Rats. //Richie X Eddie oneshots

{Cooking}

'Richie! Put me down!' I squeal hitting his face, he laughs dropping me. 'Fine, fine.' Maggie chucks a towel at Richie. 'Richard, I can smell you from here. For the love of god SHOWER.' I nod quickly. 'Shower! I'm begging you!' He rolls his eyes. 'Fine, fine.' He walks off as Maggie hums. 'Would you like to help out Eds? Making pie for desert.' I shake my head quickly. 'Mum says I'm not allowed near a stove.' 

She looks at me confused. 'How are you going to do in college? You're 15?' I nod rubbing my hands. 'Tried to make noodles once, she got mad.' She sighs. 'Eddie, would you like to learn how to cook?' I nod kicking my feet around. 'Yeah.' 

She nudges her head handing me an apron. 'Come on then.' I grin grabbing it chucking it on! Finally learning how to cook! I smile jumping up and down. 'Alright! So what do I do first?' She hum. 'Set the stove with this little dial to setting number 6, put this pan full of water on it and then wait for it to boil.' I nod quickly following her instructions, we go through as I start chopping up the vegetables, I hear something drop as I turn around to see Richie in a towel and one on the floor from him drying his hair.

I ask. 'What?' He stammers. 'What's cooking, good looking?' I roll my eyes. 'I literally have a knife dumbass.' Maggie nods. 'Before you were born your dad interrupted me while cooking, I thought he wasn't home. He still has the scar on his hand.' Richie chokes. 'His weird vagina looking scar?!' I blubber. 'What?! How do you know what a vagina looks like?!' 

Maggie nodded. 'Yeah, Richard!' He shrugs. 'I'm a teenager, I have needs!' Maggie rolls her eyes whispering in my ear. '$10, I bet he's gay.' I nod. 'Same.' She raises an eyebrow. 'What time?' I hum. 'This year!' She shakes her head. 'College! He'll be dating some theatre major! Or nursing!' I raise an eyebrow. 'I want to do nursing.' She nods. 'Exactly.' 

I shake my head as something touches my ass, I turn around quickly holding the knife up. 'I will cut you!' Richie puts his hands up. 'Your ass is blocking the cups!' I roll my eyes. 'Get some pants before a drink!' He shakes his head. 'I need water anus.' I move as I hear SOMEONE mutter. 'I wasn't asking you to move.' I sigh chucking the pasta into the pot, he asks. 'What are you two cooking?'

Maggie answers. 'Pasta.' He nods. 'I forgot we're white.' She corrects cutting up some more stuff. 'Italiano, stupido.' He sighs. 'Just cause you add an "o" doesn't make it Italian.' She sighs. 'Chi è cresciuto a Roma, Richard?' (Who grew up in Rome, Richard?) He just walks upstairs as I laugh. 'You have to teach me that!' She smiles. 'To shut Richie up or speaking Italian?' I answer. 'Both, how do you say "beep beep Richie"?' She laughs. 'Bip Bip Richie.' I nod as I hear. 'Eds, did you make cake and shove it in your pants.-' I cut him off. 'Bip bip Richie.' He groans. 'Mum! Why would you?!' 

That night started it all, every Wednesday I go over to Richies to "study" when in reality we're cooking with his mum. And she teaches me Italian, I love her! I ask. 'So, then do I use eggs?' She nods as Richie winks. 'I'll cover you in.-' I cut him off. 'Ti taglierò!' (I will cut you!) He puts his hands up. 'Alright, alright...' She smiles a little. 'Richie stop annoying him, you're acting like a married couple.' I shake my head rubbing the dough. 'No, we're never going to even kiss.' He whispers in my ear-grabbing my waist resting his head on my shoulder. 'But we...' I slap his face with the back of my hand. 'I have pepper spray on me at all times.' He lets me go. 'Alright alright, you know who isn't a virgin, mum?'

She chokes. 'Eddie! Who did you sleep with?!' I answer. 'It doesn't matter.' She smiles. 'I'm not your mum Eddie, you can actually talk to me.' I cringe. 'It doesn't matter!' She chokes having a literal asthma attack. 'Wait?! Was it Richie?!' Richie smiles patting my back. 'You can only steal my mum if you marry me.' I groan. 'Dude, we're friends! Why are you telling your mum?!' I groan. 'You guys all set?! Cool! I'm uh going to uh! Do homework!' I grab my bag walking outside to get home.

I feel someone grip my arm as I weep. 'Richie please stop.' He grabs me hugging me. 'She's known for ages...she just knew that if she didn't play it off you'd actually kill me.' I cry into his chest. 'We're just friends though! So why would you tell her?!' He sighs rubbing my back. 'Eddie, I like you. A lot. And not in a friendship way.' 

I look up at him confused. 'Wait rally?' He nods sucking in his lips. 'Yep and I get if.-' I cut him off pecking his lips. I pull back smiling. 'So uh...' He just whispers. 'Dude, I know how to sneak back up into my room, so we don't get questioned.' 

I nod quickly as we have to climb up the fucking tree and walk into his window which is thankfully unlocked. I jump off the window sill but sadly a little too loud, he looks at me, eyes wide, doing hand signals. The door opens as Maggie nods. 'Richie, are you and your boyfriend aright?' Richie nods looking back at me. 'Yep! We're good, bye mum!' He quickly shuts and locks his door. 'Wanna like...cuddle or something?'

{A/N: Fun fact about me, I studied Italian for 7 years at school, was in all the Italian extra-curricula clubs like Italian flag-waving and Italian Choir, spoke FLUENTLY with my grandmother who was born and raised IN ITALY, am dating a man whose mother is from Italy and then a couple of years ago I forgot it all during one summer break(: So...any tips on how to learn Italian...I want to get in on that coochie(;}