The Diary of a 21st Century Hipster

Sunday... Of next week.

*Yawns massively* my excuse for not writing all week (so sorry), is me being so sleepy. My bed is just so seductive. I can't help sleeping with it.

There have been two new kids this week! One of them is 14. He was held back in grade 1 because he didn't speak English very well. (Me fail English? That's unpossible!)

He already got with Hayden's crowd. The hockey douches. His name is Ryan Ericsson. He's alright. I've talked to him a few times.

The new girl on the other hand is awesome. Her name is Kaya Adams. She's so awesome. She has Tumblr. When we heard there was a new girl, SP, Ruby, And most of the other girls in my class prettied themselves up. It was awesome. I couldn't decide between red lipstick, burgundy, and a purpley gloss. Wow I just said that. Wow.

So I was totally weird around her. But because she has tumblr, she immediately associated me with her inner fangirl.

Right now I'm sitting on the couch with Simon and Stella. Stella is a bitch. I'm just gonna say it. Simon is cool but he's obsessed with my boobs, which is totally weird. He's obsessed with the keyboard as well. He plays Ode to joy on it all the time and does it one key at a time, as fast as he can. It doesn't even sound like a piano, it's so annoying.

Right now Stella is writing in her diary. And by diary, I mean the book she draws pictures of herself and her crush in. I don't know who it is, she won't tell us. Every time we ask, she glares at us and my mom gets mad at us.

Were also watching an awesome Tv show right now. Go watch Brooklyn nine-nine right now. It's awesome.

Now I don't know about you guys, but my mother always thinks that if I have my phone with me at night, I'm gonna look at "inappropriate content" (her words). I have my phone now with me, and I'm being extra attentive to the noises I hear. (This paragraph is actually being written about 3 hours after the last one).

After an incident last year, my mom put spyware in my phone and shitty laptop so she can monitor what I'm doing. She wouldn't let me go anywhere, and banned me from hanging out with Hero, Ruby, and Brandon (a kid whom I used to date, broke up with because he stole a lot of stuff from Walmart, and carried sex toys in his backpack, even though he didn't use them). Simon noticed a chain of condoms coming out of his bag and immediately told my mom.

The spyware is still in my phone, but my mother trusts me. And I trust her not to look through it. And she doesn't.
If you are wondering what "the incident" is, I'll tell you. I got caught looking at sexy fan art, sexy fan fictions, sexy audio files, and sexy role playing. I was 12 at the time, and my mom freaked yelled at me so much, I was hyperventilating on the table and passed out. My dad tried to calm her, but he was hardly any help.

My parents have been divorced since I was 3. They're friends now, but my dad lets me get away with much more than my mother does. She knows it. I'm sure of it. But she doesn't know that I watch South Park (a very, very inappropriate tv show). I feel like this is the case for a a lot of people. Easy going Dad, over protective Mother. I often call her Mummy Dearest. My dad tells me to. Haha.

I have to send in my High school application soon. I don't think I've mentioned my grade before. I'm in the eighth grade. I have to basically decide my fate. Seriously. My high school courses lead to college which leads to life. I wanna be either a Therapist, Cop, or Video Game designer. If you've seen my artwork (the eye, in a past chapter), you would know I am a wicked good artist. I would do some art stuff for money. Most of my family is musical, I play the sexy saxophone but it won't be part of my career. Stella wants to be a singer, I know that. That's another musical addition to the pack. My mom was a singer before she had me, my dad was and still is a piano player/singer in his own band. My uncle plays upright base, my step dad plays trumpet.

I think I'm gonna be a therapist. But I also love debate and justice and shit. I might be a lawyer. But I have shitty grades. I failed science last year and I'm not off to a good start this year. My math is pretty bad and my French is literally the worst thing ever. My teacher is the worst human. The worst human. Nobody likes her because she is the worst human. Not to mention she's so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas (damn (; I'm good.)

Oh my god I can't stop thinking about Hayden!!! He's so hot oh my lord. OMFG so sexy. Do he got da booty? He dooooooo!!!! Holy shit so hot. Oh lawdy yes. He will me mine. His body will be mine. And only mine. GRRR I just wanna sit on his lap all day. But a bow on my head with a Christmas card attached saying To Gods greatest creation from this sexy beast. HAWWT DAYYUMMM!!!!!

Whoa. Sorry there. My pelvis just left my body due to seizures and system overload. Imagine you're computer crashing but it's your own pelvis. That's what happened. My pelvis has some problems when I see Hayden. I just become a pile of pudding on the ground. It sucks. There's a Christmas dance coming up and I hope he dances with me but I know he won't.

If anybody sees a red headed, Ringlet haired girl in hipster glasses and a plaid shirt fluttering to the ground in shock, please return to Dirk Kretz. I should just have a shirt saying that. Yeah I'm gonna make one. Sweet.

I have to go now sweeties <3 <3

Love always,
Yvonne.