fLic_KeR

dysphoria

so im genderfluid

and i hate it

its so confusing to me and probably everyone around me. they probably think im some sort of freak or attention seeking weirdo, and if they dont then they probably feel awkward around me bc they dont know what pronouns to call me by

i feel bad

i have so much internalized transphobia towards myself

like when i feel masculine or non binary, my brain just tells me that im faking it and that even though i might think i look masculine, everyone thinks of me and sees me as a girl, and just shit like that

i just hate that im like this

it would honestly be so much easier to actually be trans, like ftm or non binary, or even cis

then i might feel valid as a person.

i dont even know if i have the right to call myself trans, because i do feel comfortable being referred to as a girl at times, but then other times not

and im not saying that other genderqueer or genderfluid folk or whatever arent valid, im just saying thats how i feel towards myself

and its annoying too because i still get really dysphoric about things such as my chest, thighs and legs, hips, stomach, jawline, shoulders and voice and shit, but then other times it just doesnt bother me

i just wish i could be anything but me