Hermitcraft Randomness - S7 Oneshots

Entering The Hermittpad Community Like

(WC: 713
Category: Script/skit, humor
Ship type: None
Warnings: Suggestive topics?

Wowie, a heck ton of people wanted this. This oneshot is in script form (think movie/play) and is inspired by ColeyDoesThings' "Entering The Fandom Like" series. I would recommend watching one of her videos first before you read this.

Also, save for the protagonist, every character's name will be what is written on the sticky note on their head. This was really fun to write in this form, I might do something like this again.)

(Our protagonist stands in front of a closed door. A piece of paper taped to it reads Hermittpad in a messy scrawl. Hermitgang can distantly be heard from behind the door.)

Protagonist: (Reads paper.) Hermittpad? That's, like, the Wattpad community for Hermitcraft, right?

(They consider their options.)

Protagonist: Well, I hope it's not like Hermitblr. Wattpad communities aren't exactly known for being tame.

(They open the door and immediately get slapped.)

DOWN WITH THE GREMLIN: VIVA LA GRIANLUTION, BIT--

Hermit babies!!: All the Hermits are special in their own way and are all equal and you are not allowed to judge any of them!

Underrated Hermits!: Yeah, but give some love to the underrated ones as well!

CRACKFICS: Okay, imagine Zed, but he loses his memory somehow and calls himself John. Or Bdubs summoning soup demons! Or Hermitcraft as an anime!

Veteran: Oh, boy, how this place has changed. I remember the good old days where you could find every since Hermitcraft fic here in a single search.

I LOVE ALL OF Y'ALL: HERMITTPAD IS ONE OF THE BEST PLACES ON THE INTERNET! There are so many talented writers and artists, not to mention all the communities within the communities that make this place so layered and diverse!

Discord hellspawn: Don't forget about us!

Hermit babies!! There is no way we could forget you.

Discord hellspawn: Aw, you're too nice.

Hermit babies!!: No, you literally barged into this room blasting Hermitgang at full volume, screaming about Wormits. No one's in a rush to forget that.

Protagonist: Wow...all this came from a group of people playing Minecraft?

HERMITCRAFT IS MY LIFEBLOOD AND SOUL: (From the floor.) This isn't a group of people playing Minecraft, it's art.

Angst writers: (Holding a journal and scribbling furiously.) There is so much potential for angst in this fandom! Like, Grian's backstory with Evo, the game of Demise in general, the Civil War, not to mention all the OOC prompts--

Fluff writers: Haven't you guys written enough sad stories for a while? Why not take a break and write some wholesome ship fluff?

Sobbing readers: (Crying on a yoga ball.) pleASE.

Angst writers: (Seems to consider it, then shakes their head.) Why write fluffy ships when you can have angsty ships?

Protagonist: Ships? You guys write ships?

Shippers: (Scoffs.) "Do we write ships"? Ships are one of the cornerstones of Hermittpad. We live for them!

Protagonist: There's no discourse over ships? Like, no huge arguments over whether or not we should ship the Hermits? Everyone's okay with it?

I LOVE ALL OF Y'ALL: Well, there are some people who don't ship the Hermits. We respect their decision and they respect ours. For the most part, we avoid discourse over this kind of stuff.

Hermittpadpad: Don't forget the Hermittpad ships! There's the Adri love triangle, Duskerica, and even Heethena--Athena x Heenit Worker! And that's just the Discord side! There are a bunch more over on the roleplay side.

Protagonist: You guys even roleplay?

Roleplayers: Yep! There are a lot of us. There are a lot of storylines and so many different characters!

Discord roleplayers: (Pokes head out of closet.) Don't forget about us! We have cannibal Grian.

Roleplayers: (Shoves Discord roleplayers back into the closet.) Ahem. But yeah! Hermittpad is a pretty cool place. Chaotic as heck, but cool.

Protagonist: Wow. Well, uh, I certainly wasn't expecting this.

Wholesome cinnamon roll: Yep! It's pretty--

(They are cut off. Jazz music faintly plays from the corner of the room. Everyone turns to look at who's there.)

Smut dealer: (Looks up.) Hey, kid, want some unholy ZIT?

Wholesome cinnamon roll: No, no, keep it as PG as possible--

I LOVE ALL OF Y'ALL: ProteCT THE CHILDREN

Protagonist: Where do you even find--?

Smut dealer: You'd be surprised at what you can find on AO3.

Protagonist: (Chugs holy water Wholesome cinnamon roll hands them.) Not for me, thank you.

Smut dealer: (Shrugs.) Suit yourself.

I LOVE ALL OF Y'ALL: (Turns to Protagonist.) So, what do you think? Want to stick around for a bit?

Protagonist: Well...

Angst writers: (Waves piece of paper invitingly.) There's enough fanfic to keep you occupied for days!

Sobbing readers: (Nods vigorously.)

Protagonist: Well, I guess I have some time. (Mutters under breath.) Let's hope this place stays discourse-free.