Cuts and Healing

Epilogue

"Ang ganda" narinig kong bulong ni Ara habang kumukuha ng pictures gamit ang phone niya

Tiningnan ko ang araw na unti-unting lumalabas sa dagat ng mga ulap, sumisimbolo ng panibong araw

Inilabas ko ang notebook ko kung saan ko sinulat ang bucket list ni Scar at nilagyan ng check mark ang hiking. Dalawang taon na siyang wala. Dalawang taon ko na ding ginagawa ang mga bagay na gusto niya noong gawin

After he died, pinangako ko na ako ang tutupad sa mga gusto niyang gawin. I want to fulfill his wishes and dreams. Feeling ko kasi pag ginagawa ko ang mga 'to, napapalapit ako sa kanya

My heart felt heavy. Habang pinapanood ko ang araw na unti unting lumilitaw, unti-unti ding tumulo ang mga luha ko. I miss him

Nakita ako ni Ara'ng umiiyak kaya lumapit siya sakin at hinaplos ang likod ko. She's been with me through everything. Pati dito sa pinaggagagawa kong bucket list sinasamahan niya ako

Everything is easier with her by my side

I lived my life the way he wanted to. Hinahanap ko pa ang purpose ng buhay ko pero so far ok naman ako. Kinaya ko noon, kakayanin ko din ngayon

"I'm proud of you" ngiti ni Ara sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung nagiging mabuting kaibigan pa ba ako sa kanya kasi parang wala naman akong naiaambag sa buhay niya

"Ayokong maging korny pero thank you. Thank you kasi lagi kang nandyan para sakin kahit wala akong naitutulong sayo"

One that I learned from Scar is that, kapag may gusto kang sabihin sa isang tao, sabihin mo agad kasi hindi natin alam kung makakasama pa natin sila kinabukasan. Ayoko na ulit mangyari yung ganon. Ayokong magsisi

Pagkalibing ni Scar, umalis na din ako sa ospital. Tumira ako sa bahay kasama ni Ta. The place was so lonely that I didn't even wanna call it "home".

Everyday was a struggle. Looking back, I really did struggle a lot. Hindi ako masyadong kumakain, umiiyak lang ako sa gabi, tapos wala akong gustong gawin until sinermunan ako ni Ara.

I took one step at a time. Hindi naman kasi madaling magmove on. Hindi madaling mawalan ng taong mahalaga sa'yo.

"Baby steps" sabi noon ni Ara sakin habang namamasyal kami sa Baguio. Gusto din kasing puntahan ni Scar dito

"Baby steps" sagot ko

Hindi mahalaga kung baby steps muna ang kaya ko. Ang mahalaga, umuusad ako. Ang mahalaga, hindi ako stagnant. Hindi madali. Walang madali

The reason why people remain in darkness is because they're so used to living there. Minsan takot sila sa pagbabago. I don't want to live like that anymore. Hindi naman ako magiging masaya pag nanatili ako don. We are responsible with our own happiness. Wag tayong manisi ng iba

"Graduate na tayo" Viya sobbed

We've been through hell but here we are now, crying because of our diplomas. Time flew, and we never stopped chasing our dreams. Pag gusto talaga magagawan ng paraan

"Naka graduate ako with one brain cell. I can't believe this" napailing si Reina

I am proud of myself and what I've become. Hinding hindi ko makakalimutan ang taong nagbigay sakin ng rason para mabuhay. Maybe I was living for him before but now, I can finally say that I'm now living for myself.

I still think about him from time to time but not like what I used to anymore. I don't cry like I used to anymore. I still love him, of course. Hindi na siguro mawawala yung pagmamahal na yon pero I learned how to accept things and to leave every hurt behind

I'm keeping every lessons he taught me. I still read the notebook he gave me. He's still the best thing that happened to me. He's my Scar that will never be erased. And someday, if given a chance, if we'll meet again, I'll say everything I didn't say

I promise to save some of my words for only him

I've known pain, and I've known happiness. Where I am now is the product of my choices. I will never stop chasing happiness. And if ever man na masaktan ulit ako at masugatan, I'll remember what he taught me. That in order for me to heal, I have to endure the pain. After naman ng sakit ay ang mas malakas na ako. At kakayanin ko lahat. Because I still have these people beside me who didn't gave up on me. Nandito sila para iremind ako palagi. Sila ang nagbabalik sa akin sa riyalidad tuwing napupunta ako sa gubat ng madilim kong nakaraan

"Engineer ka na" ta wiped her tears

Engineer na ako. I can't believe this! Ito na ang bunga ng mga pagpupuyat ko gabi gabi para magreview

It's also Scar's birthday today. Paggising ko kaninang umaga, I went to visit him. Nagkuwento ako sa kanya. Inalala ko lahat ng mga nangyari noong buhay pa siya and I felt so happy

"I'm so happy" I hugged her. Sobrang puno ng saya ang puso ko ngayon

I finally made it

"Alam kong proud sila sayo" Ta whispered while we're still hugging. She's talking about my parents and Scar

"I know" I answered her

Lahat tayo may mga ups and downs sa buhay. Choice natin kung mananatili tayo kung nasaan man tayo. It's our choice to move forward and heal

Let's not remain what or where we are. Our past doesn't need us. Our present does

Magkakaroon man tayo ng peklat dahil sa mga malalalim na sugat natin, ang mahalaga, naghihilom tayo