ミ☆ - 𝙶𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸'𝚖 𝚊 𝚏𝚘𝚘𝚕 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚖𝚎
In which their loyalties lie with the first order, but they're both torn, undecided, broken. In each other, they find themselves.
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡...
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fade: chapter twenty-eight
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
FLORENCE HAS, FOR OBVIOUS REASONS never experienced what it's like to be pregnant. She didn't expect to feel it so clearly some days, but she does. And today she can — today, as she wakes up, stretching out her limbs to rid of any sleep still left in her body, she feels horrible; both sick and tired, hot and cold at once and she feels insanely bloated.
Pregnancy doesn't scare her in the way it scared other women. She has seen first hand what labor is like. She was young, but still old enough to remember the birth of her brother. She held him when he was only minutes old, the small child screaming and crying so loud it felt piercing to her ears. She remembers it as if it was yesterday, the feeling of utter love and she silently vowed to protect him with her life.
What does scare her, however, is how life will look for this child. She doesn't know where she'll be by the time this child arrives — or even if Ben will be there with her. That is only something she can hope for at this point and it's insanely hard to be optimistic about something that seems so out of reach and uncertain, but Florence has been taught to keep her head high through everything, so she does.
She wonders how Ben will react when he finds out. If he finds out. At this moment, that seems to be so far in the future she can hardly imagine his reaction. Perhaps he will be overjoyed, perhaps he will be conflicted. It could push him over the edge in the wrong direction — but she mustn't think about such things right now. It is doing her no good in the slightest.
Motherhood seems a strange concept to her. She has only known two mothers in her life, her own and then the general. Two great role models for sure, but Florence doesn't know how to mother, how to care for a child.
The entire situation seems unreal to her. She has known it for close to a month yet she still hasn't quite wrapped her head around it. She's fled from her one true love, hiding in the outskirts of the galaxy in a thick forest with the resistance, something she never thought would happen. And she's pregnant. No, it doesn't seem right. She can't even think the word without cringing.
Things are not going according to plan — an insanely detailed plan of the best case scenario for her and Ben she has made up in her head and tweaked over time, but much of it has remained the same since that late night she laid dreaming of a life with him. A proper life. Children would come much much later in that fantasy world of hers. It is something she has learned to accept over the years, that life rarely goes according to plan, and perhaps it is best not to make any plans at all, for then you wont ever be disappointed. Because if and when one decides to make a plan, life will most certainly throw you a curveball and change everything.
