Spencer Reid Imagines

Comparisons

Your POV

To say I had some insecurities was an understatement. Confidence and self love has never been one of my strong suits. There was always something that I could do better in or feel better in. So when the team investigated a case similar to Maeve's case, my mind wandered.

Of course, I had no reason to feel this way, Spencer was in love with me. I knew it. He never failed to tell me how much he loved me over and over everyday. Maeve isn't even alive and yet here I am comparing myself to her. To her beauty, to her deep and strong connection with Spence. Sure they didn't know each other for that long, but even in their short time together, the love and care Spencer had for her was as if they'd known each other for years.

I tried to settle the stupid thoughts in my head and the bad feeling in my gut as Hotch briefed us before we flew off. Derek had mentioned something about Maeve that made Spencer tense up, his eyebrows furrowing and eyes becoming glossy.

Maeve died a couple years ago, but seeing him still get so torn about it made my heart hurt. I reached over and rubbed his shoulder softly, which he brushed off almost the moment I touched his shoulder. I flinched away and frowned, something the entire team noticed and gave me a small nod, understanding the situation.

"Alright, Sarah Tomlin has been missing for 12 hours. Let's not waste anymore time, wheels up in thirty." Hotch nodded.

I was the first one out of my seat, I ran to my desk and grabbed my bag before running to the private ladies room and locking the door. I looked at myself in the large mirror and sighed.

"You're never going to be good enough." I spat at myself in the mirror, I was disgusted with myself. "Spencer is never going to love you like he loved Maeve." A part of my brain was telling me that's not true. But how could it not be? Maeve was beautiful, and quirky and smart! How she was smart, one of Spencer's favorite things about her, a quality I definitely didn't own.

I splashed some water in my face and looked at myself once more. My eyes were slightly red but nothing too noticeable. I sighed and nodded. Wheels up. I opened the door to be greeted by Emily and JJ.

"Y/N..." Emily said softly. I sighed and pushed past them, headed towards the door.

"I don't want to talk about it.." I called behind me. They grabbed my arm and pulled me to as stop.

"Y/N, we obviously know something's wrong. And we also know that it's about Maeve. So spill. It'll help you feel better." JJ pushed. She was right.

"I don't know.. It's stupid." I started. They looked at me, urging me to continue. "Maeve was perfect for Spencer, she's everything Spencer wants in a girl. She's was gorgeous, she loved books, she was charming and quirky and incredibly smart. She was like Spencer's first true love. And I know if she was still alive today, or if she walked in through those doors right now, he would leave me for her." I sighed. JJ and Emily looked at me with sadness.

"That's not true! We all know Spencer loves you so much, so much more than he ever loved Maeve. You are everything he wants in a girl, he tells us all the time how incredibly lucky he is to have you." JJ started. I sighed, I knew she was right of course he loved me. But something just didn't sit well with me.

"She's right." I whipped my head around to see Spencer leaning against the wall, his Go bag draped over his shoulder. "I am incredibly lucky to call you mine and am so so so blessed that you love me too." JJ and Emily took that as their cue to leave.

"Y/N.. why would you think those things?" Spencer slowly walked towards me, taking my hands into his own.

"I.. I don't know, Spence.. I just see the way you get whenever someone talks about Maeve or even says her name. Then my mind just wanders off and it's a downward rabbit hole." I shrugged.

"I love you, Lovebug. Nobody else. I get torn about Maeve because I watched her die, when I could've done something to help her. I always felt like it was my fault. I don't tense up because I'm still in love with her. I tense up because I feel guilty. Y/N, you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen. You are everything I could ever dream of in a partner and I hope you believe me when I say that. Maeve could walk into those doors right now and I'd go up to her with your hand in mine and introduce her to my amazing girlfriend." Spencer smiled at me. "It's you, Y/N.. It's always been you."

The smile on my face was wide and I'm sure I was red from blushing so hard.

"I love you Spence." I wrapped my arms around him, his wrapping around me as well.

"I love you more." He whispered and planted a kiss on my head.

A/N: Hello everyone! I'm back!! I am still accepting requests for Imagines/One shots so please feel free to leave me a message! Leave a comment with some feedback or if you have any future imagines you want to see! I'd love to hear from you guys.