𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐄, j. potter

── 𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲

┏━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━┓
𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐕𝐄
┗━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━┛

DECEMBER 18, 1974

Fear.

It's an emotion engraved deep within my bones. I fear a lot, perhaps too much for someone as young as I. I fear for the future. I fear for my siblings, my friends, the war looming over our heads. I fear the secrets my family name hides behind it's pristine walls, but most of all, I fear that I have allowed this feeling to take over. How unfortunate it is that this life has led me to fear fear itself.

Everything is a mess. Amara is gone with no traces to follow or lead to where she could possibly be. Samuel has allowed himself to be a puppet. He has joined our parents' side, and I am furious. How can you allow yourself to fight for the complete opposite of your beliefs, to turn your back on your morals and willingly hurt the innocent just to save your own skin? Olivia claims she understood. She said she understood the feeling of throwing everything away, including your own identity, for that small confirmation of survival. I don't understand. I refuse to. I'd rather crash and burn than be another puppet controlled by strings meant to squeeze out everything that I am only to be replaced by who I am meant to be.

If I am going to die, I will die by my own terms. I will die with my beliefs and my morals knowing that I am fighting for the side I truly believe in.

Regulus made the mistake of calling Olivia "broken" in front of me. Thinking about it now, I knew he hadn't meant it in an offending way. He was giving an observation, and I can't truly blame him. As the years passed, I knew my sister was slowly but surely losing parts of herself. She's hiding behind a facade of sarcasm and wit. I know that to those who don't know her, an air of mystery hangs around her shoulders. I know she loses a little bit of herself whenever we're forced to return to the manor. I've noticed it, how a part of her soul seems to be left imprisoned behind the manor's marble walls. And yet, I refuse to accept it. Because if Olivia is broken then that can only mean that I failed. I failed protecting her like I promised I would and I don't think I'm ready to accept that.

But somehow, I can't help but think. The same question repeating again and again in my head as soon as the words tumbled out of Regulus' mouth.

If Olivia is broken then what does that make me?

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OLIVIA IS HAVING THE WORST DAY, She quickly decided as she held onto the toilet seat, the contents of her stomach emptying.

James sighs from beside her, not knowing what else to do other than rub her back and hold her hair. She's been on the same bathroom floor for more than twenty minutes now, every time she tries to pull herself up and go out, she'd catch a whip of something that will have her running back to the toilet.

"Are you okay?" James asked as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. They're late for class, but neither was thinking of that right now.

Any other time, Olivia would have given a snarky response. Of course she's not okay! But her vision was hazy and she honestly had no energy to be sarcastic.

"I'm tired," she whimpered, leaning on the bathroom wall.

"Do you want me to carry you back to your bed?" James asked, tying her hair to a messy ponytail to try and keep it from falling to her face.