The Pain Made Me Strong ~ Levi x Reader

Chapter 39

Y/n’s POV-

     I sat Eren down on his bed down in the basement, his hands shook with confusion, his mind raced in every direction, which created an air of chaos that flew through the room as we sat. Eren finally took a few deep breaths and looked up to me.

     “Why didn’t you tell me? Y/n, you knew this whole time that Marco was gone and you never told me...why?” Eren asked, hurt laced tightly in his words.

     I let my hands travel to his and rested mine on top of them, “Eren I… I know it was selfish, but I have been trying to deal with his death myself and didn’t know how to tell you without bringing up all those memories, all the pain. I just didn’t want all that to resurface, and by not telling you I could run away. 

     No time ever felt like the right time. You are going through so much with the shifting. Walls, Eren… I’m so, so sorry,” I took a long pause, looking down at my lap before returning my eyes to Eren’s, “But I’m here for you, I’m here for you to lean on.”

     He let out a sigh, a single clear tear streaming down his cheek, “I just wish I had known before saying that out there. Wish I hadn’t been so ignorant to believe that it was impossible someone like Marco could go. And most of all, I know how close you were with him, I wish you had told me so I could have been there for you too.”

     “I know Eren, I know,” I let my hand carefully run over his back, fingers brushing over his stiff spine, “you were at the court though, and I didn’t know what to do. Levi ended up finding me and after that night I just wanted to ignore it all.”

     Eren wiped at his tear and leaned in to wrap his arms around me. I hesitantly relaxed into the hug, wrapping my arms around him too, “Why him? He had a heart of gold. No one could argue with that… This world is so cruel.”

     “Yes, it is,” I added.

     “But at least I have you, and Mikasa, and Armin. At least we all have each other. I can’t imagine losing any of you guys.”

     “You won’t, we will all protect each other. No matter what.”

     Eren pulled away from the hug, taking deep breaths, “We should probably get out to the training field, Hanji has some more experiments for me.”

     I stood up and nodded, quickly sniffling my runny nose from my nearly tear jerking conversation with Eren. We walked slowly out to where Hanji was, to our right was Levi and the rest of the squad beginning training for the day. I sighed and shook my head, wishing to be over with them.

     Maybe Eren’s experiments will get my mind off everything anyways. I just don’t want to have to face Jean again, as much as I love the guy, it seems like things would have been easier had he went to the Military Police. When I looked in his eyes earlier, it was like all the memories of Marco and finding him came rushing back.

     Even now, Jean’s eyes hold so much pain that he is trying to mask, and I will have to face that pain every time I see him. I am one of the only people he will open up to and be vulnerable with though, so maybe it’s better this way. That way he isn’t bottling everything up. It’s so much easier to just run though.

     After a while of nonsense from Hanji and more of my needless mind wandering, Eren finally attempted to transform with Hanji. He had a goal, he needed to uproot a small tree on the edge of the forest so we could chop it for wood. Eren dramatically bit his hand and, to our amazement, his body transformed in the blink of an eye and a flash of lightning. 

     The sound could be heard from anywhere on the grounds, his roar, and steam were felt for a mile in all directions, causing my hair to fly behind me. We were all silent as Eren began to move, he seemed to have a sense of his surroundings and his goal. Unlike the time in Trost, he had more conscious control over himself.