ミ☆ - 𝙶𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸'𝚖 𝚊 𝚏𝚘𝚘𝚕 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚖𝚎
In which their loyalties lie with the first order, but they're both torn, undecided, broken. In each other, they find themselves.
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡...
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fade : chapter twenty-five
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
HAD HE NOT BEEN CERTAIN that it would look desperate in the eyes of the generals and captains around him, Ben would send for someone to find Florence. He could find her himself, if he were allowed. The first order has eyes everywhere — words of her reached him quickly. A white haired girl taking down three squads of stormtroopers on kijimi? The news spread like wildfire. Ben feels proud, well aware that he helped her reach a physical place that allows her to even do that.
Part of him wants to go after her, get her back. But part of him also thinks that this may be for the better. That maybe he should let her roam for not only his sake, but hers. She has never been suited for this order, he knows it and he has known it since day one. He can be a better leader without her. Focused. Cold. Cruel. This is for the best.
He tries to convince himself that he doesn't love her anymore — that he doesn't care for her and he doesn't care that she left, that she was always rebel scum underneath that layer of black clothing. She has always been good at heart and he was stupid to fall for her goodhearted self.
But it wasn't as if he could help it. She was the one person who saw him, who made him feel alive, who cured the numbness in his chest and made his everyday life into something enjoyable. He always had something to look forward to when he had her. Now he just feels empty again.
If only he knew she feels the exact same.
Florence feels out of place on Ajan Kloss. The moment she wakes up, which is the day after because apparently she slept through the entire evening as well. She feels nervous to leave her tent, nervous to face everyone else. She feels awfully strange, stomach churning at the though of stepping outside. She knows she won't be able to avoid it but she doesn't want to be faced with the dislike and criticisms that everyone else certainly has for her.
She never thought she would think this, but she misses that awful star destroyer. She misses Kez, even Hux. She misses training, she misses tiredly watching cadets in training. But maybe most of all, she misses feeling loved. She misses feeling needed, important, happy. She misses him.
Eventually, she realizes she must leave her appointed room. Her stomach is screaming for food and her lungs are begging for fresh air, the inside of the tent has grown clammy and stuffy over the night. She hadn't noticed, but as she stands up, stretching her limbs to try and rid of the tiredness still residing in her bones, she spots a pile of clothes on the small makeshift table pushed into the left corner of the room. Someone must've left them for her, she wouldn't be surprised if it was Rose.
