mental illness » peterick

0.5

im not proud of this chapter, it wasn't my best sorry

a

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I didn't mean to cry. I just hadn't really talked to someone about my suicide attempts.
I buried my face in my hands for a while.

"Patrick, do you want to go outside?" Josh asked.

I nodded.

Everyone probably thought I was crazy now.

She accompanied me out of the room.

"Patrick.." He trailed off.

"So many people care about you. What if you died? How do you think your parents would feel? They'd be crushed. Patrick, you are stronger than this. Look me in the eye and promise me that you'll never try to kill yourself again."

I looked down and bit my lip.

I don't think I could promise him that.

"Please." Josh said, his voice cracking a little.

I looked up at him, he looked like he was going to cry.

I sighed and looked Josh in the eye.

"I promise."

He pulled me in for a hug and ruffled my hair.

"You're very strong, Patrick Stump."

I smiled in response.

"Think you're ready to go back inside?" He asked.

"Yeah, sure." I said.

I walked inside looking down at the floor as I made my way back to my seat.

Mikey nudged me.

"You okay, dude?"

"Mhm." I nodded.

"You want to continue?" Tyler asked.

Debby slapped his arm.

"Jesus Tyler, he just got finished crying and you want him to continue?!"

"I-it's okay, I'll continue."

I cleared my throat.

"After the bleach drinking, I stayed at the hospital for at least 3 days. When I finally came back to school, everyone was giving me weird looks. Even a couple people asked if I was okay. Which was unusual because no one ever talks to me or even looks at me twice. That day actually went well. Actually everything went well for me until February. I was walking home, just like any other day and pulled me into some ally. Nearly half of the school was there with their phones out. He beat me up so bad that day. Until I passed out. I was wondering what I even did to deserve this. I never did anything to him. He just always seemed to pick on me. And only me. I came home bruised and bloody and I just felt so done. And I just wanted to end it. So I jumped out of my bedroom window. And that was a flop. Nothing happened, I kinda just twisted my ankle. It was easy to hide from my parents. After that humiliating attemp, things were good for a while. Actually a girl had started talking to me."

I stopped and looked up for a second to see if anyone was listening because I was pretty much rambling on.

Everyone actually looked intrigued.

"Keep going." Frank said.

"This girl.. we talked everyday. She was my only friend. Around the end of May, she asked me out. I was so surprised. It was almost too good to be true. I said yes of course. She never showed up. I waited at least 3 hours for her and she never came. The next day I was looking around for her. Then I saw her and my bully holding hands. I asked her why she never showed up and she just laughed and said 'you really thought someone liked you? you're so pathetic, you should just kill yourself.' I stormed away from them & went home. It kinda sounds really stupid now. I cried a lot. Next I went in my garage and got some rope. I went on Google and learned how to tie a noose. As soon as I thought I was ready i put my head through the noose, my mom walked in. It was because she heard i left school. So my parents figured I was fucked up in the head and now im here."

"I imagine telling us all that was hard. Thanks for sharing, Patrick. You're a very strong person." Tyler said.

Everyone clapped even though I was confused to why they were clapping but i just smiled and said thank you.