Captain Dad Sir?!

The Compound

(I would like to point out that I mainly update this story only when I'm very sleep-deprived, which is why it's basically kinda like a crack fic??? idk

oh and I have decided that both FRIDAY and JARVIS are up and running as well as Vision and Karen is going to make an appearance.)

(A/N Sorry for not updating yesterday! Take an extra chapter as an apology?)

When Peter woke up, he was sitting behind Clint on a motorcycle.

At first he was disorientated, but then he realized he was sitting behind Clint on a motorcycle.

Yelping out in fear, he grabbed onto Clint, who chuckled.

He may or may not have blushed at feeling Clint's body move.

"Don't worry, Kiddo. I got you." Clint muttered, just loud enough for Peter to hear, though Peter doubted Clint knew that.

"G-Guys?"

"Yeah, маленький паук?"

"U-um... I-I'm like... super-human?"

Even though their bikes didn't falter, their faces showed their concern.

"How?" Steve asked. (A/N I swear, I keep typing Bucky and it is not funny)

Peter chuckled, "Long-story short, I got bit by a radioactive spider."

Clint paused, "Wait does this mean-"

Peter snickered, "Yeah..."

Clint laughed so hard he swerved, but managed to get it under control, "Your name is a fucking pun off of that?!"

"What?!" Steve yelped.

Peter blushed and hid his face in Clint's back, "I'm Spider-Man?"

Silence.

"I DROPPED A SHIPPING CONTAINER ON A KID?!"

MJ, who was between Clint and Peter and Steve and Ned, and on Natasha's bike, glared at Steve, "You did what now?"

Steve was quiet for a moment before saying, "In my defense, I didn't know he was a kid and all I knew is that he could literally stop Buck's punch, so I... listen I was in the middle of a fight, okay? I wasn't thinking clearly."

Natasha snorted, "Clint and I had a clear enough head to talk about dinner plans."

Steve glared at her, "Yeah, well I'll have you know that was the first time I've seen Buck since SHIELD went down and I was feeling kinda protective of my boyfriend."

Natasha nodded her head, "Fair."

It was then that Bucky joined them, riding along on his own motorcycle with a couple bags of stuff behind him.

Steve decided to pipe up, "Hey, Buck? You know the battle at the airport?"

Bucky nodded curiously.

"Well, you know how I dropped that shipping container on Spider-Man? Turns out our trans son is Spider-Man... I dropped a fucking shipping container on a kid."

Bucky was quiet for a moment, staring at Peter, before cursing, "I FUCKING THREW A SIGN AT HIM AND PUNCHED HIM."

Peter felt that then was the time to speak up, "To be fair, I  threw  the sign right back at you and caught your punch."

Bucky nodded, shivering, "Yeah. You are one weird kid. Freaked me out a lot."

As they reached the compound, Peter added, "Oh yeah, and Dr. Banner is my doctor. He knows about my Spider-Manning as well as Mr. Stark."

Steve raised an eyebrow at the kid, "Really?"

MJ snorted, "Yup. And don't worry. He already tried to stop this dumbass from Spider-Manning but all it did was cause Peter to go out in his old suit."

Ned nodded, "Yeah. So Mr. Stark decided to at least make Peter safe and gave him the Iron-Spider suit."

"WHY THE FUCK IS MY KID HERE SO LATE?! WHY THE FUCK IS HE INJURED?!" The one and only, Angry Irondad, exclaimed, running over to Peter, "I better get some answers right now."

Peter sniffled as Tony examined his face, "They... I  got kicked out, Mr. Stark. Nat, Clint, Bucky, and Steve picked me up."

MJ spoke up then, glaring slightly at the little Spiderling, "And this dumbass decided to jump out of his window and injure himself again."

Natasha also glared at Peter, "Yeah, and we're talking about this 'again' shit, okay Peter?"

Deciding not to address that, Tony grabbed Peter's hand and helped support him, "Bruce is waiting. You absolute dumbass. Didn't I tell you to be careful? Now I gotta deal with a..."

As Tony walked away, so did his ranting and scolding.

Natasha (A/N honestly, I really want to do just 'Nat' but I don't feel I've earned that privilege...) turned onto the two kids left, "Okay. What do you mean 'again'?"

MJ snorted,  "You think this is the only crappy foster home Peter's had? Honestly though, this only happened once before and that was with some foster father. Luckily, as far as that dick knows, Peter's dead and has been for 3 years."

Bucky froze, glancing dangerously at MJ, "What did he do to Peter?"

MJ sighed, "I don't know for sure. All I know is that he really, really hurt Peter."

"If I ever find him, он будет просить о смерти," Bucky growled.

MJ frowned, "I don't think I want to know what that means. Anyway, Fri? Can you help Ned and I get to our rooms? We always get lost."

Steve gave them a confused look, "Hold on, you've been here before?"

MJ nodded, "I'm surprised we've been here as less as we have. Peter's a dumbass, but he's our dumbass."

"I'm afraid not, MJ." FRIDAY said, her voice tight with anger.

MJ sighed, "You are upset, aren't you?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

She sighed again, "Jar?"

"Of course, MJ. Why don't you and Ned step into the elevator and I can bring you there?" JARVIS helpfully suggested, however his voice was slightly angry as well.

MJ smiled, "Thanks, Jar. I trust you'll scold Peter well, Fri. Come on, Ned."

And she was gone.

Natasha followed calmly with Bucky and Steve.

Clint already climbed through the vents to his, Natasha, and Wanda's floor.

...

Yeah, the shooting ranges got a lot of love that day.