The Pain Made Me Strong ~ Levi x Reader

Chapter 52

A/N: Broskis sorry for making you wait literally over 7 months for this, a sis got writers block AND a busy ass schedule, but look who's all applied for college and ready to write more for you 😎

Y/n's POV:

     I felt gentle hands shaking my sleeping body awake, I could still feel my body pressed up against and being cradled by Levi. “Y/n. Y/n we are here, you should probably eat something before you actually go to sleep.” I heard Levi whisper lightly to me.

     My eyes blinked open and I was suddenly grateful for being forced to sleep the past hour and a half, because I definitely wouldn’t have had the energy to do anything right now had I not. I finally woke up enough to look around and saw that everyone had already left the carriage, probably because it was now pretty late.

     It was just Levi and I left and I hesitantly moved out of his warm, protective hold so that I could stand up. I nodded at him to show that I had heard his previous statement and climbed out of the carriage, stretching a bit as I did so. Levi climbed out behind me with a strange look on his face.

     The look was nearly unreadable and concerned me a little, “What’s wrong?”

     “Nothing Y/n, it’s just hard to imagine that just a few hours ago I thought you weren’t coming back.”

     I took a step towards him and grabbed his hands, a small reassuring smile on my face, “Well, I’m here, and I am never leaving you again.”

     There was silence and Levi looked a little unconvinced, but he gave me a bittersweet smile nonetheless. He ushered for us to go get a quick dinner, so I followed him to the kitchen. We grabbed some bread and heated up some porridge before quickly sitting and eating it.

     The silence between us wasn’t exactly awkward, but it wasn’t our usual silence. There was hesitation, and I guess that was my fault, I still hadn’t properly apologized for what I did. I guess I still really didn’t want to come to terms with how much I must have broken Levi while I was gone. I left without saying anything, and now I was here and didn’t want to say anything.

     I knew at some point Levi and I would have to talk about what happened, come to terms with how selfish I was and still am being, and hopefully go back to the way things were between us, before I had decided to leave him. That point wasn’t right now though, I still didn’t want to accept it all.

     A lot of people say ignorance is bliss, and I would say they are right in some ways. In reality you can’t live in ignorance though, that is what causes problems; but for now, in this moment while I eat my quickly cooling, bland food in a quiet kitchen, I want to embrace that ignorance as a safety net a little longer before it all comes crashing down on me. 

     We quickly finished eating and decided to get to bed, we both clearly needed the sleep, awaiting getting to hold each other close since the expedition. I was reminded of our conversation on the way back from the expedition, we were both so hopeful. 

     Levi led us to his office on our way to his adjoining bedroom and I froze. I froze as soon as we entered. I felt that safety net in my head get ripped open. 

     My breath hitched and became prominent and shaky, fighting for dominance with the sounds of Levi’s boots on the ground. He stopped and turned to look at me, my breath now the only noise in the silent room.

     “Why did you stop?” he asked.

     My eyes kept surveying the room around me, things were out of place from where they were, the bookcase wasn’t fully pressed flush with the wall. The bookcase itself had scratches and dings all along its edges and had a few glass items missing from its shelves. Levi’s desk had one stack of messily put together papers, contrasting with its usual four to five different organized stacks.