As We Fall (Blaise Zabini Fanfiction)

Chapter 26

Zoe

At dinner, I only grab a small piece of bread and a packet of butter. Despite the grand feast laid out on the table in front of me, I don't have much of an appetite. My stomach is swirling with nausea, and I'm afraid that anything I try to force down right now might come back up.

I wish I could be sitting at the Hufflepuff table with Eric, or maybe Ravenclaw with Stevie. However, this is our first feast of second term, and I'm required to sit at my house table with my fellow Slytherins.

I can't see Blaise anywhere. I've looked the entire table up and down, but there's no sign of him. With each moment that passes by, I wonder more and more where he is. Did something happen to him? Is he okay? Or is he not coming back at all this term?

As if on queue, a tall figure in dark green robes slides into an empty seat across from Goyle, almost like it'd been saved for him.

Blaise.

My heart stops for a moment in my chest.

This is the first time I've seen him since we talked -- no, rather argued -- on platform nine and three-quarters. I can't help other than to wonder what's been going through his mind. Has he been thinking about what happened between us at all? Likely not -- the last time we saw each other, I impulsively accused him of spilling my darkest secret to Julian. I'm sure he wants nothing to do with me, and I suddenly feel embarrassed for ever thinking that he did.

I pick at my bread roll a little bit, tearing tiny pieces off but not eating them. I am gazing down at my lap, trying to hide the red tint that has surely found its way onto my cheeks. I feel very alone at the Slytherin table. A few minutes pass by, and I decide to look up again. That's when Blaise and I make eye contact for the first time in weeks.

My breath catches in my throat. He's sitting a few seats down from me, but even from here, I can see that something is very, very wrong.

I feel horrified as I take in Blaise's appearance. Though his physical size hasn't changed, it seems like everything else about him has. There are prominent dark circles under his eyes, and a large pink scar on his face that appears to still be healing. What I can see of his neck and chest is covered in small cuts. He holds himself -- his shoulders, his head, everything -- with a certain tenseness that he didn't used to have. It's almost as if he's preparing to defend himself at any moment.

Worst of all is the look in his eyes. It's like when you're looking into the windows of a house, and suddenly, all of the lights turn off.

Before I can process it all, Blaise snaps his head the other way, starting a conversation with Draco Malfoy.

I feel like all the air has been knocked out of my lungs. This isn't the person who I knew before winter break -- it's someone entirely different.

Just then, Dumbledore announces that the feast has ended. Hundreds of Hogwarts students rise from their house tables and start making their way towards the common rooms, leaving me sitting silently and wondering what could've possibly happened to Blaise.

***

All I can think about that night is what Blaise went through over winter break.

He looks like a completely different person. Sure, he used to be a little unpleasant at times, but there had always been something good inside him.

Now when I look at him, it feels like something has gone wrong. He's not himself.

I sit in a plush armchair in one of the few uncrowded areas of the Slytherin common room. Everyone is up right now, chatting and giggling and catching up on everything they'd missed over the past two weeks. It seems like almost everyone is thrilled to be back at Hogwarts. The common room is a loud and lively place, filled with happiness and howling laughter.