❥ heart of gold ➛Van Dijk

¹⁷ | i walk the line

I justed wanted to add that I'll change two matches - the arsenal and manutd ones I need to swap because the utd one needs to happen after Christmas in this story because it may have the biggest outturn / impact on the relation of Marly and Virgil ! X

warning: mature theme / graphic topic

___________________________

The following days, I didn't feel good. In fact, I felt like it would get worse and worse every day.

I was sad the whole time, and I had enough reasons for it. I just felt sick about everything and the dreams that reoccurred didn't help either.

Perrie and Ox were cheering me up a bit indirectly, we've stayed in contact via text messages and I had to smile at some convos.

On my couch, I scrolled through Instagram on my phone and I received another direct message.

Memphis: you are so gorgeous

Memphis: been thinking about it a while and i think you'd be very fitting for a music video of mine. interested, belle?

What? A music video?

Marly: didn't know you were doing music

Memphis: you should know ;)

Memphis: pls think about it you'd be perfectly fitting

Marly: memphis, i'm a doctor, not an instagram model for music videos, i'm sorry

Memphis: so humble, makes you even more special and attractive

I decided not to answer. I felt uncomfortable by the way he fought for my attention.

I closed the tab and decided to go on google instead. I hesitated before I typed in the symptoms I was showing the other day when I was at home alone.

Out of breath, panic, blacking out, can't breathe

I listed all the symptoms and my hand was shaking in fear what it would say when I pressed the enter button.

My eyes widened when the search engine showed me the results.

Panic attack

Panic attack and anxiety - shortness of breath

I clicked on a Wikipedia article to see if the symptoms really matched.

Panic attack

Period of intense fear of sudden onset

Panic attacks are sudden periods of intense fear that may include palpitations, sweating, shaking, shortness of breath, numbness, or a feeling that something bad is going to happen.

Oh my god. That was exactly what I remembered. Tears welled up in my eyes.

The maximum degree of symptoms occurs within minutes. Typically they last for about 30 minutes but the duration can vary from seconds to hours. There may be a fear of losing control or chest pain. Panic attacks themselves are not typically dangerous physically.

Panic attacks can occur due to a number of disorders including panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, drug use disorder, depression, and medical problems. They can either be triggered or occur unexpectedly.

I gulped and brushes my tears away.
My hands were shaking right now.
I felt weak. Embarrassed. I'm a grown up and have anxiety attacks. I can't tell anybody or else they'll laugh at me.
But it was so scary. I don't want it to happen again.