Broken Little Girl

Realization

Tyler drove me home that morning.

"I'll walk you inside, just in case." He said. I didn't argue because I was nervous and I missed his annoying company.

He walked me up the stairs and a bunch of girls were looking at him with googly eyes or looking at me weird because I was in shorts and a tank top and looked freezing and very small in Tyler's leather jacket he had lent me.

When we arrived at my room I opened the door to see Noelle on her computer watching something. She looked at me with surprise, then at Tyler with more surprise.

"Andy said you never came home." Noelle said to me, she seemed a little angry and stunned by the 6'4 tattooed guy next to me.

I shut the door so it was just the three of us and I let out all of the anger I had kept down for 2 years.

"Listen to me. I am sick and tired of your mettling! I told you I had a boyfriend, I told you I wasn't interested in the guys you tried setting me up with multiple times! I am also tired of you creating a mess, and participating in intercourse while I am in the room!" I yelled annoyed and probably looking like my dad with how she was reacting to me being angry.

I glanced at Tyler which almost made me laugh because he had a very disgusted look on his face.

"You never cared before, why now?" Noelle asked, she stood up and looked offended and partly embarrassed.

I don't know what came over me in that moment, I was holding back my anger still. I felt this wave of anger seeping from my skin. I started to remember all the things in my past. My ex, my dad, my brother, my friends, my old nanny, everyone who ever hurt me.

I looked her in the eyes and I could feel the anger in my soul.

"I WAS ALWAYS BOTHERED NOELLE! YOU JUST ONLY THINK ABOUT YOURSELF, YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT HOW I FEEL, YOU NEVER CHECKED TO SEE IF I WAS OK WITH SOMETHING, YOU JUST ASSUMED! YOU WERE WRONG AND I HAVE ALWAYS HATED BEING HERE BECAUSE I CLEAN UP AFTER YOU CONSTANTLY, YOU ARE SO DISGUSTING AND INCONSIDERATE! MY WHOLE FREAKING LIFE I WAS CLEANING UP AFTER PEOPLE AND BEING USED AND TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF! THEN THE ONE TIME I THOUGHT I WOULD GET A BREAK, YOU HAD TO BE MY ROOMMATE! I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER BEEN ALLOWED TO SAY ANYTHING! I HAVE BEEN ALONE MY WHOLE LIFE! I HAD 2 JOBS AT 16 AND HAD TO BUY MY OWN GROCERIES FOR GOODNESS SAKES, I SAVED UP SO MUCH MONEY SO THAT I COULD GO TO THIS SCHOOL! YOU. NEVER. CARED. I DON'T CARE IF YOU CLAIM YOU DO, YOU NEVER DID!" I yelled...loud.

I was sure most the building could hear me, but I was mad. Very mad. Some of that anger came from my built up anger towards my dad, at that moment though I was too upset to feel guilty about taking everything out on her.

Noelle looked terrified. "I-Im sorry."

Then I really saw the look on her face. It looked like me whenever my dad was beating me up in the basement.

Flash backs ensued of the times I was thrown at walls, kicked in the stomach, ridiculed or punched over and over again. I calmed and looked at her with softer eyes.

My voice felt hoarse from the yelling, but I said "Apologizing without action is manipulation. I will not be manipulated by you anymore, I am going to pack my things and request a new roommate."

She sniffled, "Ok. Also, if you just showed me a picture of your boyfriend I would have stopped, or even if you brought him over. He looks scary, I know why you like him."

I had a moment of confusion until I remembered Tyler was still here. I looked at him and he had the same confused face until he looked at me and realized.