We also need to get along," she said, trying to evade the topic of feelings. Kasi magulo pa rin. Nakakalito pa rin. Nakakatakot pa rin.

"Do you trust him?" Mikael piped in.

Hindi nakasagot si Billy. Hindi ko alam.

Mikael continued. "Mukha namang napagkakatiwalaan mo na siya for the kids, at least. Pero ikaw. Do you trust yourself with him?" he asked.

No.

Sighing, Mikael gave Sputnik a knowing look. "Billy. It's been four years. I know kababalik lang nung tao sa buhay mo kaya baka naguguluhan ka na naman. But take this unsolicited advice from a friend who saw how you cried because of the guy: hindi ka tanga kung magtitiwala ka ulit sa kanya. You said this is a fresh slate, a fresh start. Sabi mo tapos na yung four years ago. Eh di iwan mo na yun," he said and smiled at Billy.

Tahimik si Billy. She's been telling herself exactly what Mikael just said these past few weeks, but she still had reservations. Kaya nga marami pa rin siyang hindi nasasabi kay Gabo. She was still afraid to let him in too much. Pwede naman siguro akong maging selfish kahit konti pagdating sa mga bata? Baka kasi umalis na naman siya. Kawawa naman sila. Si Brielle, mukhang nagiging close na sa kanya.

But he has shown these past weeks that he's determined to be the best dad to the kids. He's been patient with their children, especially Gavin. Kaya ano ba Billy, para sa mga bata ka ba talaga natatakot o para sa sarili mo?

"Sige, next time na natin pag-usapan yang feelings mo," Sputnik said. "Pero ito talaga ang kailangan niyong pag-usapan. Kailan mo sasabihin kay Tito yang kay Gabo?"

"I know, I know. Medyo preoccupied lang ako. Within this weekend, mag-uusap na kami ni Gabo. Promise," Billy said. "Now can we get back to work? Di ba yun ang pinunta niyo dito?"