jemina // sirius black

nine

chapter nine - dementors and daughters

I didn't sleep, again. It was getting quite annoying, never sleeping, but how could I?

Sleeping wasn't safe, not while I was a wanted man. Not while Dementors patrolled the school. I had been unable to sleep for weeks, only ever comfortable to do so if I was in my animagus because they couldn't feel me then. 

That's when I was safest. 

I spent a lot of time as a wolfdog watching the school. I'd gotten some of their schedules down in my head, Harry and Aubrey have herbology together. Esme has herbology at the same time on a different day, with those twins. I still hadn't figured out the little one's name, or even who she was, but she had herbology the same day as Esme, right after her. 

They'd stand outside of the greenhouse, chatting, for a few minutes, every single time. Then, Esme would notice the time and dart back to the castle. 

My eldest was on the Quidditch team, with Harry, while Aubrey was always in the stands. Esme was a Chaser, just like James was. Like Jemina would have been if she'd been healthier.

We had thought it would have been Aubrey and Harry on the team. She and I always thought that Esme would have been like Jemina. We thought she would like Quidditch, but wouldn't care to play it. Clearly, we were wrong. 

That girl seemed to love Quidditch more than the captain did. She was at the Pitch long before anyone else, and she drilled the plays on her own far more often than anyone. 

I always watched her, standing just inside the forest as my animagus. There were times that she'd see me, and stare for a long moment, but she'd just go right back to playing. I frequently wondered if she was out there as often because she knew who I was, why I was there. 

It had been twelve years. Esme was no longer the tiny two-year-old I had known, she no longer seemed so carefree and happy. I had expected that given she was what? Fourteen now? 

But I hadn't expected her to look so angry. 

Every time she flew on her own, she had this expression of pure rage on her face. The anger that she showed, only on her own, rivaled the angriest that Jemina had ever been. She looked so intensely pissed, but she was so good at hiding it. When the rest of the team was there, or even if it was just Aubrey sitting in the stands, or the other little girl, she seemed so fine. 

She hid her anger from everyone, it seemed, and she was damn good at it. 

Was she angry at me?

Probably.

I rarely saw Jemina outside of the castle. Since I had scolded her, she hadn't gone further than the greenhouses unless it was to the Quidditch Pitch. 

There was one day, the weekend after I tried to get through the Fat Lady to get Peter, that Jemina took the three girls to Hogsmeade. I watched them from the forest. 

Halfway through their girls' day, Remus joined them. 

The little girl jumped into his arms the moment she saw him, and for the second time, I wondered if she was Remus' daughter. She was certainly in her first year, but I had no idea when her birthday was. 

I couldn't help but feel jealous when I saw how she clung to Remus. She begged him for a piggy-back ride, and when he finally relented, he grinned at Jemina, who looked at the little girl the same way she looked at our girls. 

As much as I tried not to see it, I saw just how much my girls loved Remus too. Esme lit up when Remus came around the corner, and she grinned when the little one jumped into his arms. She laughed often, and she seemed so much happier when he was around. And Aubrey? She tried to look so uninterested, but she smiled wider than any of them when he showed up.