Hermitcraft Randomness - S7 Oneshots

Incorrect Quotes Part 3

(I feel like by the end of Season 7 each of these chapters will be 3000 words. They're just progressively getting longer and longer xD)

Grian: I have a riddle for you, Mumby. So it's raining, right? And you pass a bus stop. There are only three people there: your most trustworthy friend, a pregnant lady who needs to go to the hospital, and the girl of your dreams. Your smart car only fits two, people, however, so what do you do?
Mumbo: Oh, I've heard this one before! You lend the car to your friend, he takes the lady to the hospital, and you stay at the bus stop with your dream girl!
Grian: Oh, so close, but wrong. The answer is as follows: You go home and REEVALUATE YOUR F*CKING LIFE! YOU! BOUGHT! A! SMART! CAR!

Cleo, t-posing in the doorway: Hello, parental figure.
Joe, not looking up from his screen: Hello, problem child.

Scar: Why does everyone think I'M the cute one??
Grian: Awwww
Scar, holding a knife: I-I can murder someone right now!
Grian and the rest of the server: Awwwwwww
Scar, holding his knife and pouting: I can be scary...
Grian, the rest of the server, and the cracked fourth wall: AWWWWWWWWW

Keralis: Permission to curse?
X: Granted.
Keralis: Sh
X: Go on
Keralis: I'm nervous

Grian: The existence of a watermelon can only mean there is an earthmelon, firemelon, and airmelon. These are the Elemelons.
Mumbo: Grian I swear to god, it's 1 AM

Impulse: For self-defense reasons, I'm gonna pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.
Zed: Okay.
Tango: Sure.
Impulse: If you want to live, give me your money!
Zed: Bold of you to assume I have money.
Tango: Bold of you to assume I want to live.

Grian: I found a method to determine whether someone was evil or not.
Bdubs: What is it?
Grian: If they dislike Scar, they're evil.
Bdubs: That's accurate.

X: You four. Explain. Now.
Bdubs: It was Ren.
Impulse: It was Ren.
Tango: It was Ren.
Ren: It was Ren.
Ren:
Ren: Sh*t

Keralis: *pours a green smoothie and adds a slice of lemon*
Keralis: For you, xB! A healthy drink that will push your vitals!
Doc: *pours bleach*
Doc: I've made you one, too, Bdubs.

Joe: Did you know that if you keep drinking that much coffee you'll die?
Cleo: How much more
Joe:
Cleo: HOW MUCH MORE JOE

*On a date*
Scar: So...what's your favorite season?
Grian: What show?
Scar:
Grian: OH YOU MEAN THE WEATHER

Mumbo: I failed my safety course today.
Iskall: Why? What happened?
Mumbo: Well one of the questions was was "In case of a fire, what steps would you take?"
Iskall: And?
Mumbo: Well, apparently "F*CKING LARGE ONES" wasn't an acceptable answer.

Bdubs: *sneezes*
Keralis: I would say "God bless you" but it seems he already has.

Ex: I'm the real Xisuma, kill him!
X: The only way to keep yourself safe is to shoot both of us!
Keralis, aiming his gun at Ex: THE REAL XISUMA WOULD NEVER PASS UP AN OPPORTUNITY TO KILL HIMSELF!!

Joe: I forbid you to take another step down those stairs!
Cleo: Okay.
Cleo: *jumps out the window*

*Power goes out*
Scar: I'm scared.
Grian: Don't worry, I got this.
Grian: *stomps foot*
Grian: *Sketchers light up*