New Starts (Unedited)

15 // Quiet

"Okay, okay okay! Steven cheated on you with Brielle!"

I honestly felt my entire world crumbling down on me. I felt the tears come to my eyes. Since I was already backed up against the wall, I slowly slid down. I wrapped my arms around my shins and put my head down, resting it on my knees. "I'm sorry you have to hear that from me Hayden, really, I am," said Clarissa. "Please don't cry."

I brought my head back up. "No.  I'll just wait for Steven to tell me..."

"Bull crap. You know he isn't going to tell you. You heard him yourself.  He didn't want any of his friends telling you what he did. What makes you think he'll tell you?" I shook my head.

"N-No! He'll tell me! He has to," I replied, drifting off. He'll tell me... Right?

-

For the rest of the day, I ignored Steven. I couldn't even look at him without bringing myself into tears. It's not like he wanted to see me anyways. He ignored me the same. In class, we wouldn't look at nor speak to each other. I hardly spoke at all. Understatement.  I didn't say one word to anyone after Clarissa and I's conversation. That's how bad I feel. I can't even talk. I was actually feeling a little better when the day was over. Too bad my mom's news made it the worst day of my life.

Literally.

-

I had to walk home because my mom wasn't answering her phone. After one of the longest walks of my life, I finally arrived at my house. I walked inside and into the living room to find my mom sitting on the couch, crying her eyes out. I furrowed my eyebrows, dropped my backpack, and ran over to her. "Mo-Mom, what's wrong?" I stuttered.

"I-It's your father-" she managed to get out before she sobbed more. 

As soon as she said father, I had an idea of what was going on. Although I didn't want it to be true, I had to find out. "What about him, mom?" I asked cautiously.

She looked up and emptily stared into my eyes.

"He's gone."

I didn't even cry. I let go of my mom's hand and stood up. I walked up the stairs and into my bedroom. I sat on my bed I just stared at the ground. My boyfriend cheated on me. He won't even tell me.  We're going to break up. I get bullied for being a supposed "prostitute". My dad just di- Someone killed him. He was mad at me before he died. I wonder what his last thought of me was. That I'm a whore? A slut? Everyone else thinks I am, that including my dad, so I must be, right? I mean, it's only obvious. I'm too skinny to be healthy(or so the doctors say), which sucks so much and I just- My life is just crumbling right in front of me. The worst part about it is that I can't do anything about any of it.

I can't change that Steven cheated on me. I can't change that my dad... I can't changed that I'm anorexic because I just can't eat. I can't change anything. I'm just a worthless nothing.

An empty waste of space.

-

It's been an entire week since everything went down. I haven't spoken since. Steven broke up with me. I still get bullied. I can't do anything about these things. I literally can't talk anymore. Everything time I try to talk, the words just don't come out. Clarissa is basically my best friend now, but I feel so bad. I can't even talk to my best friend. Do you know how bad that makes me feel? To add to this, nobody talks to me. Clarissa is legit my only friend. Everyone else hates me. I don't even know why they hate me. They just do. Maybe it's because Steven twisted some words up. Word got around that I was the one who cheated on Steven.

Steven even said he had "proof". I saw this "proof" when he broke up with me. It was when Steven and I were at Target and Dustin came up and kissed me. Of course, to my luck, it only showed my face, not Dustin's, so when I said it was him, nobody believed me because they thought 'how could a no one like her get a someone like him?'. That clicking sound turned out to be a camera. One of his friends took a picture of us and I guess he showed it to Steven the night of Kian's party.

Steven said something about wanting to get even so he told me he freaking screwed Brielle. Really? I only kissed Dustin. And I didn't even know it was Dustin! I had thought it was Steven! But apparently, that doesn't make a difference to Steven. It's not like I had sex with Dustin anyways. I'm still a virgin, too! Well, if you don't count getting raped...

I can't believe I told Steven anything. I opened up to him and he shut me out, completely. We're not even friends. He broke up with me. I don't even know if he has already or will tell anyone. I don't trust him anymore, but I have no choice in the matter. I didn't even tell him my dad di-passed. As of Dustin, I haven't seen him around. Well, I have around school, but we aren't associated by any means.

He ruined my life.