mental illness » peterick

0.4

warning: suicide, death, and alcohol mentions
-
11:35

I made my way to Tyler's office.

I was a bit scared because Tyler seemed a bit intimidating.

"Patrick?"

"That's me." I said with a nervous smile.

"Take a seat." He said, not looking up from his notepad.

I did as he said.

"When's the last time you felt suicidal?" He asked, actually looking up at me this time.

Right now actually.

"Towards the end of June." I answered.

-

Most of this period was just Tyler's asking me questions and writing in his damn notebook.

I think he was trying to get to know me better or something.

-
12:20

It was time for our group session now.

I figured this period would be more fun for me because I'd see Gerard, Mikey, and Frank.

I walked in the room eager to sit with them.

"Hey." I said, as I took a seat next to Mikey.

"We're gonna play another game!" Debby exclaimed.

"Debby, do you fail to realize that we are 14-17? Not 5." Ryan said.

I few giggles were heard throughout the room.

"Well, I thought you guys would like games.." Debby said, obviously her feelings we're hurt.

"Don't you think you'd be better off at a summer camp rather than a depression camp?" Ryan said.

"No need to be so rude, Ryan. We're gonna play a game and you'll just have to deal with it." Josh said.

"Sorry." Ryan muttered.

I somewhat agreed with Ryan.

But Debby happened to be the nicest counselor to me and I really liked her.

Debby cleared her throat.

"Anyway, we're gonna start with Lindsey. You have to say how your problem started." She said.

"Oh okay," Lindsey started. "Well, when I started high school all the girls there were pretty skinny. Most of my friends were in a 90 pound range. While I was like 105 pounds."

"That's a healthy weight for a girl you're age, y'know." Tyler added.

"I don't care if that was a healthy weight. Everyone was so perfect and skinny. And I had fucking thunder thighs. So I began to starve myself. And occasionally if I got hungry I'd eat, then throw up in the girls bathroom."

"May I say something, Lindsey?" Gerard interrupted.

"Uh, yeah sure."

"I know we haven't talked a lot or whatever, but I think you're absolutely beautiful. And just like Tyler said 105 is a perfectly healthy weight. I mean who even cares what the other girls look like? You're gorgeous just the way you are." He said.

Everyone was silent.

"Aww!" Debby said breaking the silence. She immediately cover her mouth after.

Lindsey couldn't do anything but smile and blush.

"Thank you so much." She said.

"What a softie." Frank said.

"Don't get jealous." Mikey laughed.

After Lindsey was Hayley's turn.

"I guess you can say that when I was a freshmen, guys sort of found me attractive. They liked to get me drunk at parties and eventually I loved that feeling. I was almost addicted to it." Hayley said, looking a bit ashamed.

"If you keep drinking, eventually your liver will fail." Debby said.

"I-I just need something to numb me for a while." Hayley replied.

"You should find a hobby! Just do something to keep your mind off things. You're so young and you've got a lot to live for. I don't want you to mess it up early." Tyler said.

I was starting to really like this group talk, I think everyone really helped each other in a way.

My hands started to shake because it was my turn now.

"There was this person who always used to bother me. Always. He'd tell me i'm useless and fat and all these other horrible things." My voice was starting to get shaky and before I knew it i felt some tears roll down my cheeks. I wiped them away quickly hoping no one noticed. "I started to believe him. Everything was just getting worse. I th-thought no one cared about me. I didn't have any friends at all. I was so lonely. I had no one to talk to. N-not even my parents. One day things got so bad that I drank bleach. The most upsetting thing was that, I didn't die. I wish I had died." Before I knew it I was full on sobbing.

"I wish I died, I wish I died." I repeated. "Everything w-would have been so much easier."

-

sorry that it took me so long to update but aYY i updated now

i guess this chapter was a little bit longer than the others and i'm actually proud of myself lol anyway i hope u guys like it
<33

a