New Starts (Unedited)

16 // So...

I walked into my Sign Language class expecting it to be a normal day.  But no. The universe is against me being happy. The teacher announced that we were going to be doing a project! It just so happens to be a project with partners. And I just so happen to be partnered with a kid that I didn't even know was taking this flipping class. "Hey..." he said awkwardly. Yeah, you better not be cocky you stupid person.  I gave him a head nod since I can't talk.  "So..." he drifted off. I guess I could try talking, well signing, to him.

"I'm not talking."

"Why not? Is it because of what I did?" he asked, like with his voice.

"Because... I, my, there's a lot of drama in my life right now and I just don't know how."

"Oh. Um, do you mind if we start over? I'm really sorry for everything, I truly am," he replied.

"It's whatever."

"Are you sure? I just-I don't want you to be mad at me anymore," he said, with a frown, his eyes twinkling. For a moment, I couldn't help but believe him, so I did. I just hope I won't regret it.

-

For the remainder of the day, Dustin stayed glued to my side. Why? He actually wants to be my friend! Like oh my gosh. Do you even know how many girls would legit kill someone to be in my position? Every. Single. One. When we walked down the halls, which by the way he walked me to every one of my classes, I got stares. Not just from girls, but from guys too. Why? Only because I'm walking next the the most popular thing in the entire school. Like gee, don't I feel special. I guess Dustin couldn't enough of me because he even offered to drive me to my home.  Afterwards, he even wanted to come inside. I disagreed, knowing my mother would most likely be a wreck, but in a non harsh way. Just a simple way. "Not today, maybe next time."

He said okay but looked disappointed. Why is he taking such a sudden interest in me anyways? Is it because Clarissa broke up with him? I mean, wasn't I the one that basically broke them up? Why would he want to be around me more? Wouldn't he not like me? I went to wrap my jacket tighter around myself, but didn't find it.

I'm so confused about everything. Especially why Steven is sitting on my porch steps. I immediately stop walking and stay put. How did I not see that? How did Dustin not? Is Dustin even still here? Did he leave? Is he watching this right now?

"Um, hey," he begins. My only response is my eyebrows denting slowly and my eyes widening. "I'm sure you're wondering why I'm here..." My eyebrows go up as I nod a few times. He stands up, putting his hands in the front pocket of his dark blue hoodie, that I've worn more than once. He takes a few steps until he's closer than an arm's length. "I miss you," he whispers. He brings his hand up to my face and pulls a stand of my hair behind my ear. I look away, feeling his hand drop. "Right." I feel him staring at me and I shake my head. I don't know what it meant to him, but to me, that was my way of saying stop. I didn't want to hear anything from him. He hurt me in such a horrible way and he hadn't even said he was sorry for it. Why is he even here? "I just want to hear your voice. I haven't heard it on so long. God, you don't know how much I miss you, Hayden." I start to shake my head softly. Even if I wanted to speak to him, I couldn't. I won't. "Hayden, please, I'm begging you. Just say something to me, anything. I don't even care if it's to say that you hate me, so be it. Let me hear it, let it out. I know you must have something built up on the inside, I know I do. I want to talk to you, have a normal conversation, please." By then, my head was shaking so fiercely, I was getting dizzy. I start to walk and push past him. Before I could take two steps, Steven softly grabs my hand and turns me around. I look to his eyes that are looking back at mine. His gaze goes from one eye to the other, my nose, my cheeks, everything, as if he was trying to take a picture of my face with his eyes. He finally stops on my lips and I know what he's thinking. It's been a week or so since we've last kissed. "It's been a week and three days since I've felt your fucking lips on mine and god damn it I need them, Hayden," he says, basically reading my mind. About the first part at least... And maybe the last. "I need you, please," he whispers, leaning in. Am I really going to let the guy who purposely cheated on me for revenge, who also broke my heart, kiss me right now?

"Hayden, you left your jacket in my car- Am I interrupting something?"

I immediately look to the source of the voice and found Dustin standing a few feet away. I glance from Dustin to Steven, then briskly walk over to Dustin, thankful that he stopped me from nearly making possibly worst decision of my life. I grab my jacket out of his hand and hug him, so grateful for him at the moment. It takes him a moment, but he quickly hugs me back. He brings his lips to my  ear and whispers, "you're welcome," right before Steven shows his confusion.

"What the fuck are you even doing here?"

Dustin and I break from our hug. "I said that already, she left her jacket in my car. Why, got a problem with that?"

Oh no. "Um, yeah, why was she in your car in the first place? You've ruined her life enough, don't you think?" Steven shot back.

Although what Steven said is true, I can't help but want to defend Dustin.  "Wouldn't you like to know," Dustin replies with a smirk on his face. Why can't he just shut his mouth when he's supposed to. I lightly tug on his loose jacket. He tears his view from Steven to me. I feel like a little girl because he has to look down just to see me. I shake my head, not wanting him to start a fight with Steven. He sighs, but nevertheless, picks up my hand, entwines it with his, and begins to walk to my front door. He opens it and leads me inside, leaving Steven utterly speechless. I find him leading me up the stairs. "Which room is yours?" he asks. I lead us to the door and he takes the lead once again. He opens the door and slightly pushes me inside, then close it once more. I furrow my eyebrows, confused as to what just happened. And why I'm in my room alone with Dustin. Those are two things that shouldn't be together in one sentence. "Do you wanna know why I acted like I hated you before?" he questions after a moment of silence. We both lay on top of my bed, on our backs. My feet and his head were facing my door. I wonder what my mom would think if she walked in right now. "I'm gonna assume that's a yes, so I'll answer. It's because I liked you. You were the first person to really ever stand up to me and I liked that because you were challenging. Just in general. It turned me on, but then you rejected me, in the locker room, so I thought of the first thing that came to mind. I did it because 'I didn't want you to be friends with Clarissa anymore'. Stupid excuse, I know.  I kissed you because I liked you. You're sassy, beautiful, smart, and well, you're a challenge. I've never really had to face any challenges, girl wise, of course. I've never really liked anybody so I didn't know what to do. After you rejected me, I didn't know how to feel. I was mad, for sure, but it made me like you more. Hayden, I'm really sorry for everything I've ever put you through. You don't deserve any of it and I'm- I want to help you make it better. I will make it better. I'll make he bullying stop. I promise." How is he gonna do that? "I'll find a way, I promise, Hayden. I will make it up to you. I just want you to forgive me." By this time, he's sitting up, looking at me. I nod my head. I don't think he's giving me a choice in the matter. "Oh and while we're on the topic of changing things, you'll be speaking in no time." I smiled. Maybe this'll turn out well.

Or, you know, horrifically terrible.